Color Me ____.

*WARNING* This post is filled with a lot of color.


I am Filipino and White (Irish/Welsh/Indian).

That only tells you WHAT I am, not WHO I am.  My race or ethnicity doesn't DEFINE who I am as a person nor tell you anything about my character.  My blood and your blood are the same color.

Yet it has become the norm to blame everything on color:

• I got pulled over because I'm ____.
• I didn't qualify for food stamps because I'm ____.
• I get "randomly" checked at the airport because I'm ____.

No one owns up to anything.  You got pulled over for speeding or reckless driving - NOT because of the color of your skin.  You didn't qualify for food stamps because according to the system you make too much - NOT because of the color of your skin.  I don't think I need to remind anyone, but due to a horrible moment in US History, airports do conduct a lot of RANDOM checks - NOT because of the color of your skin. 

People! - Stop jumping to conclusions all the time!  Sometimes it really is just plain and simple.

I am not blind to the fact that there are bad/corrupt cops out there; just like I'm not blind to the fact that are bad/corrupt lawyers, presidents, governors, priests, teachers, civilians etc.  It is everywhere and not just all bundled up in one at the police station!  It's not ONLY bad WHITE cops; they come in any shape/size/color.

I am so tired... so so so tired of reading/watching how the term "white people" is being dragged through the mud every single time something wrong/unjust happens to a black person.  I'm sure that goes both ways; that is racism.  Why is ok for one group of people to throw the racism flag up, but wrong for the other group to feel the same?  You shouldn't be able to label me or accuse me of being a racist because of the simple fact that the color of my skin is white; that does not automatically make me racist.  It's just like I shouldn't hate anyone or treat them differently because of the color of their skin or assume they're a thug because of the color of their skin.

I will not sit here and try to justify that I am not a racist or try to justify how I'm not because I'm friends with this # of black people and I have this # of black relatives, etc. because I already know that regardless of what I say/type there will still be someone totally missing the point of what I am saying.  I don't need to justify that nor prove it to anyone.

The riots in Baltimore do not effect me.

The riots that occurred in Ferguson did not effect me.

I am not from there nor have I ever lived in either place.  But the way people paint a picture of white people in regards to those riots does effect me personally.  I'm part of that majority; I am white.  I feel strongly about it just as much as a black person does.  We are both allowed to have an opinion; my opinion doesn't rate anything higher than theirs and vice versa.

Why is it ok to stereotype anyone, but you're instantly a racist when the tables are turned? 

• If you like Starbucks and wear yoga pants and/or UGGs then you're a basic white girl.  Correct? 
• It's just like saying all black people like fried chicken, grape soda, and watermelon.  Correct? 
• How about, if you drive horribly - you're either a female or Asian.  Correct?
• Or when you wear baggy pants and fitted hats you're a thug or some hoodlum.  Correct?
• And my favorite, when you wear big hoop earrings and have thin ass eyebrows - looking like a straight up chola so you must be Mexican.  Correct?

I'm guilty at laughing at some of those stereotypes/labels.  I know I'm not the only one.  However, why is it ok to pick and choose when it's funny (when applied to others), but wrong when it pertains to you or someone similar?  It's a two way street my dears!  We need to rid ourselves of all these double standards.  You feel me?  It's NOT ok to stereotype certain people if you can't take it when it's applied to you. 

The same thing applies to these crazy/unnecessary riots; it's EVERYONE rioting - not just blacks.  If you are a true civil rights activist then you don't only speak up when it's white on black crimes.  If you are a true civil rights activist then you would protest PEACEFULLY to bring awareness, not riot unlawfully.
 


It's videos like the one above that really dry hump my nerves.  Why is it when we get pulled over we try to make it a point to try to "outsmart" or argue with whomever pulled you over?  It's like instead of that heart racing/small panic attack [or maybe that's just me] you used to feel about to happen as soon as you saw those lights flash in your rearview mirror, it's all been replaced by this urge to whip out your camera phone, just hoping & wishing to catch an officer of the law doing something you feel is wrong.  I don't even think it's to sincerely prove there's been some type of injustice anymore or if it's just to go viral. 

