Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Dependa

Hiii :)

To state the obvious - it's Wednesday; I'm (2) days late on my post.  I had that stupid tummy bug [thanks to my hubby for sharing ugh]

I feel like discussing a: "DEPENDA" aka "Dependapotamus"



For those of you who do not know what that is, here's the definition from Urban Dictionary:
"Traditionally a service-members dependent who is a stay at home mom that doesn't do a damn thing all day besides sitting on the couch looking remarkably similar to jabba the hut leaching off of military benefits and eating anything that gets too close"

Harsh, right?  I think harsh is an understatement; it's just down right horrible and mean.

Well that my dear is pretty much the label applied to any military spouse - regardless of the branch of service.

I never really heard the term until I began working on a military base.  I'm not going to deny that some of the jokes made me laugh every once in a while.  Once I became a military spouse I heard it more often after joining several wife groups on social media.  [ermahgurd] If you even mention that word on one of those group pages, you'll probably be banned [it's nuts].  I joined those pages thinking it was full of "support" so if I had any questions relating to housing/insurance/I'm running out of examples...  However, those pages are usually filled with girls asking for opinions on what to wear, what to cook, rants about their husbands or in-laws, what hair would look best with what dress for the ball, complaining about life in general...  I don't know maybe I have a different idea of what support is...  Or I guess the only support I understand is the wire in a bra.

If you actually think about it why is the non-military service spouse the one who gets all the lashing?

You marry someone in the military.  You move from one duty station to the next.  In the process of moving you make friends and lose friends along the way.  You move away from family.  If you have kids, they're constantly switching schools.  You are removed from your comfort zone.  You have to make new friends.  You pretty much have to start all over every 3-4 years.

That's easy though, right?  No.

If you don't work or you're a stay at home spouse, you're expected to clean the house/cook dinner/do laundry/etc. and never complain - whether you're 100% healthy or the walking death.  You're supposed to look like a Victoria's Secret model 24/7 because if you're not skinny/fit with the perfect hour-glass shape body you're considered fat/slob & should hit up the free gym on base.  Since you don't work you can't say it's "our" money because you didn't work to earn that money.  If you want to spoil yourself shopping for a pair of shoes or maybe get a pedi/mani, you need to ask permission or maybe you have a certain amount you're "allowed" to spend.

Doesn't that sound ridiculous???  Why are only military spouses scrutinized and held to these expectations, but any normal person isn't subjected to this type of criticism?

Don't get me wrong - I do believe there are spouses out there that intentionally marry someone in the military for their money/benefits/rank, etc.  I do believe that there are stay-at-home spouses who sit around and do NOTHING all day.  I think these types of people are pieces of shit.

I've never been offended by the term because I'm confident enough that I know that word doesn't apply to me.  I've always worked; even before I met my hubby.  I took care of my oldest and myself before I met my hubby.  I not only work full time, but I still manage to have a clean house and dinner on the table all while living in a house with 3 boys [that's including my hubby lol].

The audacity some people have to degrade a military spouse is beyond me.  You don't know my struggles and I don't know yours.  Your situation will never be EXACTLY like mine and vise versa.  I think being a military spouse has a lot of baggage.  You're held to some high expectations and are expected to never complain or feel lonely or feel tired.  You have to treat your active military spouse as some superior or king.  I don't.  I treat him as my equal.

Please remember that not every situation is the same.  It's all different depending on what type of job they have in the military.

Let's flip the script.

You're in the military.  You're married and have kids.  You always come home to a clean house, dinner on the table, and clean laundry...  When it's time for you to PCS, your spouse takes care of all the unpacking while you check in to your new duty station.  Your spouse enrolls the kids into school.  Everyday you wake up, throw on your uniform and head to work [routine].  Everyday your spouse gets the kids up and ready for school/daycare and then gets themselves ready for the day.  You spend your lunch as time for you to PT.  Your spouse spends lunch cleaning or grocery shopping or prepping food for dinner.  After work you return home to what?  A clean house, dinner on the table, etc.  You DEPEND on your spouse to hold down the fort while you do your job.  You DEPEND on your spouse to make sure you have dinner on the table.  You DEPEND on your spouse to handle doctor's/dentist's appointments or school conferences.  You DEPEND on your spouse to have your uniform washed.  You DEPEND on your spouse to have the mental stability to handle everything while you do your job.

Who is the DEPENDA now?

**I am NOT discrediting the military or trying to start some anti-dependa movement.  I love our military.  All I ask is that maybe you take a step back and look at it from a different perspective**






xo,
sss