As usual, I've been away.
I've debated for a while about posting this, but what better way to make a come back than by spilling some tea...
When someone decides to taint or question my character and paint me in a negative light, I feel I have every right to defend myself; whether I share it on MY Facebook [YES I'm allowed to post on there what I WANT], read texts out loud to my husband, or even call my mom to get my side of the story in first... Regardless, it's being shared using different outlets and mine just happens to be writing.
In recent events, I've learned that I'm allegedly some negative/no sense of a budget/unhappy/family-wrecker who should be expected to always make a lot of sacrifices. HA! HA! HA!
Let me share a little insight, as far as MY family and very close friends know - I DO NOT APOLOGIZE. It
Although I don't owe anyone an explanation, I'll lay it out for you.
First: My husband and I disagree, which is normal among couples. However, since we've been here in CA... Our disagreements have increased and they happen often when we've been around his family. I love my husband, but he tends to forget he has a voice, balls, or other plans; which ends up irritating me immensely. And I've heard it enough "when are you not irritated?" - well maybe you'd see a different side of me if you didn't constantly do shit to irritate me.
Second: It just so happens I was supposed to be a bridesmaid in my SIL's formal wedding that happens to be in the summer. I made a hasty decision to visit home in NC for the summer because of the excessive arguing. Since my Little Big Man is in school, the earliest time frame for us to go would be in the summer. I thought I was being PROACTIVE by notifying my SIL in advance so my spot could be filled - 8 months in advance. I EXPLAINED it was because I was going home for the summer. From my point of view, I did provide an EXPLANATION [Apparently, I was supposed to give a more thorough explanation even though it was NO ONE'S BUSINESS]. (insert eye roll here) Since MY explanation wasn't good enough, it was passed on to my husband for further review and to pry a more detailed explanation out of him. He briefly explained that I was stressed, homesick, and we weren't getting along. I later discovered that that explanation STILL wasn't good enough...!
Third: Apparently my decisions had truly "upset" my SIL, but of course I didn't know that because NO ONE shared that with me. Instead, a text from me asking what to get their kids for Christmas prompted unnecessary/disrespectful text messages that were undeserved on my part. But I'm so evil and cruel that I took the time to ask what their kids wanted for Christmas... Hmm...
I guess part of growing up and being mature has taught me that there is a time and place for everything. I've been proud of myself for the amount of restraint I've had to use to bite my tongue, on MULTIPLE occasions:
- I've been bitched at via text message for not answering FaceTime calls because setting up, cooking, and hosting my toddler's FIRST birthday was my PRIORITY [I never got the memo that other people's agendas were more important than my child's]. I could have sworn my husband owned a phone, but I guess since it's not FaceTime, regular phone calls wouldn't suffice. So let's not play coy and use some bullshit excuse that it was all in good fun.
- Being on the receiving end of some major attitude just because we weren't so damn eager to delay our plans to babysit due to someone else's poor planning; we had already made plans to celebrate Mother's Day a day early.
- My child being kicked out of the bathroom just to take a quick piss (even though he was already in the bathroom) because someone else's child's schedule overrides everything and a bath had to be taken RIGHT that second.
- My child having a toy taken away because it was declared "unfair" that he got both - mind you, they were 2 OLD action figures that belonged to his Dad and he didn't have any toys to play with. So even though we just attended a birthday party, that was full of plenty of birthday gifts consisting of toys, 1-of-the-2 still had to be given away to make everyone happy.
- When we go out to dinner for celebrations, like my husband's birthday, he doesn't even have a say.
- Only being contacted when a babysitter was needed.
- Purposely having my son sit at the opposite end of the table AWAY from us because he had my iPad, which I purposely charged for this dinner for MY kids, all because someone else was unprepared. Again with the bullshit excuses.
