Family is Everything

Hi everyone!

When I'm not acting like a 'girl in junior high' or brainwashing my grown ass husband, this 'lovely bride' throws her husband a going away party.

I did just that and I'm so happy that I did.  Everyone seemed to have had a blast and the food was delicious.  My mom made some of her popular Filipino dishes to throw into the mix of burgers, fruit bowls, chips, etc.  I'm so glad that my family got to be here to be apart of this transition into the next chapter of our lives, as well as the friends that could make it.  We wanted to celebrate with all our family and friends and although some couldn't make it (and some chose not to) I'm thankful we got to do it while my family was here visiting.

Speaking of them being here, it felt great to be around family again.  My family is super close and we're very open with each other, and they've always been such a huge support system.  Which is why I was so happy they got to be here for a while because having a solid support system is so crucial - especially with what's to come - IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS!  I feel like right now is time sensitive and fragile, so spending time with my husband/kids and my family felt beyond amazing!  With my husband's deployment nearing I'm grateful I have my supportive family to lean on, whether it be a phone call or while they were here.  When they were here they helped me lose track of time since we were so busy exploring CA and just enjoying each other's company.  We went to the Sky Zone Trampoline Park, San Diego Zoo, the beach, Disney California Adventure Park, and the Pirate's Dinner Adventure.  On top of all that, my mom did a lot of cooking while she was here.  She even hooked us up with her famous Lumpia and secret sauce [I'm seriously drooling over here].  I  felt like we were the ones on vacation!  It also almost felt like I was back home, we were just missing some of my siblings/their families.

I've been debating about going back home.  I thought I had my mind made up 100% that we'd stay here until he got back and then wait for our next steps in his military career, but apart of me feels like we should go back home because we have my big ass family to depend on.  Back home I have my family, friends that I would love to see again, and I wouldn't have to worry about dealing with assholes or fake people.  And let's not forget the food I've been missing! [I'm talking about you Smithfield's BBQ, Musashi's, Zaxby's, and Bojangles!]  I'm not saying going home means I have 'babysitters' as some like to call it because I'm definitely not the type to dump my kids on my parents every chance that I get.  Going home just seems comforting.

I just can't believe in less than two weeks he's going to be gone - and for a long time.  I keep finding myself dreading the day we have to make that trip to drop him off and say our goodbyes.  My throat gets tight, my eyes begin to water, and I feel myself wanting to ball my eyes out.  The longest time we've ever spent apart was a week.  We're not some clingy type of couple so that wasn't torture, but we also knew that he would be coming home soon.  Everyone keeps telling me to keep myself busy, but I already feel like I kind of do with the kids and the house.  I thought about getting a job, but with us down to just one parental unit I feel like that would make it more stressful for me having to juggle childcare, appointments, and school - and let's not forget I would still have to cook/clean.  I'm trying to remain hopeful [and remember to take deep breaths], but this is our first deployment.  And I didn't forget the kids, I can't help but stress how the transition is going to be for them.  I know that I have to be strong/tough for them, but I know it's also okay to have bad days.  It's hard to want to spend and enjoy every waking minute together without the other stuff clouding my mind.

I'm aware that I'll get the "that's what you get for marrying someone in the military" comment from some seasoned military spouse or someone who doesn't know any better, but none of that changes my feelings.  It still sucks.  But how lucky am I that I found someone who is brave and bad ass enough to enlist in a job like this?  So yes, the military life isn't all rainbows and butterflies, but it has it's moments.  Some say "only the strongest can handle this" and apparently to a lot of my family and friends think that I fall into that category.  But this is unknown waters for me - I'm nervous, scared, sad, stressed...  I'm truly flattered that some think so highly of me and what I can handle, but this is a biggie.

It hasn't even happened just yet, but it's like I'm already anticipating the countdown of his return.

----------

I truly believe that family is everything.  They are always there when shit hits the fan or things fall apart [at least I know that mine are].  When I care about someone I don't appreciate when they are mistreated - in any shape or form.  I go into protective mode.  I feel that everything is a choice.  So when people make choices due to their own selfishness or are just down right inconsiderate, I feel they can't blame anyone else but themselves when things don't go their way.  I'll leave it at that.

Just some words of wisdom from yours truly.

xo,

sss

I'm Not Ready

Good morning world.

I have a little over five weeks before my life changes for a while.  To say that I am 'nervous' would be an understatement.

I am terrified, sad, scared, etc. [you catch my drift]

I know this was bound to happen, but that was never going to change my feelings about it; it still sucks and I still wish he doesn't have to go.

