“In fairy tales, marriages last happily ever after. Science, however, tells us that wedded bliss has but a limited shelf life. American and European researchers tracked 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over the course of 15 years. The findings were clear: newlyweds enjoy a big happiness boost that lasts, on average, for just two years. Then the special joy wears off and they are back where they started, at least in terms of happiness. The findings, from a 2003 study, have been confirmed by several recent studies.” –NY TIMES (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/02/opinion/sunday/new-love-a-short-shelf-life.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0)
It just so happened that my sis had brought up some similar info over the weekend. Hence motivating me to look it up for myself. Who would have thought that Love had a short shelf life? You might as well put a “2 Years from now” expiration date on it. I don’t know about anyone else, but that definitely gave me a scare. Personally, I think just making it through a year has been intense; but that may have to do with how fast our year went.
I’m not a key expert in relationships nor will I ever claim to be. Why? Because everyone is different – yup there went that cliché. Your compatibility will differ with different people. I’m not a hopeless romantic either. I like my romance in “not so often” increments. However, I think some key ingredients to make things work are communication, honesty, compromise, and loyalty. I am a firm believer that relationships are WORK – Oh yes, I said it. But who wants more work? Well if you want to stay together, you both have to put in the work to make it last. So let me hit you with another cliché [teehee]: if you want that flame to keep burning, you have to keep fanning those embers. BOOM! Mind blowing, I know.
1. COMMUNICATE! Talk to each other. I don’t know how much emphasis I can put on that. Tell each other about each other’s day. Compliment each other. It may come off cheesy, but it’ll make the other feel good about themselves and let them know you still find them attractive in some shape or form. Always make sure that after you talk, that you listen too; make sure it’s a 2-way conversation. Remember that you’re talking TO each other and not AT each other. Talk when you’re happy, mad, sad, etc. Communication is key so you both are always in the same loop.
2. Be HONEST about everything. Let’s not point any fingers about which sex is not as honest as the other because it happens on both ends. It’s better to hear it from each other rather than from someone outside of the relationship. Never wait for things to pop off or for the shit to hit the fan. Be open. Always remember, no matter how big or how small – a lie is a lie. Period.
3. COMPROMISE – that goes both ways. You can’t always get your way and neither should the other. It’s very similar to what you should have been taught as a child; you can’t always get what you want, or you can reference: The Rolling Stones :) haha my Dad would love that I used that.
4. I don’t know about the rest of you, but LOYALTY is super important to me. With all the social media mumbo-jumbo, there’s a lot of temptation out there. A simple “like” here and there makes you just as guilty (at least that’s how I roll). Being loyal doesn’t just mean to be faithful sexually. Being loyal is also having respect for the other – emotions included. You should never make your significant other feel like they’re in competition with anyone physically or emotionally. What I’ve learned to do is to just rid myself of anything that could be misinterpreted as a “temptation”. If it meant that much, I’d sacrifice that over feeding into your insecurities/illusions. ‘Nuf said.
I think over time a lot of people get too comfortable with each other. When you start to feel too comfortable, things start to become a routine. When everything seems like it’s routine, you stop trying and put in little to no effort. Then what? I don’t want to be with someone who only says “I love you” out of habit. I’m sure that goes for everyone. When I say it I want them to know that I mean it. You don’t only have to say it, but remember to also show it. Actions speak volumes.
According to “recent studies” after that average of 2 years of newlywed bliss, it’s up to the both of you to keep on moving forward. So don’t lose yourself in the routines, don’t give in to temptation, and don’t forget how you felt when it all began. I would think that should be motivation enough.
In the end, make sure to always appreciate each other.
xo,
sss
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