[holy shit] I know, I know... Someone's been totally slacking neglecting her blogging duties. The feeling is mutual, I missed you too. I feel like since I haven't been posting with my constant bitching about world peace that I've lost major points to my sanity.
So after two failed attempts in the past four months, I'm back.
We experienced our first summer away from my family. It was definitely odd not being a part of the chaotic planning period for the annual family trip. I TRIED to find ways to entertain the kids so the entirety of the summer wasn't extremely boring. We made a trip to the aquarium. I knew that would be a hit for my Toddler because he goes nuts seeing all the different sea creatures [seriously, the kid should be in a commercial with his constant Ooo'ing and ahh'ing he does seeing the fishies]. We hit up the beach - which, may I remind you is less than FIVE MINUTES from our house. As for my Little Big Man, he had already been because of a field trip, but I think he still enjoyed himself [I never know with that one]. The summer came to an end rather quickly because since Monday my Little Big Man has been back at it again with his education.
In case no one ever told you - there's a downside to everything.
I love the fact that I am FORTUNATE enough to be a stay-at-home mom. While raising my Little Big Man, I didn't have that opportunity. I had to work to stay afloat. So obviously, with me working he had to partake in going to daycare. *I see no problem with putting your children in daycare (because you work, not because you don't feel like dealing with them).* I love working moms and stay-at-home moms because I totally understand both struggles - I've lived/live it. If you think being a stay-at-home mom ---okay stay with me, but lets use "SAHM" because I'm tired of typing that shit out--- is all shits & giggles, wrong. There's a lot of shit and plenty of giggles, but there's alsosprinkle a lot of stress. I can't remember which "job" made me more tired. I'm not the type to sit on my finger and rotate all day. I have "To Do" lists I keep in my phone and alarms set so I stick to a schedule. I'm either cleaning, feeding, planning, cleaning, grocery shopping, cleaning, folding laundry, entertaining, and/or doing homework.
Speaking of homework... I forgot how much of a pain in the ass school is. It takes me HOURS to complete a lesson or two. I do have the option of just reading everything, taking my quizzes, and BOOM all done. But I like to take notes. Roll your eyes all you want, but those bad boys come in handy when time comes to take my final exam. My estimated completion date is December, but if I stay on track I'll be done my mid-October. I just have to stay. on. track.
Next order of business: my husband wants to buy a house.
Yup, you read that correctly.
Did I ever mention how I didn't even want to come to CA in the first place? But as the story goes, I go wherever he goes. Apparently, I signed my life away the moment I said "I do" [I'd like to see proof].
Well I made the comment that since I love the weather here I'd be down to buy a house IF it had an in-ground pool and of course other house-type stuff I look for in a home. So we took a quick gander and I found a beautiful house (it is NOT cheap to live in CA - another good reason NOT to live here). So per the usual, I got excited even though I knew better. Later on, my Husband found out that you have to put at least 20% down. ACA-CUSE ME?! If that were the case, it would take us a good while to afford a house being we live off of one income. So then I start questioning how is so&so able to afford this and that, and we can't? Especially when some people claim to always be on some budget, but you see them drop money often. It was a rhetorical question. I have a horrible habit of comparing myself or certain situations to other people. We are sometimes frugal [that counts] and very debt conscious. By comparing our situation to other people made me even more frustrated.
He proceeds to explain we can get one when I find a job [here we go AGAIN. If I had a damn dollar for every time he said that, we'd have our down payment and whatever else we wanted]. So my excitement high quickly diminished. You know what instantly flashed in my mind? The time we were looking into buying a bigger vehicle; he did the same shit. Anyways, later on a light bulb turned on and then along came a solution - Mr. VA Loan. So lets turn that excitement back up! Wrong.
There's too many variables at play before we can even think about looking at potential houses.
Excuses:
Skkkrrrr! Hold up. Yup. My Husband is pretty ambitious, yet very indecisive. Which brings me to my dilemma. When did I agree that my life is solely based on what HE wants? I mean, sure he is the money-maker at the moment. But I didn't get forced to move here just so he can fulfill all his lifelong dreams. I never agreed to any of that. So my argument is why do we have to follow along with his life plan. Then he asked me what are my plans.
I realized that in the midst of all this, I don't have ambition. I don't have goals. I feel like I've lost a sense of myself. My focus lately has been being a mom. I don't even know where to start or even what I want to do with myself. The goals I had weren't specifically categorized, but I guess they were pretty generic:
I think they're realistic. Growing up I never had some dream job I envisioned myself having. When I was younger, any time someone asked me what I wanted to be I'd tell them a model. I'm like a walking freckled chode with small boobs and stretch marks galore. I'm not psychic, but I'm pretty sure modeling isn't in my future. By high school I decided I wanted to go into the cosmetology field. Then the more I thought about it, I changed my mind. I didn't want someone to rely on me to make them look a certain way; What if I cut his/her hair wrong? Or what if she hates the way I applied her makeup? It seemed like too much pressure [pretty silly, right?].
So since my Husband asked me what goals I had set for myself, I've been stuck asking myself the same question. I don't know how I'm supposed to set goals for myself when my life now is based on whatever he wants/has to do. What happened to good 'ole compromise and sacrifices? I don't see how I can make plans for myself when in 2-3 years we may have to pickup and leave again.
Maybe I should change my tag line to "a day in the life of a military wife" - who doesn't like a good rhyme??
