The End of My Era

Hello my lovely readers.

I swear, I have the best thought process when I'm in the shower. All the things I want to share are forgotten the moment I grab my towel [so frustrating].

So anyways, we celebrated our last New Year's in NC. My Mom's tradition has always been that you bring in the new year with the people you expect/want to spend the year with. I've grown up with that tradition and I have kids - No, I'm not saying that being a parent means you don't get to have fun, but it has swayed ME to want to stay home to celebrate. I'm not a huge drinker [but I do enjoy my wine] and I'm too lazy to get all dressed up and go out. I am a home body. Do I have any New Year resolutions? F*ck no. Why? Because I'm realistic; I know myself well enough to know that I won't stick to it. It could be because I never pick a realistic resolution; mine should be: To not hold my pee. I do it all the time for some reason. I used to be all up in that trend of #NewYearNewMe. Now I just laugh because it's silly; all of that hopefulness goes out of the window within the first week of two [don't even lie] - at least for me.

This Saturday we celebrated my Little Big Man's 10th birthday party here one last time in NC. We partied it up - or watched a movie [same thing for me lol] at the movie theater. By the way, the movie The Good Dinosaur, is a super cute movie with quite a few tear jerkers thrown in the mix. I think it's buy-worthy, but I may have an obsession with purchasing DVDs galore...  The celebration came a little earlier than his actual birthday, but it gave us all an opportunity to say our goodbye's to more friends and family.  

I've done so well with my emotions lately - at least the sad part. Any time I've caught my self thinking in that direction I'd quickly think of something else to get my mind off of it. Any time someone brought up how our departure date was quickly approaching I'd change the subject... Or tell them to shut up. 

But before I start rambling on about how much I hate that we have to go or how much I'm going to miss my family - keep the salty ass comments about "it's part of the military life so get used to it" to yourself. This is my FIRST move as a SPOUSE. This is MY experience. I know my husband JOB is he's a Marine, but I didn't marry him nor fall in love with him because of his job title. So if you can contain your eye rolling to a minimum and continue without being a dick... Read on.

This is the hard part.

Ed Sheeran - Photograph (Official Music Video)

On Saturday my first hard goodbye I came across was my older brother. I don't see him often as is. He and his wife bought a house (that I never had a chance to see) plus got somewhat of an upgrade in the job department ($$$) that it ended up moving them a little ways away from all of us. So when he came in for a hug, I lost it. I tried to hold in my sobs, but out came the ugly cry. The car ride home was somewhat quiet. I don't know if my Husband was trying to distract me by continuously talking, but I kept getting all teary eyed. 

I guess realization is beginning to settle in or it's now smacking me in the face that this is only going to get harder.

Next up was one of my older sisters and my nephews. I assumed they were leaving the following day, but they had to go back home too. We were all pretty stoked when her husband got orders near here because that meant we could see them a lot more. All of the boys happen to be around the same age so you could only imagine the chaos when all of them are together. 

*I had this crazy idea that I could say bye to ALL of them at ONE time. I totally forgot that everyone has their own life (school, work, etc) so I threw myself off being I don't have either one. I spent my Saturday on the emotional roller coaster. By the way, I dislike roller coasters.

As Tuesday got closer I felt more and more nervous. I couldn't believe this was really about to happen.

On Monday my Mom made one of my favorite foods - Tinola. I made sure to stuff my face because I have no idea how to make it & no one makes Filipino food like my Mama. 

Downfall is I had to say bye to my little brother. Every time I've tried to not cry, I did. He really wants to come out to CA so I'm hoping we'll see him soon enough. 

Next was my other older sister and my nephew. I think we make each other ugly cry any time shit gets sad. I don't know what my Little Big Man and nephew are going to do without each other; they've grown up together. Last night my nephew was tugging on my heart strings. He started to sob when he hugged his cousin goodbye. It was depressing....

I tossed and turned all night. The bed we've been sleeping on isn't really that comfortable, but last night was worse. 

This morning I felt awkward like we all had our hands stuffed in our pockets avoiding the obvious that it would be time to go in just a few minutes. I wasn't going to be the one to say "already you guys, let's start loading up into the car" so I kind of hung out as much as I could. I got teary eyed a few times watching my parents play around with the kids.

Then came time for my hardest goodbye, my Parents. I didn't want to let go. My Parents have helped me out more than the fingers on both of my hands. I don't even want to picture the holidays. I like to think of my Parents as home base of operations; we all come together at their house. So I can't wait until I come back [here's my tiny attempt at being optimistic]. 

I've said it plenty and I'll say it some more, this is a big deal for my family and I; we are as close as close can be. 