It's all I think about.  I could be spending my time concerned that some of my family are upset with me and have unfriended me, but that isn't a priority [you all know how big I am on priorities].  Apparently, I'm only "allowed" to rant about things non-family related, otherwise I'm not allowed to have an opinion [insert eye roll].  So if you're one of those people who read my blog strictly to run back to my family and bitch about me and/or roll your eyes at my commentary, go ahead and click the 'X' in the top right corner - your count on my Page Views isn't needed.

*For future reference to anyone associated with me and not saying this was the intention recently, but un-following me on any social media platform or not speaking to me is not a jab at me.  Period.

Anyways, as the time is quickly approaching I feel like we're trying to smoosh anything and everything possible into the time we have left together.  This past weekend we went to Medieval Times.  I was on the fence about it, but we actually had such a good time!  So if you've been debating about going - go.  We had the VIP Royal Package, sat in the second row, and the food was delicious!  I fell in love with the baked potato and corn on the cob that they served - whatever seasoning they used, I WANT!  Oh yea, and the show was good too!  I could tell the kids got a kick out of it; they wouldn't stop waving their flags and throwing their fists in the air.  We also went to the SD County Fair for the first time.  As soon as we arrived and were on the verge of passing through the security scanners, the front tire on our jogging stroller went flat.  Surprisingly, the employees were extremely helpful and hooked us up with a tire pump.  I got my cotton candy fix, while we played games and rode plenty of the rides.  Both of my kiddos got lucky and each won a fish [unfortunately, one barely made it through the night and died early the next morning].  I guess we were having such a blast because we were there for hours!  When Sunday rolled around we surprised my Husband with goodies and then treated him to breakfast to celebrate Father's Day.  We finished the day with some fun at the pool and grilling out.  It was a lovely family-filled weekend and I loved every minute of it.

Like I said, I can't help but think about it.  I constantly catch myself thinking of the day he has to leave and my eyes instantly well-up.  I'm not ready.  Who is ever 'ready' to tell their loved one "I'll see ya later, I'll see you sometime next year!"...  No one.  If they tell you any different, they're lying.  We attended a pre-deployment brief and though it was informative, it didn't calm my nerves.  We were told that we need to keep in mind that our spouse's are leaving for a combat deployment.  If anything, it made my nerves skyrocket.  I keep thinking about how am I going to sleep at night and he's not there for me to put my foot or butt against, or bark at me to please turn off the TV because it's distracting, or hear him groan about having to get up early, or make fun of me for not properly opening a box/bag, or come home with my favorite bag of chips/candy bar, or grunt at me for not refilling the ice container - again...

I sound selfish, thinking about how it's all going to affect me, but this is MY time to be selfish.  I have to share him everyday and I rarely get him all to myself.  For awhile I was even debating about if I should or shouldn't throw him a going away party; a lot of my friends (who have experienced this once or too many times) told me I shouldn't feel obligated to and just focus on us.  But me, being the horrible bitch that I am, decided to throw one anyways so everyone else can share their farewells.  I figured he/we will be busy the last few weeks before he goes and there's no reason for us to travel elsewhere to accommodate everyone else - plus he won't be able to travel out of town the closer his departure is.  In a sense, I'm excited because I'm throwing the party while some of my family will be here visiting!  I'll have some familiarity and a piece of home here for a while.  I've missed them/home and it'll be a relief to be around family again.  I realized the downside is I'll have to tell them bye and then about a week later I have to say bye to my Husband too. I'm not ready.

I want to hug him longer, kiss him harder, dance with him more often, and just never let go.

I may not be ready, but I can do it.  It'll be hard, but I'll manage.  Not to toot my own horn or imply it was anything close to easy, but I was a single mom for a while.  So for all you naysayers who think I can't hang and think I'm ridiculous for wanting him to stay in the military, you have no idea what I can handle.

xo,
sss

That's What I Want

Hey everyone!

I'll get straight to the point because I'm driving myself crazy.

Lately, I feel like I've been a tad bit in a rut.  I find myself constantly saying "I want..." and so on.  I guess the reason I get so frustrated is because I can list all the things I want, but the answer will always be the same - I/we "can't".  I know some of the things I want aren't ideal at the moment, nor a necessity, but it still doesn't alleviate the fact that I want it.

I know right now you're probably reading this thinking "damn, she sounds like some spoiled brat", etc.  I am right there with you.  I hear myself and maybe that aids in my frustration.

I've come back full circle and am back at Square One: I'm not used to being dependent on someone else.  When I was still a working mom, whenever I wanted something I didn't need to ask or in some cases BEG and whine like a child [as I bow my head in shame]...  I could just buy it.

I want to replace the old/cheap dressers in our master bedroom to complete the room the way I've been wanting to.

I want to upgrade my cellphone and give my Little Big Man my would-be old phone.  His current cellphone has something internal that's broken (possibly his antenna) causing his WiFi to not work.  It has zero WiFi capabilities which sucks.  The main reason we got him a phone was purely for keeping tabs on him, but

I want to upgrade my 9 year old dining room table to something new and maybe bigger.

