You Can Do It

At least that's what I keep telling myself.  Thank God for coffee - I'm not joking, it's my Pre-Workout.

Good morning everyone!

As I stated in my last blog post I have begun my fitness journey.  Guess what!?  I STILL hate it.

I've already heard "you don't need to workout, you're already skinny"...  No, just staaahp.  Like every other female on this damn planet I am my own worst critic.  I see what I don't like about myself and that's what matters to me.  I don't care if anyone thinks I'm skinny or I'm fat.  I'm worried about what *I* see and what *I* don't like.

I am working out because I want to be skinny.  I know it's recommended to work out to be -fit- & -healthier-, but at the moment I'm thinking SKINNY.  In my opinion I think that's where most people start.  You see yourself in the mirror and dread seeing your reflection; at least that's how it is for me.  I think a lot of fitness journeys begin at the thought of wanting to be skinny, but once you've got that routine down it's all about being more fit and being healthier and nothing is wrong with that.

I, however, am still trying to find the motivation.

In the past, when Monday came back around I was dreading it because I knew what the day entailed - work, cooking, cleaning, soccer practices, softball games, etc.  Now when Monday pops back up I dread it because I know I have to do - my daily workout. 

I'm doing it [and doing it, and doing it well - oh why helluuur LL].

I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and think "DAMN I look fiiiiiiine!"...  I don't want to feel like I need to hide from my Husband when I'm changing or feel the urge to turn off the lights when we're bumping uglies so he doesn't see me [bwahaha] or feeling excited about rockin' a bikini and not feeling like I have to cross my hands across my stomach to hide it.  Yes, I have done all of the above.  I want to feel good about myself when I see me naked [way to sound vain].  Of course I decided to be all hot & skinny when Fall hits...  aka Sweater Weather...

Although, I will admit I am proud of how far I have come.

 

 

There have been mornings where I felt like puking while working out, but I pushed through it.  There are even times where I feel like it is impossible to accomplish some of the exercises, but I do it.  When I began my fitness journey I couldn't even plank for more than 30 seconds; you're supposed to hold it until you fail.  Today I did it for 1 minute, every single time.  Not only that, but I beat my 2 week quitting stage.  I'm already on Phase 2, week 3. 

I'm not at that stage where it becomes "addicting" - I don't foresee that ever happening, but I won't say it will "never" happen. 

I have my good and bad days.  I've already contemplated quitting because I don't feel skinnier and I don't see any changes, but I am definitely feeling SORE.  I'm still hoping for quick results [I can dream, right?]  So if you are thinking about getting fit or aren't as motivated - DO it; just get up an do it. 




xo,
sss

Hello, Stay At Home Mom

Good morning beautiful people!

So September 1st, 2015 marked the start of a new era for me.

I am officially a Stay At Home Mom.  I don't want to say it's my new "job" because it's not a job - I'm just being a Mom.

 

 

So for all you asses who assume that title means:

• Sleeping all day
• Binge watching Netflix [what I honestly was hoping]
• Snackage all day
• Pampering myself
• Meeting up with girlfriends doing nothing
• Blowing through money

You are WRONG.

My schedule may differ from some of you.  My plan is to have my Newbie to have a schedule similar to what he had when he was still enrolled in daycare.  So I still get up early in the morning and make sure my Little Big Man is up and getting ready for school.  Then when it's time the three of us take a nice short walk down the street to walk my Little Big Man to school, BUT not before I make my pre-workout - COFFEE.  Once the two us return home I make him breakfast and turn on one of his shows.  I should add that I've become a big fan of Curious George.  I'm also going to add "expert in singing and reenacting children show's songs/dances" to my resume; Little Einsteins, Special Agent Oso, and Chuggington are how we roll.  Once he's done with breakfast I get him situated and then I do my  NEW daily 30-minute workout.