I love you all, this is only "see you later" - not goodbye.  

xo,

steph

Emotion Roller Coaster

Hello all of you beautiful people.

My has it been a rollercoaster ride mixed with a pinch of talent of walking on egg shells.

 

So we have about 2 weeks left here in lovely NC.  If you must know, YES I'm still sad and not excited about it all [you'll be stuck reading this in a lot of my future posts for a while - beware].  I'm beginning to feel more nervous as time continues to slip away.  I feel a little more relieved each time we cross off stuff from our agenda.  We went to our last USMC ball which was short/sweet because the Husband was so uncomfortable in his dress blues and we had children to pickup.  Our final house inspection went well; we ended up not having to pay anything other than prorated rent for two days.  We finally got some exciting news that we actually have a place WAITING for us for when we get there - talk about a weight being lifted OH MY GAWD!  I didn't like the idea that we were stuck on a waiting list and had such a big time frame as to when we "might" get off of it.  There is one thing that flagged my nerve - there's NO A/C in any of the houses over there.  Now I don't know about you, but I happen to like having OPTIONS.  Yea, yea, yea...  So we'll be near the beach - I don't care, you don't know my temperature preferences!  Another exciting event on our Agenda is we decided to celebrate my Little Big Man's birthday one last time here, surrounded by family and friends.  Surprisingly with both of us being procrastinators at times, we've already reserved his birthday location.  Now I just have to make sure I order a cake on time [one year I almost forgot lol]. 

For the time being we're staying with my Parents until it's time to hit the road.  My, oh my, has it been interesting.  It's like all of the timers on everyone's ticking time bombs are about to go off.  It's like that pimple on your face that's on the verge of popping, that nut you're about to catch, or that fart that's been bubbling in your gut getting ready to say hello from your backside...  It's happening.  We're a big ass family with a bunch of different personalities that don't always play well together.  I don't know if they're all supposed to go off before Christmas, on Christmas, or what, but I can sense the tension in the air.  I think it's because we've been cooped up together more than what we're used to and we've quickly reached our quota.  I know we're all trying to adjust to living together and trying to not step on anyone's toes, BUT - have you met my Mom?  She has a lot of different rules/regulations/stipulations/guidelines/laws...  [I think you get it]  So I've TRIED to clean up after my little squad; which that task is a toughie when you have a toddler and two boys [my Husband acts just like my Little Big Man].  However, my Parents have been VERY accommodating!  My Dad has been extremely helpful (like always!) with my Little Big Man; making sure he's up for school, dropping off/picking him up from school, fixing him breakfast - this is like HEAVEN for him both of them right now.  My Dad has a tendency to spoil the shit out of these grandchildren ["it's their job" yeeea shut it].

 

I'm still this big ball of emotions and it's so annoying.  A lot of times I have to hurry and think of a different topic so I don't randomly start balling my eyes out.  I can tell that all of us are a tad A LOT bit stressed.  The snappiness game is too strong right now.  Everyone handles their emotions differently.  You have the ones who are just straight up sensitive.  Then you have the ones who will say what's on their mind [why heyyyro].  Then you have the ones who seem like they stay mad.  One person, from what I've observed, will not let me catch a break - ever.  I can be on my best behavior and think I'm doing a bomb ass job, but then get served with a pink slip that reads "swerve".  You would think by now I'd be used to it, but yet I still have yet to understand it.  A lot of times I feel like that because I'm so outspoken and tend to be the "rebellious" child that that's somehow cause for resentment or maybe that has given me a life time access VIP Pass to being labeled as the guilty party.  You can place me in a room full of people and somehow my name will be dropped into the mix; I could even be asleep in that room full of people and I'd still be blamed for murder.  I will never understand it.  There are plenty of times where there's been some big family blowout and afterwards I've pondered what the hell did I do that there's always that hostility towards me.  I wouldn't say it's hate for me, but a lot of times I feel like the scale is definitely heavier on that side.  I would say it's because of us moving away, but it's always been this way.

 

Here's a funny [not really], short story I thought I'd share to lighten up the mood [kinda]:  We have both of our cars *PAID OFF* [say word], but we can only be reimbursed for one.  So our other option is to ship one of our cars.  The other day my Husband mentions he thinks we should look into a bigger car to make our trip easier; that way we wouldn't have to worry about shipping one, we can ride more comfortably, more room for our shit, etc...  It was like music to my ears because when I was still employed I had been begging for a bigger car.  So one day we peeped several car dealerships in the area to see what our options were [I seriously felt like a little kid at a candy store].  He kept reminding me that we were just LOOKING and that we're not going to be impulsive [hi, my name is Stephanie and I am an impulsive shopper].  So can someone please explain to me why NOW we are NOT getting a bigger car!?!?!?  Apparently, I misunderstood him.  He said he meant he was only looking into it incase we wanted a new car a couple years from now...  So maybe I've lost my damn mind or something, but I don't know what that had to do with making our move easier...  Now I know what puppies children [same thing right? jk] feel like when you tease them with treats.  So please remind me to never get excited over anything when he says it; k thanks.

