I swear, I have the best thought process when I'm in the shower. All the things I want to share are forgotten the moment I grab my towel [so frustrating].
So anyways, we celebrated our last New Year's in NC. My Mom's tradition has always been that you bring in the new year with the people you expect/want to spend the year with. I've grown up with that tradition and I have kids - No, I'm not saying that being a parent means you don't get to have fun, but it has swayed ME to want to stay home to celebrate. I'm not a huge drinker [but I do enjoy my wine] and I'm too lazy to get all dressed up and go out. I am a home body. Do I have any New Year resolutions? F*ck no. Why? Because I'm realistic; I know myself well enough to know that I won't stick to it. It could be because I never pick a realistic resolution; mine should be: To not hold my pee. I do it all the time for some reason. I used to be all up in that trend of #NewYearNewMe. Now I just laugh because it's silly; all of that hopefulness goes out of the window within the first week of two [don't even lie] - at least for me.
This Saturday we celebrated my Little Big Man's 10th birthday party here one last time in NC. We partied it up - or watched a movie [same thing for me lol] at the movie theater. By the way, the movie The Good Dinosaur, is a super cute movie with quite a few tear jerkers thrown in the mix. I think it's buy-worthy, but I may have an obsession with purchasing DVDs galore... The celebration came a little earlier than his actual birthday, but it gave us all an opportunity to say our goodbye's to more friends and family.
I've done so well with my emotions lately - at least the sad part. Any time I've caught my self thinking in that direction I'd quickly think of something else to get my mind off of it. Any time someone brought up how our departure date was quickly approaching I'd change the subject... Or tell them to shut up.
But before I start rambling on about how much I hate that we have to go or how much I'm going to miss my family - keep the salty ass comments about "it's part of the military life so get used to it" to yourself. This is my FIRST move as a SPOUSE. This is MY experience. I know my husband JOB is he's a Marine, but I didn't marry him nor fall in love with him because of his job title. So if you can contain your eye rolling to a minimum and continue without being a dick... Read on.
This is the hard part.
On Saturday my first hard goodbye I came across was my older brother. I don't see him often as is. He and his wife bought a house (that I never had a chance to see) plus got somewhat of an upgrade in the job department ($$$) that it ended up moving them a little ways away from all of us. So when he came in for a hug, I lost it. I tried to hold in my sobs, but out came the ugly cry. The car ride home was somewhat quiet. I don't know if my Husband was trying to distract me by continuously talking, but I kept getting all teary eyed.
I guess realization is beginning to settle in or it's now smacking me in the face that this is only going to get harder.
Next up was one of my older sisters and my nephews. I assumed they were leaving the following day, but they had to go back home too. We were all pretty stoked when her husband got orders near here because that meant we could see them a lot more. All of the boys happen to be around the same age so you could only imagine the chaos when all of them are together.
*I had this crazy idea that I could say bye to ALL of them at ONE time. I totally forgot that everyone has their own life (school, work, etc) so I threw myself off being I don't have either one. I spent my Saturday on the emotional roller coaster. By the way, I dislike roller coasters.
As Tuesday got closer I felt more and more nervous. I couldn't believe this was really about to happen.
On Monday my Mom made one of my favorite foods - Tinola. I made sure to stuff my face because I have no idea how to make it & no one makes Filipino food like my Mama.
Downfall is I had to say bye to my little brother. Every time I've tried to not cry, I did. He really wants to come out to CA so I'm hoping we'll see him soon enough.
Next was my other older sister and my nephew. I think we make each other ugly cry any time shit gets sad. I don't know what my Little Big Man and nephew are going to do without each other; they've grown up together. Last night my nephew was tugging on my heart strings. He started to sob when he hugged his cousin goodbye. It was depressing....
I tossed and turned all night. The bed we've been sleeping on isn't really that comfortable, but last night was worse.
This morning I felt awkward like we all had our hands stuffed in our pockets avoiding the obvious that it would be time to go in just a few minutes. I wasn't going to be the one to say "already you guys, let's start loading up into the car" so I kind of hung out as much as I could. I got teary eyed a few times watching my parents play around with the kids.
Then came time for my hardest goodbye, my Parents. I didn't want to let go. My Parents have helped me out more than the fingers on both of my hands. I don't even want to picture the holidays. I like to think of my Parents as home base of operations; we all come together at their house. So I can't wait until I come back [here's my tiny attempt at being optimistic].
I've said it plenty and I'll say it some more, this is a big deal for my family and I; we are as close as close can be.
I love you all, this is only "see you later" - not goodbye.
xo,
steph