***Yup, I now workout.  I'm assuming my Husband became tired of hearing me bitch about how gross I feel/look.  So for once he took the initiative and purchased a workout plan for me from HIITMAX.  I'm still debating if I should feel insulted or thankful...  [we'll get back to that I'm sure].  If you know me then you know how much I despise working out!  I don't enjoy the whole feeling sore shit - it's a sign that you're either making progress or doing it incorrectly... yay?  Did I mention how much I hate working out???  I normally quit within 2 weeks.  I'm a fan of QUICK results...  Which with working out it takes patience aaaaand results take more than 2 weeks to make a debut.  Today I've began Week 2 of Phase 1 :)

Anyways - Once I'm done with my workout and get all  nice and squeaky clean [sweat is not my thing either] I make us lunch.  Which I didn't realize it would be such a pain to mix up lunch so there's a variety.  After lunch I lay him down for a nap.  Which has been a lot easier than I expected!  When he was still in daycare he would sleep from 1.5-2 hours without any problems.  Whereas at home on the weekends when we would try to get him to nap he would fight with us and maybe sleep for 30 minutes.  I've made it a habit to do a relaxing/quiet activity prior to putting him down for his nap.  He LOVES reading; the total opposite of his big brother [he can't stand reading].  This is where my "ME" time kicks in.  I can either: a) nap, b) clean up, c) finally watch one of my shows.  I end up trying to accomplish all 3 options.  He sleeps for about 2 hours and then we get ready to pickup my Little Big Man from school.  Once he's home it's homework time!  And we can't forget planning dinner.  I've gotten better at making dinner EARLIER so we're not eating at 7PM.  So if you just repeat that every week and mix in soccer practice twice a week then you'll have an idea of my schedule. 

I don't think it means being a SAHM is harder.  Shit, I used to have to do all of this while I worked full time.  But I do have a better understanding though, it's not any easier.  However, I can actually say that I love my "job".

 

Welcome to a day in the life of lil 'ole me.



xo,
sss

Last Day As A Working Mom

Good morning!

Today is the day - My countdown has reached 0. 

I'm excited, but it's still bittersweet.

I know what you're probably thinking, "well you were already contemplating about becoming a stay at home mom"...  EXACTLY.  I was only contemplating the decision, but that decision was made for me.  There were good days and there were bad days, just like any other job.  Over the course of 7 years some of my co-workers grew to be people I consider friends; I even found a couple that I consider my best. 

It'll be different waking up and not having to rush through the house to get all pretty for my day ahead.  It'll be different not having lunch plans almost EVERY day with the girls [planning beginning at 0900 lol].  It'll be different not being spoiled with Dunkin Donuts coffee when the time permits.  It'll be different not whispering through our cubicle (hand-made) window about the assholes in the office.

I will not miss dealing with the people who lied and got away with it.  I will not miss the favoritism.  I will not miss the rules that changed due to a change in mood.  I will not miss typing last minute orders that popped up in my email.  I will not miss the millions of lists/rosters I've had to create and upkeep.  I will not miss the fact that I haven't had the tiniest raise in 2-3 years, but other people did - some not close to deserving.

 

 

This is a new beginning for me and for my family.

It's a BIG change and a step in a new direction.  I've always done well with adapting (due to constant moving when my Dad was still Active Duty).  Since I had my Little Big Man I've always worked.  So I'm going from always making my own income, to now depending on someone else's; that just doesn't sit well with me.  I almost feel kind of helpless.

But you know what, I got this. 



xo,
sss

#SorryNotSorry

Good morning & hopefully everyone had a not-so-horrible time getting all the kids back to school today!

As for me, today is going to be a very busy day:

1. My husband is TAD all week
2. That means I have double kid duty
3. First day of school
4. I have Mary Kay packages to mail out today
5. I must provide my proof of residence to the school
6. My last full week of work [AHHH! 5 MORE DAYS!]
7. First day of soccer practice
8. Oh by the way, I'm Team Mom :)
9. Do we HAVE to eat dinner? [kidding!]

So YES there's a lot on my plate today/all week, but I CAN DO IT! [helluuuur my Waterboy movie reference tee hee]

Can someone please explain to me why you can't miss someone or be bummed that they're gone... Regardless of the time frame?

I had made a comment about "damnit, my husband is going to be TAD all next week"...  It was misinterpreted as I was OH SO DEPRESSED & SAD that he was going to be gone.  That wasn't what I meant, but SO WHAT if I did...?  If I miss him because he's gone for a week - boo f*cking who, I miss him.  If I miss him because he's gone for a night to be on duty - boo f*cking who, I miss him.  He is my husband and he's a part of my everyday routine; so you're damn skippy I'm going to miss him.

The ironic thing was I made the comment because I came to the realization that I had MORE on my plate; that I couldn't share some of the responsibilities with someone else.

I don't apologize for my feelings nor do I feel the need to have to explain them.  I feel that whatever you're feeling you shouldn't feel bad about; you can't help what you're feeling.  Plus I felt this was something I could blog about [tee hee].

