Thursday, July 31, 2014

Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery

Am I right?

I, however, can NOT stand it!

Ever since I was little I couldn't stand when someone copied me; whether it was my hair, or my clothes, or my shoes, etc. [you get my point].  I liked LIKE to be an individual. 

I think everyone should be themselves and not rely or jock shit from other people.

It was different if I was the one who came up with the idea.  Holidays, etc. were a totally different story. 


[i guess this is me ranting - which I try NOT to do on here]

I started blogging because I knew while I was on maternity leave I would need something to do.  Mind you, having a newborn doesn't give you too much free time.  I figured writing a blog was similar to having an online journal, but I could still keep certain things *personal [#sorrynotsorry].

So tell me why I'm peeping through my "Following" feed on my Instagram and spot someone I used to REALLY REALLY REALLY dislike.

[honestly, it's been years so I'm pretty blah about it].

So I did what any female would do -- straight. up. lurked.


I peeped it too had a blog.  So I'm like "let me check this shit out"... I discovered some of the topics I have already covered, she coincidentally has too... [seriously wtf].

I'm all for blogging; to each their own -- or some shit.  I don't know 100% if it is a legit coincidence or home girl is jocking my shhweet topics...  I like that a handful of my lady friends have picked up the hobby too. 

-- it's more than likely because I disliked her.

I should be flattered [i'll sit and rotate a bit and get back to you on that].

My Dad used to always tell me "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery", but I find it irritating. 



Monday, July 28, 2014

Chapter 1 - COMPLETE

mahal kita.  te amo.  ti amo.  je t'aime. 
This weekend we celebrated our *1 Year Wedding Anniversary* WHOOP WHOOP!  I like to think of it as a huge milestone in my life.  I never thought I'd be married... And like Mr. Brown has said -- "Look At Me Now" tee hee [cheesy, I know]. 

When we "found" each other, we weren't looking.  We worked [still do] in the same building; saw each other in passing.  We knew the same people.  I didn't think I was his type [sometimes I think I'm a little too ghetto haha] and I didn't think he was mine either [some stuck up cali boy].  Whether or not you hear his version [me STALKING him- he's full of shit] or mine [that he was STUCK UP], we both agree that we never expected to fall in love each other. 

"We Found Love In a Hopeless Place"

This weekend MY plan was to go to Myrtle Beach again and stay at a resort on the beach; that way we could be beach bums for most of our trip.  Then catch the evening show to watch the Pirates Voyage.

-- BUT --

My hubby had a different idea in mind.  Instead we went to Wilmington [duh fu*k right?]  It just so happens, our first "spontaneous" date/road trip was to Wilmington.  We were only supposed to go to dinner that night, but it ended up snowing.  So to be on the safe side we ended up crashing at a hotel for the night.  He thought it would be sweet if we went back to the same place, same restaurant, to "re live" our spontaneous night [aww how shhweet].

Day 1: We left after work on Friday after dropping off the kiddos with my sister.  My ass was knocked the fu*k out a majority of the ride.  Since it was late & we were exhausted, we ordered pizza for Day 1's romantic dinner :) [daddy would you like some sausage] tee hee!

Day 2: On Saturday we headed to the mall & did some shopping for the kids.  The mall even had an indoor glow mini golf course and laser maze that we both couldn't resist! [I kicked his ass in mini golf - like a boss] Haha!  We then found this bungee/ trampoline thing.  I was  too much of a puss to do any flips [dont judge me]  After our fun mall adventures we headed to the movie theater to watch "Tammy".  It was funny, but I was kind of disappointed it wasn't super duper funny [Melissa McCarthy is friggen hilarious].  Once our movie date was done we headed back to our hotel to freshen up, maybe spoon ;) & then headed to dinner downtown.

**SIDE NOTE** I must admit -- I felt SO out of place downtown.  There were a bunch of bars & clubs that we didn't go into, but I didn't even feel the urge to want to [haha I sound like I was feening].

Sorry, I got sidetracked!  [SQUIRREL].  Dinner was nom noms, just like I remembered it!  After dinner we found an ice cream shop that was oh so delicious.  My wittle self couldn't finish that shit.  After all that excitement we made it back to our hotel & crashed.

We're like an old married couple - tee hee!