 

I can't believe Christmas is TWO DAYS AWAY!!!  [being it's now past midnight and I'm still editing]  I'm starting to feel pretty hyped about Christmas though [despite being jipped on a new ride lol].  I bought candy canes because what's Christmas without any!?  I even discovered Mint Chocolate candy canes...  They are so delicious!  I've already heard the best Christmas song "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" by 'N*SYNC -- "I'ma let you finish, but 'N*SYNC had one of the best Christmas songs of all time!" [in my Kanye West voice lol].  In all seriousness, this is my favorite time of year.  I love the music, the decorations, the "togetherness" or the idea of, and shopping [helluuuuur sales!]...  Okay, and presents [duh we all do].  Anyways, I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and hopefully I can post before we drive cross country!

 

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
xo, sss

North Carolina

Good afternoon!

If you don't know, now you know - we are moving to California.

I've been telling myself that I was going to type another post, but from packing, cleaning, organizing, soccer, and the ball...  My mind has been in overdrive.

It was inevitable.  Am I happy?  No.  Am I excited?  No.  Am I mad?  No.  I'm sad, stressed, frustrated, scared...  I'll stop there.

If you've been following along with my journey then you've read how much I've whined and bitched about leaving here, home.  I wasn't born here, but this is where I've grown up; for 14 years to be exact.  My whole family is here.  It'll take some getting used to not having them just 20-30 minutes away.  I don't have a lot of friends, but I do have a few that I consider my best.

I am tired of hearing people telling me "you'll be alright" or "you'll be fine"...  You get it.  I'm sure it's just hopeful thinking.  Please don't tell me how I'm going to feel.  I don't know how many times I have to say it, but everyone has DIFFERENT experiences!  Your experience could have been a breeze whereas someone else's could have been fifty shades of f*cked up [and not the fun fifty shades either]. 

I have lists on lists on lists.  I've gone through all of our belongings and came to the conclusion I'm a borderline hoarder.  So I boxed up all my "what if" clothes and all the shoes that no longer belong in my wardrobe and dropped it off at the Salvation Army.  I called the school to find out how to un-enroll my Little Big Man.  I have yet to take pictures of all our valuable valuables and note all of their serial numbers...  With only 2 days left to do so [helluuur procrastination].   

This is a BIG deal for us.  It's our FIRST BIG move!

I think part of what stresses me out is the fact that we don't even have a house.  We're on a waiting list that supposedly is a 3-5 month wait.  It doesn't help that I keep hearing DIFFERENT experiences, like one family who's been stuck in a hotel/lodge for 6 months STILL waiting on a house.  My family had to do that before when my Dad got orders to Guam.  We were cooped up in a hotel for a looong time.

I find it ironic how different it feels being a spouse versus being a dependent child.  Growing up it sucked having to make friends and move to new schools a lot, but I rolled with the punches.  It was never hard making friends; more nerve wracking.  Now that I'm a spouse I feel like I'm losing my damn mind.  I'm worried about my Little Big Man moving in the middle of the school year and pretty much starting over.  I think he'll be fine in the friend department; although, he can be very shy.  I'm more worried about his school work.  I don't want to be one of those parents who just assume their kid(s) will get over it and just have to deal.  I'm just lucky that I'm not working at the moment so I can be there for him if/when he needs it.

I know our town has little to none of super fun things to do, but it's my comfort zone.  So to distract myself, I figure I can shed some light on some of the things (though few) that I've experienced here that I happen to enjoy.

1.  Southern hospitality.  Everywhere you go there will be assholes.  I actually grew to enjoy the quick greetings from complete strangers.  Which reminds me of when I first moved here.  I wasn't used to random people greeting me or even asking me how I was doing.  My go-to reaction was usually "I don't know you...  Why the hell are you speaking to me..."  I was usually nice enough to only THINK that and not say it out loud. 

2.  Bojangles.  I don't even know what KFC is anymore.  They have this amazing...  I guess breakfast/dessert - Bo Berry Biscuit.  I'm not a big fan of their sweet tea, but my Little Big Man LOVES it.