You should just cooperate like this gentleman:

I thought I would share some comments from a public post that I came across today.  The gentleman who shared it was black and one of the females commenting was also black, along with 3 white [I'm assuming] with myself included also commenting. The post was referring to how there have been riots that involved white people over ridiculous shit (football/baseball games, etc.) and the media failed to cover anything about it.  I wanted to share some of the comments that were made that I thought were beyond ignorant.  Can you read those comments, but flip them as if a white person said them, and then tell me you didn't feel it was racist?

I honestly didn't know I was born with "privileges"

From her point of view - whites are racist against everyone who isn't white

And white people will never understand racism because we are not black

Odd because the school I went to, the majority was black... We were all taught the same curriculum.

She's not racist... She's racist... ?

Playing victim that "bitches" like me will always make it seem like blacks are racist

She denied being racist, but admits when she talks about white people she is racist..?

I even underlined my "favorite" part - she thinks our culture should be "wiped out" to insert black culture now

All that is just ugly.

Speaking of the media - it happens to be the common denominator in a lot of these issues.  The media chooses what they what to show.  When that happens, they pretty much control your emotions.  They know that when they post a white on black crime that there will be an uproar in the black community, etc.

I do believe we should speak up and stand up for what we believe is right.  But there's a difference between having a Voice and abusing it.  People shouldn't use a man's death as an excuse to riot.  I'm sure his family would like to mourn in peace; not have some ridiculous riot forever connected to him dying.  The riots are not contributing to a greater good; if anything you will bring poverty to your home.  You are tearing down businesses that people work hard to start/keep.  Then what?  Will it be the white communities fault for that too?

Let's all stop for a moment and quit being so narrow-minded...  How do you think Hispanics or Asians, or any other race for that matter feel?  When will they have their time in the spotlight?  Nope, until we ALL do something to make a change it will forever be the "white man oppressing the black man".

Let it go.  Let's all stop living in the past.  Everyone needs to stop walking around with a chip on their shoulder over something that all of our ancestors did.  How about we stop playing the victim all the time?  Let's all admit to our faults.  Last I checked, I don't own any slaves and no one in my family in this day & age does or has ever.  None of us walking around here today have experienced extreme racism like our ancestors did in the past; so stop with the so called similarities.

We can all agree to disagree, but we need to teach our children, the future generation, Love, Equality, and Unity.  It shouldn't be that #BLACKlivesmatter or #WHITElivesmatter -- #ALLlivesmatter.



xo,
sss

My Hair Chronicles (Follow Up)

Hi again!

For those of you who read my previous blog post it's safe to say my hair is... SAVED!

This morning I watched MORE Youtube videos to get a better idea as to what I wanted to do to fix my boo-boo(s).  I finally jumped in my car and drove to Sally's Beauty Supply to buy a tub of bleach and some deep conditione and anything else I thought I needed to take care of the damage.  Once I explained what I did to the clerks, they were even a tad bit nervous as to what to do with my now damaged hair.  Once I heard "you may need to cut it off if you damage it anymore" it stuck with me the whole ride home and freaked me out.  So once I got home I ended up stalling some more and tried to do some more research on what I should/shouldn't do. 

All I kept envisioning was while rinsing my hair after letting the bleach process that chunks of my hair would begin to fall out.  Talk about a f*cking nightmare! 

Have I mentioned how much I adore my hair?!

After giving myself - and all my friends lol [I love you all] - a massive headache, I decided to go to the salon where my lovely friend [Liz @ Bladz & Rayz] could fix it. 

Testing a strand with Lightener

Covered all my ends in Lightener / processing

Rinsed out all that junk - HELLO BRASSY!