I had a good time.  Of course, the fun/relaxing/much needed time had to come to an end [snap back to reality].  We stopped at a Cracker Barrel on the way home; it wasn't too bad.  I'm not going to lie, I missed my babies while away.  I'm guilty of checking my photos/videos on my phone to see their faces.  That was the first time we spent nights away from the newbie.  My little big man pretty much ditches us every weekend -- he's a grandpa's boy (:

It's been a fun/crazy/chaotic year.  If you're a reg then you already read that we celebrated our 1 Year Anniversary on Valentine's Day.  Yup, we weren't dating long before we got married [so whaaat].  This weekend did feel like a flashback though; except last time it was cold.  I miss those times so much.  The spontaneity we had has vanished or become scarce :/  It was so nice to spend some alone time together.  Nooo it wasn't like a full on sex-capade [unfortunately] tee hee jk jk! [maybe]  It was nice to just be able to lay around/go out/relax together.  It's kind of hard though when you have kids; we can't just hop in the car & drive off into the sunset.  Before our newbie was born, our little big man would do the usual and want to hang out with Grandpa on the weekend.  So instead of sitting at home we would dip and go do whatever.

Anyways --
26 July 2013 (photo cred: jws)
Regardless at how much he drives me insane, I look forward to more years to come with the love of my life.
"You had me at Marco..."

[I absolutely love her cover of this song!]


Thursday, July 24, 2014

Do Over Anyone?

If you had a chance to do something all over again to change some things here & there, would you take it?  Here's the catch, [just like what you see on the big Hollywood movie screens] if you change the smallest thing in the past, it's like a domino effect all the way to the present...

I'm pretty damn sure I'm not the ONLY one who wishes there was a handy time machine [I see you!].

This randomly crosses my mind when it's quiet or I'm alone.  But, alone time can be bad news for me.  It gives my mind time to wander about all the good and bad; the "what ifs" and "could be".

I ask myself "what if" I had actually listened to my parents when I was in high school and behaved myself; would I have gone off to college?  What would I have gone to school for?  Would I have gone to a college here in the same state as where my family resides or would I have gone off to somewhere foreign to me?  Would I have met someone while I was in college?  Would we have gotten married?  How many kids would I have had?

I also go to the disappointing/bad/depressing thoughts [you knew it was coming]...  I ask myself "what if" he wakes up one day and says he can't stand my bitchiness anymore and wants to leave me?  How would I react?  What will happen to the kids and me?  What if he drags me all the way to the other coast just so he can leave me?


I really haven't been myself.  Though I don't share it vocally, I know I'm not.  I don't see the point in sharing with anyone like "Oh hey guys... I'm a little too sad all the time..." etc.  [keep it to yourself attention whoreI like to bottle things up, so I can explode later - said No One Ever.  I make up stories in my mind that are usually depressing or anger me.  I have plenty of times through out the day where I want to break down and cry, it can be over something small or nothing at all.  Then there are my mood swings.  Everyone has there good & bad days, but woOooo I feel like my settings are on some other shit.


I am ridiculously annoying.  Hold up, don't agree! -- I'm referring to my thought process. 

I'm well aware that I've done some stupid/crazy shit in the past.  They say to never have regrets, but helluuurrr -- I do.


If you spend so much time worried about what happened in the past, you can never enjoy the present.  So I've heard.  If I never did some of that stupid/crazy shit, I wouldn't have some of the things I do today.

My precious babies <3.

I know Mama can be a little cray cray at times, but my they mean everything to me.  My little big man can say or do something silly and get me to smile.  His randomness is my favorite.  He's always full of questions whether they pertain to the conversation or not.  Then there's my newbie who has the biggest grin, it can change your whole mood in a heartbeat. Aaand even though it irritates me, their random farting makes me laugh [lmao - no matter how old you are, farting is funny]

I wouldn't have met my husband.

We're actually a couple days away from our * 1 Year Wedding Anniversary * [gasps].  I don't understand how celebrating your anniversary came about.  Are you celebrating because of how many years you've managed to stay in love with each other or is it more on the shocking side...? Like "holy shit! We ACTUALLY made it! Who would of thought!?" Haha!  [haha just some food for thought].

I'm still unsure if I'd ever want a do over.  I'm not totally stoked about how my life is playing out at the current moment, but I don't know if that counts for a do over.  In one of my recent posts I said I was making changes, well what if some of the changes can't come from me...?