3.  Cape Lookout Lighthouse.  It was so pretty.  We took a ferry ride to get to the little island (?) and on the way we got to see wild horses.  Once we got to the island we got to tour the house and lighthouse.  Those stairs were no joke!

4.  Beach.  The beaches aren't what I was used to while living on the West Coast, but who doesn't like the beach???  The water here is a lot warmer than the Pacific Ocean.

5.  MacDaddy's.  It's similar to a Dave & Buster's.  There's food, an arcade for the smaller kids and another one for the older kids, a bar, and bowling. 

6.  My family took a trip to ride the train.  It was a fun experience for all of us.  At certain times of the year they have even have Thomas the Train that you can actually ride.

7.  MCAS Cherry Point.  I may be a little bias...  But that's how I met my Love :)


So for the time being we're moving out of base housing and moving in with my parents until it's time to hit the road.  I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.  It's like YAY! We'll be surrounded by family more before we go, but will make it even harder to leave and say our goodbyes.  This will be our last Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, and my Little Big Man's birthday that we celebrate together and I want to make the most of it.



xo.
sss

Turn Back Time

Good morning afternoon [paused for mommy duties] my lovely readers!

For some odd reason, something last night triggered me to blog about... my past.  I know that doesn't sound like anything good and I don't owe anyone an explanation for my past, but I figure I can clear the air and enlighten you.  I don't know if it's because my family and I are getting ready to begin a NEW chapter in our life, but here goes nothing.

A long time ago I thought I was with the 'right' guy at the tender age of 17; The One, so to speak.  I had my oldest at the age of 16 and finally scored the guy that I had been chasing for what felt like forever [bad move, you shouldn't chase any man].  Honestly, I can't believe I was so stupid.  I think everyone goes through that phase where they think they've FINALLY found their person; as if that's what we search for our entire lives.  At the time it felt right.  I felt like I finally found someone I could be comfortable with.  However, I got too comfortable.  I was engaged at the age of 18.  Yea, yea...  Some might say that was too young to be taking that step; I still lived at home with my Parents and I was still finishing high school.  He pretty much moved in with my Parents too. 

Do you remember the part where I said I was so stupid...?

There were warning signs from the get-go!  We were so trusting of each other that we shared each other's MySpace passwords [haha the myspace days].  Maybe we weren't that trusting...  We both always checked each other's inbox, sent, and trash folders [crazy, I know] like we were already looking for something wrong to happen.  Shockingly, one day I did find something.  I was doing my regular snooping [okay, more like psycho] and discovered a message in his Trash folder [he forgot to empty the evidence].  It was a message to a "family friend" who had a cousin (female) in one of his classes.  He was running his mouth about how attractive she was and to let her know, etc.  That was a little odd being he had a fiancé...  However, I huffed and I puffed, then he apologized and that was the end of it.  I didn't tell anyone.  I didn't want to put him out there in a negative light; although that never went both ways. 

There was no excuse for what I did.  Fast forward another year and I ended up cheating on him.  Obviously our engagement was off.  At the time we were living in a small duplex together (our first place).  He kicked me out and dragged my name through the mud.  My "friends" at the time shared any of my dirty little secrets and aired my dirty laundry like it was nothing.  One of them was his younger brother's ex-girlfriend {Brittany}.  We were pretty close, but she figured the way back to his heart was to tell on me.  I can't forget about the ones that I worked with at the time who fed him any gossip they could think of; one of them even slept with him {Amber}.  I screwed up, BAD.  I ended up moving back in with my Parents (the first of many moves back and forth).

As time went on, it got worse.  When we'd break up he would drink and stalk me.  One of the times was so bad; he snatched my purse (car keys/cellphone inside) because I thought it wasn't a good idea for us to stay with him that night.  While wrestling for my purse back I got clocked in the jaw during the struggle, so my Little Big Man entered the room from hearing all the ruckus which resulted in him kicking us out of the house and him throwing my belongings out onto the yard.  He was so angry he even punched my car window as I prepared to drive away.  Another incident was so bad that it resulted in him getting arrested.  There used to be a night club everyone would frequent.  Since I worked on base I was always surrounded by men, which a handful were my friends; he never liked it.  One night after binge drinking he hopped into his car and drove to the club because he knew I was there.  Once he got inside he continued to drink and followed us around this small club and at one point even attempted to fight me; which resulted in him being kicked out.  The aftermath concluded with him being arrested. 