- Last, but not least, having some spoiled/entitled/clueless brat have the nerve to tell me that I should have known better, being I'm from a military family and then marrying someone in the military, meant that I have to make sacrifices. *FYI, being a military dependent as a child and being a military spouse are two totally different things.
Sacrifices... For someone who thinks they know so much about me, that word shouldn't have even been thrown in my face. Especially coming from someone who has no knowledge or experience of the military lifestyle. I've made a lot of sacrifices and if you ever talked to my husband, other than when you need something, then you would know. I left my family and friends, I'm missing/have missed holidays and birthdays, my Mom has been having health issues, but I'm clear across this country instead, I'll miss my niece being born who's my brother's/sister-in-law's first child, and I can't even put my business certificate to use because I have my child who I take care of everyday. Not only have I made sacrifices, but even my son has had to. He had to leave his friends behind and his soccer league - sure that sounds minuscule as an adult, but if you ever experienced the military life then you'd be more understanding [been there, done that]. Let's dig a little deeper since everyone knows everything about our life/marriage. What sacrifices has my husband made? His marital status? His money? Since some people like to insert themselves in business that isn't theirs, let me clue you in - he hasn't made many to the extent that I have. Since someone has stupidly stated in the past "it's only fair we move to CA since we got to live near my family for the past 3-4 years" PLEASE enlighten me on how that was "unfair"... My family and I resided there waaay before the USMC was even in his sights. Was I supposed to demand my family move out of state?
Let's talk being "selfish". You know what's SELFISH? It's doing whatever you want regardless of who it'll effect because it's something you want; say selecting CA on a dream sheet without consulting your spouse about it. Does that "fair" logic still apply? [the right answer is No].
I even got some financial advice from the last person to be giving some out. All because I've posted Snaps of makeup I've bought or I wore a new shirt. I use money that I made from my leftover MK inventory and money I SAVED. So no worries, I don't take money from my husband, nor do we share an account for me to even do so. Even though I DAMN sure don't have to explain my financial situation, I'll put it out there. I don't have to buy things and try to hide the fact that I did.
I'm a family-wrecker because... I accepted the idea of celebrating OUR OWN Christmas for once. LOL! My husband randomly came up with the idea because in the whole 3 years we've been married we've never celebrated Christmas by ourselves as a family. I was down with his plan, but somehow that meant it was all my fault. Apparently, I have my husband under some mind control and he can't make his own decisions [that's sarcasm people] - even though he does on a daily basis. I could have sworn he's a grown ass man. But since I'm "so unhappy that I can't be around my family, I make sure my husband can't either"... Seriously people, I'm not even joking - this is what I've been accused of. Even though we haven't missed any family get togethers and even drove 3.5 hours to be in town for a kid's birthday party... I thought it was a tad extreme, but we still decided to go.
I'm negative because... I give off that vibe...? Honestly, I laughed when I heard that bullshit accusation. I guess since the holiday plans were cleared up that it wasn't MY fault, you'd have to pull some excuse out of your ass. When I don't agree with some things, I guess I give off some negative vibe LOL For example, I don't like when my husband wants to go to the casino. Whenever we're in SB, the casino is ALWAYS brought up - either to poke fun at me because I don't like it or because they legit want to go. Well because he is MY HUSBAND, I have every RIGHT to voice that I DO NOT want him to go. If he can tell me/his family that we can't go out to dinner one night like a night when I don't feel like cooking because we don't need to spend money, then we damn sure don't have money to risk gambling away at some damn casino.
All of this extra shit stemmed from someone not getting their way.
I don't care if someone's "hormonal" or "frustrated", that doesn't give anyone the right to be ugly to other people. I didn't deserve to be disrespected the way I was and I have no problem cutting people off that think it's okay.
I'm not down with the manipulation shit or second place. I married MY HUSBAND, not anyone else. Since he has his own little family, others' opinions do not rate what MY overall opinion is, regardless of who you are. It comes down to him, myself, and our kids. I will not come second and our family will not come in second.
xo,
sss
