As we now enter the month of March reality is starting to dawn on me that October will be here before I know it. As of right now I'm like "pshh that's 7 months away!" But in my gut I feel like time is already flying.
I don't want it to.
Why?
Because October is my husband's EAS. He's going to submit to re-enlist and the odds are not in my favor. Meaning more than likely I will be moving.
As some of you know my family is very close. When one of us needs help, the rest of us are there to help [normally my Dad or sister come to my rescue]. I'm not trying to discredit the rest of my family it's just those two tend to take the initiative and make moves.
When my Dad retired from the Navy we all packed up and moved to Illinois. When that place just wasn't cutting it, we did the same thing and we all moved to North Carolina. [Lather. Rinse. Repeat.] That seemed to always be our game plan, but it came with the territory. [Welcome to military life] When my Dad's time was up in one place, we moved to another. So FYI, I was not born in NC [that always comes as a shock], I just pretty much grew up here. Actually, none of my siblings were born here; it's either the Philippines or Hawaii - I lucked out and was born in Hawaii :) [I was so young when we moved that I don't remember shit].
Anyways, I'm getting off topic.
So the thought of having to pack up and leave WITHOUT my family this time is depressing. My game plan has changed.
I've already heard that "hey, well that's what you get for marrying a Marine" or "get used to it". Well guess what? Shut the fu*k up. For anyone to imply that I can't rant or get frustrated or stressed out over the thought of change is ludicrous. Need I remind you, this is the type of shit I grew up doing!? My family and living here is my comfort zone.
But this is the game plan for MY family. So in some fashion I'm still doing the same thing, but passing on the tradition to my kids. The subject is a sore one and it always gets me choked up or teary eyed [pass the tissues please].
What am I going to do if I need help? Who's going to come to my little big man's soccer games? Who will I have Subway lunch dates with? Who am I going to TRY to schedule a family birthday dinner with? Who's going to stop by my office and share random road rage stories with? What about our big family holidays?
See, all those things are the things I complain about NOW. As soon as my phone goes off - I grunt and complain before even looking at my caller ID; wondering who's bothering me this time. When it's my birthday and we're all trying to coordinate a time/place to get together and have dinner to celebrate, but everyone has different schedules and often times there's miscommunication or last minute changes. When my little big man has a soccer game and the coach isn't coaching like he/she should, I'm the one who receives all the bitching from my family as if I were the one calling the shots.
The list goes on.
Those are the things I should take advantage of. At least I'm getting a phone call; that they've taken the time out of their day to talk to me for a good 5 to 30 minutes. At least most of us can get together and share a birthday celebration. At least they take time out of their weekend - mind you it's their days off - to watch my little big man play.
Sometimes we're so caught up with what's going on in our own life/mind/heart that we forget the little things.
I won't get to enjoy those little things after this year.
Honestly, I wish we could all see each other more often. I occasionally have lunch with my Dad and sister. As of recently I see my little brother more [I wonder why lol]. My other sister and her family make an effort to drive 4-5 hours to visit. My other sister lives in a different state so I can't bitch. I feel like I don't see my Mom and my older brother that much. We all live in close proximity of each other; give or take 30-45 minutes. I get that we all have our own shit going on, but sometimes it's one excuse after another. If you can drive to Bum Fu*k Egypt every other weekend to do whatever, you can come hang out more often.
Balance.
That seems to be the reoccurring mission in life. First you're busy trying to balance out your own shit and then more factors are thrown in so then it gets even MORE chaotic. It's kind of like math [ugh I hate math]. You have basic math and as you get older it gets more complicated; so then they throw in letters to make it more difficult... It's nuts!
My family will always be my priority. People come and go, but your family will always be there. Regardless of how much pain/heartache you put them through or whatever obstacles/loops you throw at them, when the fog clears - they were right there behind you the whole time.
F A M I Love You
xo,
sss
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