Wednesday, January 11, 2017

To My Little Big Man

J,

So I'm sitting here 10 minutes to midnight, watching the minutes change.  It's like POOF! you're officially 11 years old.  If I could stop time, I would in an instant.  If I could keep you and your brother in a bubble to protect you from everything bad, I would.  You have grown into this amazing little boy, whom pretty soon I won't even be able to call you that anymore.  As I sit here by myself and reminisce I just can't believe it.

After I had you, there were plenty of times where I sat to myself and just thought "why me".  I was sixteen for heaven's sake!  But out of all the people in the world, you picked me.  I was young and dumb.  I thought I knew everything and could do anything.  I would sometimes think, that there are so many people in the world who would love to have the privilege I had to be able to have a baby, that were more age appropriate, responsible, and had a plan.  But you picked me.

At first, at the ripe age of sixteen, I thought I was being punished.  I felt like it was God's way of teaching me a lesson and throwing it in my face at how wrong I could be.

But I was wrong.

You weren't a punishment or a lesson - you were/are a blessing.  You changed my life for the better.  I owned up to the consequence of my actions, no questions asked; there wasn't any other option, but to go through with having you.

January 11th, 2006 was the day my life changed.

There are plenty things I regret in my life, but you are not one of them.  I'm sorry for all the times I dragged you back and forth, moving all the time.  You were/still are a child and you needed stability/routine, and I didn't provide it to you like I should have.  I'm sorry for some of the things you've had to witness at a young age, and the predicaments you were put in.  Those are just a few of the things I wish I could take back.

You and I have been through a lot together and you've always handled it like a champ, never really complaining like you probably wanted to.  And I know that you were so used to being my baby - my only baby.  So having a little brother was definitely a game changer and a big adjustment, but per the usual you took in stride.  There are a lot of days, that I wish I had more patience and the motivation to be the Mom you and your brother deserve; which is something I'm working on a lot more.  I know I'm probably not a lot of fun to be around most days, but I just want you to know that I'm trying.

My words are kind of all over the place, but I just wanted to emphasize how proud I am of you; I don't think I say it enough.  And even though there are plenty of days where you make me want to pull my hair out, you're still one of my favorite people.  You are so smart, handsome, goofy, and compassionate - and so much more.

I love you to infinite and beyond, Happy Birthday!



“I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be.”


First Christmas

He loved soccer so much, he could taste it.

4th Birthday

Kindergarten

Who knew that signing him up for recreational soccer, meant witnessing a soccer star in the making.

He is such an amazing big brother.

He stepped out of his shell and wanted to join Choir.

My favorite picture of him recently, this past Christmas.






xo,
Mom

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Two Thousand Seventeen

Hi and Happy New Year!



I hope everyone's holidays were full of love and excitement like mine were.

Minus the obvious ache of missing my family, more so around the holidays, we had a great first time Christmas on our own.  I tried to stick to some of the traditions I had while growing up, but we also started some new ones.

On Christmas Eve we still baked cookies for Santa.  Although our cookies turned into chubby versions of themselves, they were just as delicious and fun to decorate.  We also had a small version of Noche Buena.  We even had our friends from next door over to feast with us.  I was a little nervous about cooking a special feast on my own and for a bigger group rather than my norm of just the four of us.  I was so used to my Mom and sisters prepping/cooking everything, while I would stay away from the kitchen until it was time to eat [haha I know I'm not the only one who does that], so this made me feel like the pressure was on!  We grubbed on honey-ham, green beans, potato salad, rolls, and pumpkin pie -- my sweet potato casserole was a F A I L!  Apparently there are TWO types of sweet potatoes...  Who knew?!  Well I didn't; which goes to show that I never eat them.  I needed the orange kind, but ended up with the white kind...  So I ended up not making it.  Which sucked BIG time because I was so excited to make it after I tried it [for the first time EVER] when my MIL made it for Thanksgiving.  Everything else turned out great though :)  I'm so thankful we got to do our own thing for a change.  I love being around family especially around the holidays, but the change of pace was nice.

When it comes to New Years, my plans have always been a little different than what I think is assumed or "normal" for people my age.  I like being a home-body, no hitting up any clubs/parties or getting shit-faced.  My Mom always taught us that on New Years you should spend it with the people you love and want to spend the upcoming year with, have money in your pocket, have a variety of 13 kinds of fruit on the table, and something round.  So I did and spent New Years with my husband and kids, as well as our friends from next door.  We had planned on having a cook out, but it had been windy/rainy all day, so we moved the dining to inside.  They couldn't stay awake and ended up leaving way before midnight [we were all close to falling into a food-coma].  Surprisingly, all four of us stayed up until midnight.  The kids were so chill, meanwhile my husband and I were fighting sleep some kind of bad.

I'm not one for new years resolutions.  I always find myself struggling to find a goal I want to reach; I guess I'm not really goal-oriented.  Maybe that should be my resolution, to become more goal-oriented! [haha]  There's no "new year, new me" bullshit coming from me.  I like the bitchy-sassy-cunty-funny-honest self that I am [yes, I called myself 'cunty'].  If I had to pick something, I'd want to work on being a better mom.  I know I'm nowhere near perfect and I have zero patience - for crazy children, clueless husbands, or assholes.  So it's easy for me to lash out when my patience is on E.  So if I can work on my patience, I feel like that would aid me in some shape or form in being a better mom.



In other news, my two wittle babies are getting older [insert me balling my eyes out here].  Pretty soon my Little Big Man will be eleven and my Toddler will be three.  Where does time go?!  I find myself looking at old pictures and videos of my Toddler, and just think "Damn!  Where did my little Newbie go...?"  I wish I could do the same with my Little Big Man.  I have some pictures here and there [compliments of my dad and sister], but I don't have a lot like I do with my Toddler.  While raising my Little Big Man, it was during the MySpace days.  When MySpace had their face-lift, I lost a lot of my old photos.  Plus, I didn't take that many videos back then.  My Little Big Man is doing amazing at playing flag football.  He started out with less confidence, but he's moving on up rather quickly.  He even scored a touchdown during one of his games!  My Toddler is growing like a weed.  He's known his ABC's for quite some time, can count to 12, and knows his shapes.

My Husband and I are doing really well too.  We got news before Christmas that he may deploy this year :(  I am beyond terrified, but it was inevitable.  In the three years that we've been together, this is the third time he "may" deploy, but this time I think it's actually going to happen.  If and when this happens, it'll be the longest time we've ever spent away from each other.  On the plus side, this would be another good excuse to go home for a while! :)


I'm looking forward to the new year and what's to come for my family and myself.

Positive vibes everyone!



xo,
sss