After applying a base color I had to leave (hence why I'm in my car) and pickup my Little Big Man and then return / yes I drove through town and on base looking this ratchet lol

She didn't like my brassiness so she applied another color

Why the change of heart?  I kept doubting myself, especially with using bleach, and was psyching myself out.  It didn't help that I already f*cked it up in the first place which just added to my self-doubt.  I know I'm not a professional/licensed cosmetologist and NEVER claimed to be, but I take pride in my hair, make up, eyebrows, belly, droopy ass, etc. You get my point.

I figured since I did such an awesome job doing my OWN red hair (Ariel inspired) being no one at the salon could achieve THAT shade of red "without bleach" (which I found to be false) that this was going to be just as easy.

So what did I learn?  You can't always Do It Yourself. 

How much did I spend doing it myself:

- $8.99/each, (x2) L'Oreal box color from Target
- $5.89/each, (x2) L'Oreal Hi-Color from Sally's Beauty Supply
- $0.99, Red Gold Additive
- $3.29, 30 Vol. Developer
- $13.99, Powder Bleach
- $9.99, Clear/Sulfate Free Shampoo
- $6.79, Sulfate Free Conditioner
- $1.89/each, Deep Conditioning packets
- $.39, Plastic Processing cap

Total: $68.98

That's not even including the tax.  How about the gas traveling to/from the local Walmart, surrounding Walmart, Target, and Sally's.  I can't forget to add the gas to the next city (in the opposite direction) to go to the other Sally's to pickup the supplies to "fix" my disaster.  Who knows how much more money/gas I would of spent/used to "fix" my hair if I had actually ended up using the bleach...

PEOPLE: DO YOUR RESEARCH!

After 4 hours, COMPLETE

Better lighting

Long Hair Don't Care with minimal boobage 

So anyways, I'm now at home currently enjoying my new hair and having my very own photoshoot :)

xo,
sss

My DIY Hair Fail

Good morning!

I'm starting to think I should start Vlogging - because this past weekend my hair experience was a FAIL.  Help me here, I'm trying to see the funny side of it all.

I LOVE my hair; it's probably one of my favorites when it comes to me.  My hair is naturally a dark brown; brunettes do it best [hey girl hey].  I love trying new things with my hair - hence that bright red mermaid hair.  I have a habit of seeing a beauty Vlog on Youtube, do some more research, and then end up trying it out myself.


Before I tortured my hair

Which brings me to this weekend.  I had been saying it for a week or two that I was FINALLY going to change my hair! 


Fail #1

So Saturday night I bought L'Oreal box color from Target - totally out of my norm [I prefer buying my supplies at Sally's Beauty Supply and mixing it all myself].  So what happens when I try this miraculous/easy way of lightening my hair *without* bleach?  FAIL.  The only thing that would take was my roots.  

My 2nd attempt

So I decide to try AGAIN on Sunday morning.  I used the same box color for round two thinking maybe I should leave it in a little longer to process...  What happened?  FAIL. 

Not much of a change, or just my horrible selfie skills

 

So now I've already struck out twice!  I'm at the point that I'm beginning to freak out and I'm beyond frustrated. 



Here goes round 3

*By the way, the reason it's purple is because I mixed an additive so the blonde color wouldn't make my hair look brassy.

So I turn back to Youtube and watch more videos to try to guide me in the process of lightening my hair.  I come across another video of another lady using my *favorite* products to lighten her dark brown hair. 

My 3rd attempt, which I did my roots last

What happened then?  FAIL.  It is now Sunday NIGHT and I have bright roots and dark brown hair. 

Look at this shit!

No, it does not look decent.

No, I cannot cover it up.

No, I will not go to work looking like that.

Why didn't you just go to the salon?  Because it's cheaper to do it myself and I like experimenting with my hair.  I don't know if you go to the salon that often, but that shit can be EXPENSIVE; especially with long hair.