After that there wasn't much to rekindle.  Any time we got back together, it was for a shorter period of time.  He would always tell me that his boys were always looking out for him; as if threatening/warning me to behave/watch myself.  I was called any name you could think of.  He even convinced some of our mutual friends that I had made shit up and always referenced the time I cheated on him.  They would totally ignore the fact that he was the one losing his shit.  Everything was just so out of control - from simple break ups to screaming/yelling at each other to him getting physical with me (which he would deny).  We were just toxic for each other.  I even felt bad for him after everything and would take him out for dinner.  He later told me that his Parents "kind of" blamed me for what had happened to him; way to teach him not to accept responsibility for HIS actions.

We had continued this ridiculousness on/off for about 6 years.  Horrible idea.  There was the constant moving back/forth and the fact that my poor Little Big Man had to endure all of this drama too.  It was my biggest mistake as a Mom.  I kept thinking we could work things out and be a happy little family.  I should have looked at the bigger picture and put a stop to it all a lot sooner. 

Thankfully, I met my now Husband.  It was scary at first; he treated me so differently - like a gentleman should.  My Little Big Man took a liking to him so fast.  I'm pretty sure that's why I fell head over heels for him.  He didn't (and still doesn't) act possessive over me or ever try to manipulate me.  He knows of my past and it never changed his opinion of me.  He was a breath of fresh air and  I felt a different type of happiness with him. 

The best part: We found each other when neither of us was looking.

I guess my point is don't let your past stop you from moving on.  In my past relationship we both did a lot of screwing up.  It should have ended the moment I found that message.  It would have saved a lot of tears/money, etc.  I don't let my past define who I am; I was young and dumb.  I learned from my mistakes and took that relationship as a Lesson Learned.  I know that there's no point in looking back because you can't change anything.  So my words of advice are save yourself the heartache and MOVE FORWARD; you never know what possibilities can come your way.

Happy Monday!



xo,
sss

PURPLE

Hi errrbody!

According to my Instagram/Facebook - my hair is PURPLE ish pink (:

As you may have noticed, I get bored rather QUICKLY when it comes to my hair color.  My natural hair color is dark brown.  I've had light brown, ombre, black, Ariel/Mermaid red *my favorite*, and now this odd shade of purple that I concocted. 

I used Manic Panic: Ultra Violet and Manic Panic: Hot Hot Pink.  I mixed it to the color I desired and covered all the blonde in my hair.  It came out to a dark brown/purple/pink ombre.  I liked it a lot; I felt like it resembled a dark enchanted forest [hahahaa].

23-Sep-2015, the day after I dyed it

 

One problem - it began to fade after ONE week!  [what. in. thee. fuck.]  It's now some ugly squid purple.

 

 

1-Oct-2015

 

So before the questions start rolling in, YES I use cold ass water to wash my hair [it's a pain in the ass] and NO I do not wash it errrrday [ew, helluuur dry shampoo hee hee].  My problem is since I am currently still following a workout plan, I do need to wash my hair more often than I want to; sweaty hair isn't very attractive.

 

 

 



 

So yesterday I decided to apply another purple/pink concoction on my entire head.  I'm aware the dark parts of my hair will not be as purple as my ends,but I'm ok with that. 

 

Anyways, now you can take a glance at my lovely adventure of coloring my hair - again. **P.S. I AM NOT A LICENSED COSMEOTOLOGIST, I DO THIS AT MY OWN RISK**

 

 

First - Put on gloves or your hands will look like Crayola just gangbanged it

 

 

Second - Get out your color(s)

 

 

Third - Mix your color(s) to the desired shade

I kinda, sorta forgot to snap a pic of my lovely updo prior to covering it, so obviously that step is missing.  So right now you'll just have to use your imagination and picture a messy/nappy mess with tons of silver clips holding it all in place on top of my head :)

Fifth - Since I didn't have a clear/plastic cap to cover my head, I improvised & used a Walmart bag [a girls gotta do, what a girls gotta do lol]

And drumroll please...

Louder...

DONE!

I made the mistake of applying the color TOO close to my scalp, more like ON my scalp - hence the staining.  However, I am so happy with the outcome!  This time it's more on the purple side, but that was the point. 

Funny note, so shortly after my hair had finally air dried we had to go to the grocery store; there's supposed to be a hurricane [Joaquin] and we still needed food regardless.  Anywho - while shopping I kept noticing people stare at me.  My initial reaction is "what the fuck are you looking at!?"  [staring is rude, I can't help it]  I don't actually SAY it out loud [most of the time].  Then I realized my hair is this bright ass purple so no duh people are staring.  My favorite reactions are when little girls see my hair and get all excited.  An older lady shared with me that the two little girls that were shopping with her, her granddaughters I assume, LOVED my hair and I just thought it was so cute. 

I'm getting closer and closer to becoming a mermaid, I have the bright hair and my thighs touch all the time ;p



xo,
sss