I figure I can mark this down via social media - this is the FIRST time my Husband & I have been apart this long [ERMAHGURD!].  It's not a big deal to some, but it's a big deal to me :)  We are still new to the Military Lifestyle as a family.  The longest we've been separated was because he had duty; we're usually stuck up each other's ass. 

So NO I haven't experienced a deployment and NO I didn't get to experience him being away at boot camp.  I didn't realize that you're only entitled to feel a certain way at specific time frames.  This whole Military Lifestyle shit can be ridiculous.  It's like you're never allowed to complain about shit when it comes to your active military significant other.  You can't complain or be upset that they have to leave.  You can't complain if they have to work late.  You can't complain if they have to take care of their Marines before their very own family.  You can't complain about taking care of the kids because your active military significant other's job comes first.  Who the hell makes up this shit anyways??? 

For all my non-military affiliated readers - doesn't that sound insane?!

#SorryNotSorry - but you bet your ass I complain. 

In my mindset we are equal.  Your job isn't any more important than mine [which I guess that excuse will be expiring very soon].  We share responsibilities because I didn't sign any paper stating I will be anyone's slave/maid/bitch.

I am tired of people making a mockery of military spouses.  "Well you don't understand what it's like to be a Marine.." - it's more like "Well maybe you don't know what it's like to be a civilian".  Not everyone understands the struggle.  I'm lucky so far that mine hasn't been that rough - yet.  I like to keep an open mind that I know this will be one hell of a rollercoaster ride.

I happen to enjoy being around my husband [for the most part lol] so when we don't see each other I DO miss him.

It just goes to show that I do love him.

First Impressions

Good morning!

I'm sure everyone has heard the saying "first impressions are lasting impressions" or something similar.

Doesn't that apply to relationships?

You start out trying to impress each other.  It's almost like a competition & you need to impress the judge [this time there's no plural here lol], but you've made it to the final round - the talent portion.  So this is it - now is the time to  show off all your fancy tricks and woo their socks off [that phrase makes me feel old].   I wouldn't necessarily count doing housework as a "trick" or "talent", but you get my point. 

Then fast forward.

You won!  Then what?  Those fancy tricks have now become EXPECTATIONS; you spoiled him/her in the beginning that now it is expected of you to continue to do how you do.

I hate that shit.

However, in relationships after you've won there is nothing [in my opinion].  You get so comfortable with each other that you don't feel the need to impress each other anymore.  I mean, why bother right?  You've already won.

Lately, I don't feel like much of a winner. 

There is no effort put in anymore.  There is nothing that feels passionate or intimate anymore.  There isn't any fun anymore.  It's both of us.  I don't feel like trying anymore; I'm always tired, frustrated, mad, & unhappy.

My first impression was this fun, but laid back handsome guy that was sweet, helpful, and organized & he just adored me.  I felt like a priority, happy, and just mesmerized at the feelings I was feeling.

 

 

 

But now - we are strictly Parents.  The kids come first; which I don't believe is a bad thing.  I just feel like that's the only purpose of us now.  I take care of everyone, but myself.  I make sure the kids are up, ready, & fed.  I make sure we have dinner.  I make sure laundry is done.  I make sure to clean up after everyone.  I make sure everything is organized.  I make sure the kids appointments are scheduled or that I get them there.  I put everyone before me.  I'm supposed to though, right?  Because I'm a Mom.  However, I'm also a Wife - which means there's another half to go along with me, which means more helping hands, yet it doesn't feel like it.  If anything I feel like it just added more work.

I honestly feel like we need s p a c e [see what I did there?].  Sorry, emotional shit makes me awkward.  I feel like I've become codependent and I don't want to be.  I've always been independent. 

I refuse to rely on anyone. 

I want to be selfish.  I want to start doing my own thing; be more about myself & stop worrying about everyone else.  But I know that I can't. 

I didn't realize how draining it could be - physically.  I feel so blah all the time.  I don't even feel like talking as much because it'll just be an argument.  Sometimes if we're lucky, things change for a week or less and then we're back to where we started.  It feels odd when you're in a relationship, but you feel more alone than ever.

They say the first 7 years of marriage are the hardest [the seven year itch].  Holy chet.  I'm already struggling with just 2 years under my belt.  It's understandable though.  You're still learning more about each other & trying to get everything just right.  That sounds easy, but it's stressful; especially if you're total opposites.

I'm hoping eventually that first impression will resurface because I miss it.



xo,
sss