So I will spend today deciding if I want to continue lightening the rest of my hair - with a HIGH risk of A LOT of damage - or attempt to cover up all the light ass roots.

Sometimes it's so hard being a female ;)



xo,
sss

Battlescars

Good morning my beautiful readers!

Today I came across this post on my news feed and love it.  I thought it was a really good read to share with everyone and it inspired me to share my stories to shed a better perspective.

Apparently, it's actually a "thing" to mom shame other moms who gave birth via C-section.  I didn't know that was even a thing - it's rude.  It's something like if you didn't give birth vaginally, that you were "lucky" and/or "you took the easy way out" and/or "didn't have a real birth"... [so do I have FAKE babies??]  We all want the same outcome - a healthy baby, so why judge on how you did it? 

I am a proud TWO time cesarean mama!

When I was pregnant with my Little Big Man my plan was to do it naturally.  My Mom is a big fan of TOLD me I shouldn't use any drugs to ease the pain...  [what. the. hell. woman.]  I was scared.  I was SIXTEEN!  Why would I want to go through all of that without anything to make me feel a little better???  I ended up being almost two weeks overdue; he just wouldn't budge.  At my final weekly doctor's appointment I FINALLY dilated; barely - but it was progress.  I was scheduled the following day to be induced.  The following day at the butt-crack of dawn as I got comfortable in my hospital room, they broke my water.  By the way, that is such a GROSS feeling; it seriously feels like you pissed yourself.  Anyways -- Finally I started to feel contractions [oh my goodness those were painful!]  No one could talk to me or touch me; there was no soothing me.  Then came the epidural.  *I'd like to take a moment and THANK who ever invented that.  Ladies, it's available for a reason!  Make sure you get your consultation BEFORE you deliver so that you have that option available.*  Everyone had to leave my room and I had to sit up and lean forward [that is a lot harder when you're having contractions].  I was crying because of the pain, imagining that huge needle they were about to insert into my back, and I was all by myself.  Once I returned from the other side of my bipolar self, the nurse came in because she noticed something strange on my monitor.  Whenever I had a contraction, my Little Big Man's heart rate dropped so I might need to have an Emergency C-section.  That was the scariest news I ever heard.  However, after that lovely [I use that term loosely] nurse shared that news... She just left my room!  I received no explanation - nada!  At this time my Dad had told everyone to go grab a bite to eat and he had stayed behind with me to keep me company.  Well what that nurse did didn't fly with my Dad - I was balling my eyes out even MORE terrified.  Next thing I remember is a group of people came into my room and said that I need to be prepped for an Emergency C-Section because the cord is wrapped around my baby's neck [and I had the nerve to think that the news I received earlier was the scariest news - the more detailed version scared me even more].  They kicked everyone out of my room again; no time for "see you later" or "good luck", it was just everyone had to get the hell out of my room.  They rushed another bed into my room and the nurses lifted me over.  My Mom demanded to come back in and help; which they did let her come in to help remove my rings from my fingers [that was tough  since they were swollen lol].  They rolled me into an operating room where I eventually DELIVERED a precious 8 pound, 9 ounce baby boy.  The whole ordeal was draining.  I merely passed out once they pulled him out and handed him to me.

