Over-Thinker

Someone once told me that I will never be truly happy with anyone until I learn to love myself. Well guess what? I’m not even close to that “loving myself” bullshit.

I think if anyone was to get inside my brain, they’d end up getting lost and confused and probably go just as crazy as me. I don’t even think a map could save you. I get so irritated with myself because of what happens on a daily basis in my head. As follows:

1. Kids
2. Love Life
3. House
4. Job
5. Life
6. Oh yea… myself!

I don’t know what’s happened to me. In a way I feel like I’ve lost myself. I remember I used to walk around with not a care in the world of what anyone had to say about me – not cocky, but I had enough confidence in myself that I was content. I don’t know when I lost all of that. I’ve completely lost my sense of self.

When it comes to my relationship with my hubby, I wouldn’t be surprised if one day he decided enough was enough. I’ve become this ugly monster of pure psycho jealousy. Any pretty girl that came up in a conversation or I’d see on that handy dandy Facebook or Instagram (damn you! There goes all that social media bullshit) I instantly have a panic attack. I constantly ask questions like “Who is she?” or “How’d you meet her?” or “Did you ever date her?” or “Did you ever sleep with her?” and “Why is she even on your friends?”… YIKES! I know… I sound like such a jealous c*nt [whoops, hopefully the “*” made you feel slightly better]. I’ve been stuck in this rut of continuously comparing myself to the “Made In CA” females. I swear, I think there’s something in their water. Most of them are blessed as being skinny with long hair, long eyelashes, and sun-kissed skin. As for me? I’m short, stumpy with dry/split end hair, annoying short eyelashes, and skin the color of an iced latte. I guess I was blessed with freckles to spice up my face…? :) I see what he’s been with – yes I said what and not who, real mature – and I know I look nothing like them. I see the females he checks out in public and that instantly makes me feel smaller than I already feel; similar to that whole crawl under a rock feeling. A lot of times it makes me wonder why me, why did he pick me? Am I someone to help make the time pass? As many times as my friends/family try to reassure me that I’m “pretty” or (my fave) “who does he come home to?” I just shrug it off. To make my life oh so better [insert sarcasm] he wants us to move to CA. Umm… WHAT? The place that’s close to the root of my craziness. The last time we were there, I had a good time & met some awesome people, but it wasn’t the greatest experience for me. Every promise he made to me prior to us going was a FAIL.

Honestly, I think that’s when everything changed for me.  So now I'm stuck in a stand still.  I know it's up to me to fix, but this whole thing clouds my mind with bitterness.

Sorry for my blabbering...  My thoughts have been so jumbled.  But until next time --



xo,
sss

Recipe of the Week: Creamy Grilled Chicken Piccata

(This Picture is NOT mine)

Wow, 2 days in a row!? WTF? I know I know, but since I recently discovered I actually have friends who read my blog (: *SHOUTOUT!* I figured I’d show my appreciation with a yummy recipe.

So I know the week has pretty much just started, but this is another favorite of mine. My household had the luck of trying it for the first time last week and… *DRUMROLL PLEASE* they loved it! No duh though being I’m becoming such a dope ass chef (: Unfortunately this is not a quick/on-the-go recipe because you have to marinade the chicken, but it’s totally worth making!

If you have the time, here it is:

Creamy Grilled Chicken Piccata

Ingredients:
- 2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (I didn’t have any handy, so I ended up using boneless, skinless chicken tenders)
- lemon juice
- olive oil
- minced garlic
- salt
- black pepper
- oregano
- penne pasta
- butter
- half and half or heavy cream
- basil
- capers
- grated parmesan cheese

Chicken Marinade-
3 TBSP lemon juice
1 TBSP olive oil
1 TBSP minced garlic
1 TSP salt
¼ TSP black pepper
½ TSP oregano

Pasta-
2 CUPS dried penne pasta (I use the whole box)
2 TBSP butter
6 TBSP lemon juice
1 TBSP minced garlic
½ CUP half and half or heavy cream (I ended up using heavy cream)
2 TSP dried basil
2 TBSP capers
½ CUP grated parmesan cheese

Yes I know that looks like quite a bit, but once I show you the instructions it’ll make a lot more sense.