I want to buy a house, but at the same time I don't want to settle here.  California is a tad bit too extra for my taste.  The place is gorgeous, but you pretty much have to live and breathe money to live here.

I want to make my own money! [as I pull my hair out and scream]

I want to be able to spontaneously wake up and go to Disneyland because I feel like it.

See what I mean...  I sound like some bratty child.

Don't get me wrong, my husband spoils me when he can.  I just wish that sometimes ***I*** can do the spoiling.  I know we're married so it shouldn't be mine versus his, but we've always had mine versus his versus us.  I guess it's taking my mind a while longer to get used to the mentality that it's ours.  That doesn't change the fact that sometimes I feel like a child buying him a gift with money I've gotten from him.

But I've just been stuck in this rut that I'm unsatisfied with myself and how my life is going.  I feel like I could be doing so much more, but I can't pinpoint what that 'so much more' actually is.

In the future I do plan on returning to the working field, but I don't know what I plan on doing.  I've attempted to check out different jobs online that are available in hopes of finding one that I can actually do, but nothing that fits my criteria.

I know this entire post is nothing but me whining, but blogging it out is how I get it off my chest and clear my mind.  I'm not ungrateful for all the things that I do have.  I just have this feeling that I'm stuck in a box full of restrictions.  In the meantime, I'm still trying to learn to enjoy the little things.  If I'm lucky, maybe I can get some awesome suggestions from any of you lovely readers.

Positive vibes,



xo,
sss

Viva Las Vegas!

Hellooo my lovely readers!

It's safe to say, I survived Las Vegas!  We had such a great time.  It was like a birthday and a long ass date rolled into one weekend.  I discovered that I suck at gambling lol  So to answer your question, we did not come home rich [boooooo].  

We spent the first day having me try out Roulette and Black Jack.  Then we met up with one of my old friends I knew back in NC who just so happened to be in NV at the same time.  He took us down Fremont St to check out what downtown was like.  They had this super cool zip line that stretched down the strip, which I REALLY wanted to do, but I talked myself out of it [heights just aren't my thing].  

And when they tell you you'll lose track of time while you're there - they are NOT lying.  We went to bed after midnight every single night we were there; my old ass couldn't believe it.  

I started off my birthday sitting at a bar drinking before noon [that was a first], just to kill some time while my Husband played Poker.  Later on we signed up to attend one of those lame timeshare presentations just so we can score some cheap ass tickets to see the Blue Man Group (#bluemangroup); which we got screwed over and didn't even get to see them [huge disappointment!]  My parents had attended one of their shows years ago and had highly recommended it.  The people who gave the timeshare presentation gave us the option that if we attended the 90 minute virtual presentation we could get:

• a free 3-day vacation and $50, or 
• free 3-day vacation and a free fancy dinner, or 
• free 3-day vacation and a discounted show.  

I chose the show, which they promoted had two different times for SUNDAY 2/5 NIGHT.  So as we hiked [because it was a lot farther a walk than it looked] all the way to the Luxor to pickup our tickets for the show, we were told there were NO SHOWS scheduled for Sunday because of the SuperBowl.  Makes sense.  So then we had to walk back, past our hotel, back to this place where they hustle tourists on the daily, so we can get our money back.  And of course they tried to convince us to pick another show or to take the helicopter ride w/ champagne over the strip, but this birthday girl was NOT feeling it.  I just wanted our refund.  Instead the guy who we spoke to hooked us up with a better refund.  I don't know why we even bothered participating.  We attended one of these types of presentations before and I had been super pregnant at the time, it was torture - AND we didn't even utilize the free vacation...  Never again.

We didn't plan it, but we ended up matching for the concert

Later in the evening it was time for the the Ariana Grande (#ArianaGrande) concert and it was awesome!  To be honest, a few times I almost forgot that that was the whole point of our trip.  Victoria Monet (#VictoriaMonet) opened the show -  her voice was amazing, followed by Little Mix (#LittleMix) - I loved their energy, and then Ariana came out and owned it.  The show was great and even the people sitting around us were pretty entertaining as well.  In other important news, I finished a beer before my Husband.  Why is that even important?  Well for one, I don't really like beer and two, he loves beer.  It was a good size beer too, but I drank it like a champ.  

Waiting for the concert to start

On our last day we sat at the bar and watched the SuperBowl.  Neither of our teams made it to the SB, but I was rooting for the Patriots.  How about that game though?!  I'm not into football like that, but even I paid attention to that game.  I also spent some time during the game learning how to play 5-card Stud at the bar.  When you play so many games on the machine, it spits out a free drink voucher.  So instead of paying $15 a drink, we got 6 vouchers after only putting $20 in the machine [aaaaay!]  Another highlight was their bomb ass chicken wings and fries they served.  They were so good and a delicious distraction when the Patriots weren't doing so well.