When I was pregnant with my Newbie, I had a planned C-section.  Since I already had a C-section with my first baby that's pretty much the way it goes with the next and so on and so forth; unless you find a doctor who is willing to help you deliver vaginally after a C-section then you can.  However, from my understanding all I see in my future is C-sections from here on out [if I had more ;)]  It does however, get riskier each time you give birth.  This time around I checked into Surgery not Labor and Delivery being it was a planned "surgery".  My family, my in-laws, my husband, and myself all waited in the waiting room for my name to be called.  When the nurse called my name it was like a flashback of the feelings I felt with my first.  I was once again scared out of my mind.  While I was in the Pre-Op room, my husband got to come in to be prepped too since he would be in the Delivery Room with me.  Since he was there with me it did make me feel slightly less scared, but once they rolled me out of there into the Operating Room it all came back to me.  I was all by myself again.  I had a stranger [aka nurse] hold me as I sat up and leaned forward [as much as I could with that huge belly].  It was so uncomfortable and I started to panic because I was once again scared about what was to come.  I felt those several seconds of pain when they did my spinal tap and then it was like a rush.  They had to hurry and lay me on my side and roll me as quickly as I could onto my back.  It was almost instantaneous as the numbing took affect.  I started to freak out a little because I thought they were going to start without my husband in the room.  I didn't even realize they had started when they did [some good meds!]  The doctor warned me about feeling pressure because my little guy didn't want to make an appearance.  So then the waterworks began.  I began to panic thinking something was wrong all the while my husband was reassuring me it was ok and to just breathe.  Then I felt a big relief wash over me and I finally DELIVERED a handsome 9 pound, 14 ounce baby boy.

 

After having a C-section the healing process isn't any easier; it's harder - you don't just bounce back.  With a natural birth you can work out and lose your baby weight.  Whereas after a C-section I can work out AFTER my doctor gives me the green light, but I'll always have those scars.  If you're having one they keep you in the hospital for 72 hours IF you don't have any complications.  After such a major surgery you have to be careful and mindful of how you move about - I mean you did just get your stomach cut open...  So after my second surgery I had a bad reaction to the meds, so my face was super itchy and I was throwing up.  Can you imagine having to throw up after having your stomach cut open!?  It sucked!  You don't want to laugh, sneeze, cough, etc.  Let's not forget how hungry I was.  I was so hungry, but they had me on an all liquid-diet right after my surgery.  I felt so uncomfortable.  I couldn't even stand up straight and no one would let me carry anything.  I felt helpless. 

So anyone that wants to tell me that I was lucky for having a C-section, I AM.  I have two healthy little boys that I adore.  My experience wasn't "lucky" and it wasn't any easier than yours; there's so many more restrictions in the healing process after having that type of surgery.  I'm not a super religious person, but that must of been God's plan for me.  I didn't ask to have a C-section, those were the cards that was dealt to me.  I still experienced the nervousness as my due date approached, the anticipation of meeting this little person I've been carrying around for 9 months, the scare of everything about to happen, the aches and pains of labor, the joy of finally meeting my little miracles, and the love I feel for my babies.

I have the scars to prove it and I earned the stripes that came with it.  Normally, the doctor tries to cut along the same scar when you have more than one, but mine started as one and split into two [sorry for the TMI].  I consider them my small souvenirs for each of my babies from two incredible moments in my life.

 

If all that doesn't shut those haters up - there's always the fact that my junk is still intact ;)

Happy Cesarean Awareness Month!

xo,
sss

Autocorrect

Better late than ever right?


From where you are sitting right now [this only works if you're not sitting alone], what do you see?  I constantly see, on a daily basis, people playing on their phones; not excluding myself.

We tend to pay more attention to what is going on on that 6.7 square inch screen [or bigger since phones are evolving into the size of iPads] than what is happening right in front of us.  There are numerous occasions where my husband and I have gone out to dinner and both of us have our faces buried in our phone; our full attention glued to our phone screens vice each other - GUILTY.

I cannot remember a day where technology didn't effect any of my relationships.  Isn't that pathetic?!  In the past there was always someone messaging people on the down low being all sneaky and shit, or using a passcode/pattern to lock their phone, or "poking" someone to be flirtatious, or posting vague statuses that only certain people could encrypt.  Now it's like "who is she?" or "how do you know her" or "who is that chick that started following you"...  It's all immature and ridiculous - & unnecessary.