Preparing/Cooking the Chicken-
1. Combine the “chicken marinade” ingredients
2. Place chicken in a zip lock bag and add the marinade
3. Marinate overnight in the refrigerator (I ended up marinating it for 2 nights)
4. Then when you’re ready to make this delicious dinner, grill until it’s done (but since I have no idea how to use a grill, I ended up baking mine)
 *[for baking, preheat oven to 450 degrees Fahrenheit and bake for 60 minutes – make sure to chicken is cooked thoroughly before serving]
5. After you finish grilling/baking your chicken, set it aside and then slice into strips to serve over pasta

Cooking Pasta/Sauce-
1. While the chicken is cooking, cook pasta according to box directions
2. Reserve ½ CUP of the pasta water and drain the rest (since I use the whole box of pasta, I reserve 1 CUP)
3. In a sauce pan, melt butter over medium heat
4. Add garlic and lemon juice
5. Pour in half and half or heavy cream and stir until hot
6. Add salt/black pepper to taste
7. Add the parmesan cheese, basil, and capers until cheese is melted
8. To loosen the sauce, add the reserved pasta water
9. Mix the sauce with the pasta

Now you can add your grilled/baked chicken to your pasta mixture. If you’re a fan of a lot of cheese, feel to sprinkle some more parmesan cheese on your finished masterpiece!

Whew… That’s a lot to follow, but I’ll reiterate – it’s so damn yummy! (:

You can find the original recipe here: http://www.plainchicken.com/2010/08/creamy-grilled-chicken-piccata.html?m=1 or via my Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/sssteele/recipes-ive-used/.  The recipe I posted just has my little tweaks here and there :)



xo,
sss

The Shelf Life of LoVE.

“In fairy tales, marriages last happily ever after. Science, however, tells us that wedded bliss has but a limited shelf life. American and European researchers tracked 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over the course of 15 years. The findings were clear: newlyweds enjoy a big happiness boost that lasts, on average, for just two years. Then the special joy wears off and they are back where they started, at least in terms of happiness. The findings, from a 2003 study, have been confirmed by several recent studies.” –NY TIMES (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/02/opinion/sunday/new-love-a-short-shelf-life.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0)

It just so happened that my sis had brought up some similar info over the weekend.  Hence motivating me to look it up for myself.  Who would have thought that Love had a short shelf life? You might as well put a “2 Years from now” expiration date on it. I don’t know about anyone else, but that definitely gave me a scare. Personally, I think just making it through a year has been intense; but that may have to do with how fast our year went.

I’m not a key expert in relationships nor will I ever claim to be. Why? Because everyone is different – yup there went that cliché. Your compatibility will differ with different people. I’m not a hopeless romantic either. I like my romance in “not so often” increments. However, I think some key ingredients to make things work are communication, honesty, compromise, and loyalty. I am a firm believer that relationships are WORK – Oh yes, I said it. But who wants more work? Well if you want to stay together, you both have to put in the work to make it last. So let me hit you with another cliché [teehee]: if you want that flame to keep burning, you have to keep fanning those embers. BOOM! Mind blowing, I know.

1. COMMUNICATE! Talk to each other. I don’t know how much emphasis I can put on that. Tell each other about each other’s day. Compliment each other. It may come off cheesy, but it’ll make the other feel good about themselves and let them know you still find them attractive in some shape or form. Always make sure that after you talk, that you listen too; make sure it’s a 2-way conversation. Remember that you’re talking TO each other and not AT each other. Talk when you’re happy, mad, sad, etc. Communication is key so you both are always in the same loop.

2. Be HONEST about everything. Let’s not point any fingers about which sex is not as honest as the other because it happens on both ends. It’s better to hear it from each other rather than from someone outside of the relationship. Never wait for things to pop off or for the shit to hit the fan. Be open. Always remember, no matter how big or how small – a lie is a lie. Period.

3. COMPROMISE – that goes both ways. You can’t always get your way and neither should the other. It’s very similar to what you should have been taught as a child; you can’t always get what you want, or you can reference: The Rolling Stones :) haha my Dad would love that I used that.

4. I don’t know about the rest of you, but LOYALTY is super important to me. With all the social media mumbo-jumbo, there’s a lot of temptation out there. A simple “like” here and there makes you just as guilty (at least that’s how I roll). Being loyal doesn’t just mean to be faithful sexually. Being loyal is also having respect for the other – emotions included. You should never make your significant other feel like they’re in competition with anyone physically or emotionally. What I’ve learned to do is to just rid myself of anything that could be misinterpreted as a “temptation”. If it meant that much, I’d sacrifice that over feeding into your insecurities/illusions. ‘Nuf said.

I think over time a lot of people get too comfortable with each other. When you start to feel too comfortable, things start to become a routine. When everything seems like it’s routine, you stop trying and put in little to no effort. Then what? I don’t want to be with someone who only says “I love you” out of habit. I’m sure that goes for everyone. When I say it I want them to know that I mean it. You don’t only have to say it, but remember to also show it. Actions speak volumes.

According to “recent studies” after that average of 2 years of newlywed bliss, it’s up to the both of you to keep on moving forward. So don’t lose yourself in the routines, don’t give in to temptation, and don’t forget how you felt when it all began. I would think that should be motivation enough.

In the end, make sure to always appreciate each other.


xo,
sss