On a positive note, I am now taking suggestions for realistic goals :)
xo,
sss
So after two failed attempts in the past four months, I'm back.
We experienced our first summer away from my family. It was definitely odd not being a part of the chaotic planning period for the annual family trip. I TRIED to find ways to entertain the kids so the entirety of the summer wasn't extremely boring. We made a trip to the aquarium. I knew that would be a hit for my Toddler because he goes nuts seeing all the different sea creatures [seriously, the kid should be in a commercial with his constant Ooo'ing and ahh'ing he does seeing the fishies]. We hit up the beach - which, may I remind you is less than FIVE MINUTES from our house. As for my Little Big Man, he had already been because of a field trip, but I think he still enjoyed himself [I never know with that one]. The summer came to an end rather quickly because since Monday my Little Big Man has been back at it again with his education.
In case no one ever told you - there's a downside to everything.
I love the fact that I am FORTUNATE enough to be a stay-at-home mom. While raising my Little Big Man, I didn't have that opportunity. I had to work to stay afloat. So obviously, with me working he had to partake in going to daycare. *I see no problem with putting your children in daycare (because you work, not because you don't feel like dealing with them).* I love working moms and stay-at-home moms because I totally understand both struggles - I've lived/live it. If you think being a stay-at-home mom ---okay stay with me, but lets use "SAHM" because I'm tired of typing that shit out--- is all shits & giggles, wrong. There's a lot of shit and plenty of giggles, but there's also
Speaking of homework... I forgot how much of a pain in the ass school is. It takes me HOURS to complete a lesson or two. I do have the option of just reading everything, taking my quizzes, and BOOM all done. But I like to take notes. Roll your eyes all you want, but those bad boys come in handy when time comes to take my final exam. My estimated completion date is December, but if I stay on track I'll be done my mid-October. I just have to stay. on. track.
Next order of business: my husband wants to buy a house.
Yup, you read that correctly.
Did I ever mention how I didn't even want to come to CA in the first place? But as the story goes, I go wherever he goes. Apparently, I signed my life away the moment I said "I do" [I'd like to see proof].
Well I made the comment that since I love the weather here I'd be down to buy a house IF it had an in-ground pool and of course other house-type stuff I look for in a home. So we took a quick gander and I found a beautiful house (it is NOT cheap to live in CA - another good reason NOT to live here). So per the usual, I got excited even though I knew better. Later on, my Husband found out that you have to put at least 20% down. ACA-CUSE ME?! If that were the case, it would take us a good while to afford a house being we live off of one income. So then I start questioning how is so&so able to afford this and that, and we can't? Especially when some people claim to always be on some budget, but you see them drop money often. It was a rhetorical question. I have a horrible habit of comparing myself or certain situations to other people. We are sometimes frugal [that counts] and very debt conscious. By comparing our situation to other people made me even more frustrated.
He proceeds to explain we can get one when I find a job [here we go AGAIN. If I had a damn dollar for every time he said that, we'd have our down payment and whatever else we wanted]. So my excitement high quickly diminished. You know what instantly flashed in my mind? The time we were looking into buying a bigger vehicle; he did the same shit. Anyways, later on a light bulb turned on and then along came a solution - Mr. VA Loan. So lets turn that excitement back up! Wrong.
There's too many variables at play before we can even think about looking at potential houses.
Excuses:
- We need to wait until I finish school so I'll have my certificate to use to find a job.
- We have to save up.
- We have to look into what we can afford.
- We have to look into the neighborhoods.
- We have to check what type of schools are near us.
- We have to figure out what my Husband wants to do with his life.
Skkkrrrr! Hold up. Yup. My Husband is pretty ambitious, yet very indecisive. Which brings me to my dilemma. When did I agree that my life is solely based on what HE wants? I mean, sure he is the money-maker at the moment. But I didn't get forced to move here just so he can fulfill all his lifelong dreams. I never agreed to any of that. So my argument is why do we have to follow along with his life plan. Then he asked me what are my plans.
I realized that in the midst of all this, I don't have ambition. I don't have goals. I feel like I've lost a sense of myself. My focus lately has been being a mom. I don't even know where to start or even what I want to do with myself. The goals I had weren't specifically categorized, but I guess they were pretty generic:
1. To complete my course and graduate
with a certificate in Business Administration – (in 8 months)
2. Own a house – (in 15-20 years)
3. Save up for a vacation/honeymoon
– (in 1-2 years)
I think they're realistic. Growing up I never had some dream job I envisioned myself having. When I was younger, any time someone asked me what I wanted to be I'd tell them a model. I'm like a walking freckled chode with small boobs and stretch marks galore. I'm not psychic, but I'm pretty sure modeling isn't in my future. By high school I decided I wanted to go into the cosmetology field. Then the more I thought about it, I changed my mind. I didn't want someone to rely on me to make them look a certain way; What if I cut his/her hair wrong? Or what if she hates the way I applied her makeup? It seemed like too much pressure [pretty silly, right?].
So since my Husband asked me what goals I had set for myself, I've been stuck asking myself the same question. I don't know how I'm supposed to set goals for myself when my life now is based on whatever he wants/has to do. What happened to good 'ole compromise and sacrifices? I don't see how I can make plans for myself when in 2-3 years we may have to pickup and leave again.
Maybe I should change my tag line to "a day in the life of a military wife" - who doesn't like a good rhyme??
On a positive note, I am now taking suggestions for realistic goals :)
xo,
sss