When there's an abundant exchange of messages over a touchy topic you can only assume the emotion the other person is feeling on the opposite side of the conversation.  When you throw in emoji's then comes the assumption a "winky face" is equivalent to flirting - [which I agree]

We also use technology as an excuse: "Sorry I didn't hear my phone go off, it was on vibrate" or "hey I texted you earlier, I guess it didn't go through " or my favorite - "So I tried calling/texting you, but you haven't responded.. (YET you're liking shit on Facebook/Instagram)", or for those who don't have the balls [or ovaries?] to do it face-to-face, the infamous break up text.

Shit, we can't even drive to someone's house to pick them up anymore without texting them that you're outside waiting.  What happened to actually physically walking to the door and knocking?

We can't even celebrate precious moments without inviting complete strangers to share those moments with; just to gain a "Like" or two.  We live in a world where privacy is almost non-existent.

But this is how we live now.  It's kind of scary to try to visualize what it will be like when our children are older.

I think with today's generation it's so easy to fall out of love because we rely on technology to express ourselves; whether it be to show someone love or rant about how they pissed you off.  Some, like myself, may use it to compare ourselves; no matter what there's always some half naked person flaunting their shit.  Well my wittle insecure self does NOT like seeing that shit.  What happened to keeping that shit private?

We no longer feel the need to do things ourselves.  We send text messages to say "I Love You" or ask each other how their day is going.  What if you're the type of couple who text each other all day, what's left to talk about when you're finally alone together?  Wouldn't you run out of material to share because you pretty much gave them a play by play ALL day?

Even phone calls are replaced by text messages; it's more convenient.

It's like we're more concerned with what's the world's latest and greatest obsession on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, etc. that we forget that we need REAL social interaction.  We use technology to replace actually speaking to a person. 

We forget to show REAL emotion; our hugs and kisses are replaced with X's and O's.  We no longer care to be as intimate.  We rather lay in bed at night skipping through our news feeds until we're tired enough to go to sleep, rather than have sex [that option even sounds better, so WHY?].  Intimacy is very important in a relationship; it connects two people on a whole different level.  So if you're a lot happier or satisfied watching Vines... Umm - we have a problem [tee hee].

Sometimes I try to picture my husband and I together years from now, all wrinkly and old as we sing to oldies in our car as we drive to the grocery store, still together - happy.  But with how we live today it's like -  HOW the hell is that even possible?  By the time we're that old, we won't be driving - we'll be in some electric auto-pilot car and the oldies would be long gone and grocery stores wouldn't exist because now you can order it online and have it delivered...

Yea... That is a bit extreme, but you get my point.

I need real social interaction.  I need a real physical bond - or sex [sorry fam lol].  I need real emotion.

Apparently, I just admitted to being one needy bitch.

So after you've read my lovely blog post, go out and actually speak to someone or hug someone.



xo,
sss

Runaway Train Part Dos / Don't Change

For those lovely readers who are following the Runaway Train Series, it continues...

Let me shed some *proof* that I know what I'm talking about:  [these are not my words, I'm repeating what I was told]

--  The Dirty Tampon Girl... That nickname was actually shared with me & everybody within earshot.  Apparently, you don't change yours like you're supposed to.  Other than being disgusting you're a moocher who constantly needs rides, food, & money from everyone.

--  Miss Annoying...  Don't let her size fool you, she thinks she is apart of management; being she knows everything.  Plus you're just plain annoying and talk too much.

--  Copycat aka Home Wrecker...  You try so hard to be like her and copy everything she says/does.  When you're not busy doing that you try to steal everyone's man.  So ladies, watch out!

--  You Fancy Huh?  My oh my... Did you see what she wore out to the club?  She stays going out all the time and I can't believe she even wore that!

--  In Between the Sheets...  What you & your hubby do behind closed doors... Isn't a secret.  Apparently you take charge when it's time to bump uglies.

--  Misses Talks A lot...  You talk to a different man every day on many websites.  You would even travel out of state or country just to be with them.