Super Bowl!

Sadly, Monday had arrived which meant it was time for us to go home.  It felt odd being away from the kids for so long.  I texted and FaceTimed my Little Big Man throughout our whole trip.  So although I missed the kids, I have to admit it was nice having some 'us' time for a change.  We don't have a babysitter nor know anyone well enough to leave the kids with overnight.

So would I return?  Sure.  But as a tip, if you ever do plan to go, it is NOT cheap.  We stayed at the MGM Grand, attended a concert with good seats [no nosebleeds over here], ate a lot of food, drank, and gambled.  You need to take into account that you'll need money for parking, or for taxis, tipping, and if you don't have a kitchen in your room you'll be buying food constantly.  So you definitely need to plan and SAVE SAVE SAVE!     

Overall, that had to be one of my BEST birthdays ever.  My Husband went above and beyond to plan it and made sure I had a great time.  I know it wasn't cheap, but he didn't complain.  It's definitely one for the books.  I don't really care for super expensive things, hence why I was so surprised about the trip, but it was worth it.  I don't know how he could ever top this.  

I love you honey!

Positive vibes.

xo,

sss

February

Hello and YAY for February!

Why 'yay' for February you ask?  Well hellurrr - it's my birth month!

COUNTDOWN: 3 MORE DAYS!

Not only that, but this year my husband is doing the most for my birthday.  I have never ever been to a concert or to Las Vegas.  So my husband decided to treat me to BOTH for my birthday!  I'm so excited and somewhat shocked that he pulled this off because he isn't one for thoroughly planning anything [hahaha seriously].  He bought the tickets, asked my in-laws to watch our kids, and booked a hotel - everything!  I'm so damn excited I could go streaking [it's still up for debate].  We'll be seeing Ariana Grande for her #DangerousWomanTour - I like some of her music and I'm not some obsessed fan [I tend to cringe at her stance when it comes to politics], but regardless I can't wait!

Being that I've never gone to a concert, I ended up looking up on Pinterest what to wear...  I felt like an old person Googling some slang words to learn what they actually mean.  I guess it's fitting being I am getting older -- I'm turning 28!  I can hear myself from years ago making fun of my sister as she was getting closer and closer to her 30th birthday, now here I am.  And I've noticed that as you get older, you get less presents...  #SorryNotSorry but I haven't grown out of the presents phase.  That makes getting older kind of depressing.  So let's just say that I'm turning 21 again, I like the sound of that a lot more.  

Anyways, there is still no news on the status of my Husband deploying; typical of the military.  So we get to play the waiting game again [this won't be the last time] until they decide what's to come.  I've been trying to not think about it too much; you can't stress over the things you can't control, right?  Like I said before, it was inevitable that this time would eventually come.  Every once in a while I start to think "what will I do while he's gone?" or "how will the kids feel?" or "should we go home for a bit since there's nothing here for us?" - etc.

It would be nice to visit home though, especially since my older brother and my SIL welcomed their first baby to our always expanding family!  She is so precious and I cannot wait to meet her!  She arrived a little earlier than expected, but I'm sure her Daddy/Mommy couldn't wait to hold her!  It's still so crazy for me to picture my brother as a Dad.  He's had the 'Uncle' label for quite some time now, but I have no doubt she'll have him wrapped around her finger in no time; if she hasn't already.

I don't know if I ever shared it on my blog, but in December we FINALLY bought a brand new BIGGER vehicle!  My husband sold his car awhile back so that he can buy me a bigger car - since I'm the one who usually drives the kids around while he's busy working.  So in the meantime, he drives my car until we sell it, then he'll get a motorcycle.  I love it though, it's so spacious and comfortable.  It's a 7-seater so if we ever in the future future future decide we want more kids, we'll have the room available!  [don't get any ideas, no babies for us this year]

In other news, my kiddos are busy growing!  Last month we celebrated both of their birthdays.  My Little Big Man turned 11 and went paint balling for the FIRST time ever.  He invited two of his friends [prices out here don't play] who ended up not showing or RSVP'ing [so annoying], so it ended up being a Daddy/Son date.  They had a blast and have already been planning their next visit.  They even got my Dad on board discussing how they plan to buy their own equipment, etc.  Meanwhile I'm over here wondering where the hell am I going to store all of this shit...  My Toddler turned 3 and has been overwhelmed with toys and clothes galore!  He loves it.  All he had asked for was some ice cream cake [and I wasn't objecting].  I just realized that seemed to be our theme this year - ice cream cake; I almost forgot how yummy it tastes, especially mint chocolate chip or cookies 'n cream.

Until next time, positive vibes -



xo,
sss