Battlescars

Good morning my beautiful readers!

Today I came across this post on my news feed and love it.  I thought it was a really good read to share with everyone and it inspired me to share my stories to shed a better perspective.

Apparently, it's actually a "thing" to mom shame other moms who gave birth via C-section.  I didn't know that was even a thing - it's rude.  It's something like if you didn't give birth vaginally, that you were "lucky" and/or "you took the easy way out" and/or "didn't have a real birth"... [so do I have FAKE babies??]  We all want the same outcome - a healthy baby, so why judge on how you did it? 

I am a proud TWO time cesarean mama!

When I was pregnant with my Little Big Man my plan was to do it naturally.  My Mom is a big fan of TOLD me I shouldn't use any drugs to ease the pain...  [what. the. hell. woman.]  I was scared.  I was SIXTEEN!  Why would I want to go through all of that without anything to make me feel a little better???  I ended up being almost two weeks overdue; he just wouldn't budge.  At my final weekly doctor's appointment I FINALLY dilated; barely - but it was progress.  I was scheduled the following day to be induced.  The following day at the butt-crack of dawn as I got comfortable in my hospital room, they broke my water.  By the way, that is such a GROSS feeling; it seriously feels like you pissed yourself.  Anyways -- Finally I started to feel contractions [oh my goodness those were painful!]  No one could talk to me or touch me; there was no soothing me.  Then came the epidural.  *I'd like to take a moment and THANK who ever invented that.  Ladies, it's available for a reason!  Make sure you get your consultation BEFORE you deliver so that you have that option available.*  Everyone had to leave my room and I had to sit up and lean forward [that is a lot harder when you're having contractions].  I was crying because of the pain, imagining that huge needle they were about to insert into my back, and I was all by myself.  Once I returned from the other side of my bipolar self, the nurse came in because she noticed something strange on my monitor.  Whenever I had a contraction, my Little Big Man's heart rate dropped so I might need to have an Emergency C-section.  That was the scariest news I ever heard.  However, after that lovely [I use that term loosely] nurse shared that news... She just left my room!  I received no explanation - nada!  At this time my Dad had told everyone to go grab a bite to eat and he had stayed behind with me to keep me company.  Well what that nurse did didn't fly with my Dad - I was balling my eyes out even MORE terrified.  Next thing I remember is a group of people came into my room and said that I need to be prepped for an Emergency C-Section because the cord is wrapped around my baby's neck [and I had the nerve to think that the news I received earlier was the scariest news - the more detailed version scared me even more].  They kicked everyone out of my room again; no time for "see you later" or "good luck", it was just everyone had to get the hell out of my room.  They rushed another bed into my room and the nurses lifted me over.  My Mom demanded to come back in and help; which they did let her come in to help remove my rings from my fingers [that was tough  since they were swollen lol].  They rolled me into an operating room where I eventually DELIVERED a precious 8 pound, 9 ounce baby boy.  The whole ordeal was draining.  I merely passed out once they pulled him out and handed him to me.

When I was pregnant with my Newbie, I had a planned C-section.  Since I already had a C-section with my first baby that's pretty much the way it goes with the next and so on and so forth; unless you find a doctor who is willing to help you deliver vaginally after a C-section then you can.  However, from my understanding all I see in my future is C-sections from here on out [if I had more ;)]  It does however, get riskier each time you give birth.  This time around I checked into Surgery not Labor and Delivery being it was a planned "surgery".  My family, my in-laws, my husband, and myself all waited in the waiting room for my name to be called.  When the nurse called my name it was like a flashback of the feelings I felt with my first.  I was once again scared out of my mind.  While I was in the Pre-Op room, my husband got to come in to be prepped too since he would be in the Delivery Room with me.  Since he was there with me it did make me feel slightly less scared, but once they rolled me out of there into the Operating Room it all came back to me.  I was all by myself again.  I had a stranger [aka nurse] hold me as I sat up and leaned forward [as much as I could with that huge belly].  It was so uncomfortable and I started to panic because I was once again scared about what was to come.  I felt those several seconds of pain when they did my spinal tap and then it was like a rush.  They had to hurry and lay me on my side and roll me as quickly as I could onto my back.  It was almost instantaneous as the numbing took affect.  I started to freak out a little because I thought they were going to start without my husband in the room.  I didn't even realize they had started when they did [some good meds!]  The doctor warned me about feeling pressure because my little guy didn't want to make an appearance.  So then the waterworks began.  I began to panic thinking something was wrong all the while my husband was reassuring me it was ok and to just breathe.  Then I felt a big relief wash over me and I finally DELIVERED a handsome 9 pound, 14 ounce baby boy.

 

After having a C-section the healing process isn't any easier; it's harder - you don't just bounce back.  With a natural birth you can work out and lose your baby weight.  Whereas after a C-section I can work out AFTER my doctor gives me the green light, but I'll always have those scars.  If you're having one they keep you in the hospital for 72 hours IF you don't have any complications.  After such a major surgery you have to be careful and mindful of how you move about - I mean you did just get your stomach cut open...  So after my second surgery I had a bad reaction to the meds, so my face was super itchy and I was throwing up.  Can you imagine having to throw up after having your stomach cut open!?  It sucked!  You don't want to laugh, sneeze, cough, etc.  Let's not forget how hungry I was.  I was so hungry, but they had me on an all liquid-diet right after my surgery.  I felt so uncomfortable.  I couldn't even stand up straight and no one would let me carry anything.  I felt helpless. 

So anyone that wants to tell me that I was lucky for having a C-section, I AM.  I have two healthy little boys that I adore.  My experience wasn't "lucky" and it wasn't any easier than yours; there's so many more restrictions in the healing process after having that type of surgery.  I'm not a super religious person, but that must of been God's plan for me.  I didn't ask to have a C-section, those were the cards that was dealt to me.  I still experienced the nervousness as my due date approached, the anticipation of meeting this little person I've been carrying around for 9 months, the scare of everything about to happen, the aches and pains of labor, the joy of finally meeting my little miracles, and the love I feel for my babies.

I have the scars to prove it and I earned the stripes that came with it.  Normally, the doctor tries to cut along the same scar when you have more than one, but mine started as one and split into two [sorry for the TMI].  I consider them my small souvenirs for each of my babies from two incredible moments in my life.

 

If all that doesn't shut those haters up - there's always the fact that my junk is still intact ;)

Happy Cesarean Awareness Month!

xo,
sss