--  Act Your Age...  You're old so stop trying to act young.  Also, you're always trying to be in everyone else's business.

--  Dirty Girl...  You keep dog/cat food, dirty diapers, and trash in the same pantry.  You don't clean up after yourself; such as leaving dirty diapers everywhere.

This last one I feel kind of sorry for,

-- I just don't like her because I don't.  You and your goonies continuously picked on her for NO REASON.  Instead of keeping things where they belong, you shared private information with everyone.

Let's not forget the incident with one of my other family member's "not inviting the train wreck to stay the night" and being a big bad meanie.  For the record, the incident that occurred wasn't him being cruel/mean by refusing to let someone stay overnight -- someone wanted to get a little freaky a little too soon and my family member thought that was too fast and it made the night uncomfortable; to me that sounds like a gentleman.  I don't know if anyone still uses this term, but all I read was SKANK.  In my book it's still not ok to hop from one d*ck to another the following day or week.

Let's not forget someone's acting all tough and threatening to punch people, etc. didn't even have the balls to say anything to anyone's face; even when it came down to taking my advice, we had to do that via text LMAO.

So for all you newbies or minions, watch out.  Whether you're in the circle or not, you're not safe from her criticism. 

"Do YOU know who your real friends are?"

--------------------------------------

In other News, I promised you a real blog post:

I am not the same person I was a year ago. Better yet, I'm not the same person I was a week ago [about a week ago, week ago!].

I like to think I look different: my weight fluctuates, my hair is a little longer - well shit, it was bright red at one point [I never thought I'd ever go that extreme], my eyebrows are thicker [no more chola for me], my ass looks sad, my style has evolved, etc.

Even the way I think has changed; probably because I've matured more [I'm a big kid now].  I'm 26 now.  Just seeing that in writing makes me feel old.  I still can't believe I have a 9 AND 1 year old...  I can't believe I ever got married - of course I wanted to get married and expand my family, but with the way things were before I never saw it actually happening.

Not everything has changed about me.  I still speak my mind [as shown above].  I still have a Resting Bitch Face.  I still laugh when people say "do, do" unintentionally while speaking.  I still like eating pizza rolls.  I still have the same "bad" attitude.

We all march to a beat of our own drum - I love that theory. 

My actions don't rely on what I think everyone else is going to think about me.  Honestly, you could ask anyone in my family or anyone that truly knows me and they will tell you that I've made decisions that they all didn't agree with.  That's just how I am.  I know that whatever decision I make, that I will be the one to suffer the consequences [I learned that at an early age].

That is one thing I like to think of about myself that is actually a good quality to have. 

I have some days where I'm overwhelmed with peace of mind and other times, I let my feelings get the best of me; where I crumble to pieces. I think that each day we get a choice of what path to take.

Do I want to make today my bitch or do I want to succumb to feeling defeated?

There are days when I wake up, I'm ready to get shit done.  I'm on a mission to kick the day's ass.  It doesn't matter if you happen to be in a shitty mood; I refuse to let your mood bring me down.  I'm going to own today!

Then there are days where I slowly roll my ass out of bed and drag my feet as I walk to the restroom just in time to see the bitchy look stuck on my face.  I'll slowly walk downstairs and make coffee while trying to convince myself that today will go by quickly [totally wrong, btw].  On days like this one, there's nothing that will change my mind.  The feeling of blah has already settled in and made itself cozy.

We all go through these days or this me horribly trying to convince myself that I'm not riding solo.

I guess my point is: be you.  I will never change because someone else tells me I need to.  I am who I want to be and it's entirely up to me.  If I want to be some freaky dominatrix/mistress of the night on some Fifty Shades of Grey type shit, then I will.  If I want to go on American Idol and sing my heart out as if I'm riding in my car, then I will.  If I want to be completely and utterly boring, then I will.

You only have one life to live, so make it count.

Or... [wait for it]...

#YOLO



xo,
sss