Ugh... What's a woman to do?

Until next time!


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Put Your Face On

Good morning beautiful(s)!

So as you already know -- I am NOT a beauty guru.  I'm still in the learning stages - call me an amateur [only this once betch].

I feel like I have a shit ton of makeup in my makeup bag for someone who doesn't know much nor wear that much in the first place.

So if you'd like to achieve my boring look, my staples of my everyday makeup regime include:

- Concealer (covergirl tru blend fixstick)
- Mascara (mary kay lash love)
- Lip Exfoliator (e.l.f.)

These are my MUST-HAVES, otherwise I feel like I look dead or tired or run down or blah or bleh or meh or I'm in one of my "f**k off" type of moods.

[and if I'm not running behind]

- Brow Bar (bh cosmetics)
- Eye shadow (mary kay)
- Blush (mary kay)

I'm in the stages of finishing what I have so then I'll be using EVERYTHING Mary Kay (:  Because I'll be damned if I throw away all my makeup I bought prior to MK #sorrynotsorry tee hee

I don't carry my makeup bag in my purse.  I see some of my females friends do so... Hopefully none of my guy friends do [aca awkward] I sometimes end up paying for it though :/  I just feel like it's more unnecessary shit to carry along with the random Legos/snacks I find in my purse from my little big man or snack

No thank you.

So I'm just curious, what is everyone else's makeup must-haves?


Wednesday, July 16, 2014

This is Me

Good morning my fabulous readers!

So this past weekend we had a big family trip to good 'ole Myrtle Beach.  I love that place.  I realized that everytime I get a chance to go there - I never get to actually go to the BEACH.  Like wth..?  This time around my whole family went to the Myrtle Waves water park.  It was ok ish, the kids definitely had a blast.

It included:
- shitty/poor service (insert check mark here)
- tons of water slides [the cornsnake was my fave, or the toilet bowl as my brother liked to call it] (insert check mark here)
- yummy food [dippin' dots, Italian ice, pizza, funnel cakes, fried Oreos] (insert check mark here)
- wave pool (insert check mark here)
- misleading hours online & their marquee (insert check mark here)
- cabanas [we rented one for both days & loved it] (insert check mark here)
- lazy river (insert check mark here)
- incorrect/misleading rules/guidelines online (insert check mark here)

It wasn't horrible to the point it ruined my weekend, BUT I don't enjoy standing outside for an HOUR after they said they were supposed to open.  There were storms first thing early that morning, but it had stopped before we left our hotel.  The right thing would of been to announce to the waiting crowd or perhaps put up a sign that they were waiting due to storms in the surrounding area.  We got NADA.  They were letting assholes cut in line.  I don't care if you're pregnant or not, that doesn't entitle you to shit on everyone's patience who have been waiting in line for over an hour. 

Anyways --

It's been almost 6 months since I've had my newbie.  My body is still "not up to par" in my eyes.  My husband always offers his sweet encouraging words of how good I look, but a lot of times I think he says it to try and boost my confidence.  My family and friends do the same.  Yes, I lost most of my baby weight, but my stomach is still kind of blah.  I'm just good at giving the illusion that I'm back to being thin [tee hee]! 

As of 2 weeks ago, I was brave enough to finally go to the beach.  I was terrified!  I used to be such a beach bum.  I would go every weekend; just my little big man and me or with my family.  If I got off work early, I'd head to the beach.  I had gotten stretch marks from my first pregnancy, but over time they faded and with my tan you couldn't really see it.  So wearing a bikini meant nothing to me.  Well somewhere along the way, something made me panic and I stopped going.  It was as if my confidence went on E and my self-esteem was low.  I'm not joking or exaggerating when I say it's been YEARS

As of this past weekend, I was at the water park for 2 days for hours on end.  I'd walk around with my hands/arms crossed awkwardly over my stomach.  When I'd sit down I'd usually put a towel over my lap and curl up to hide my gut.  I was mainly around my family, but even then I didn't want anyone to see me.  Every once in a while when I was wandering around the park I noticed someone take a glance at my stomach.  I'd just keep my chin up & slowly move my arms to block the view. 

So on day 2 of our trip, I walk into our cabana and my son asks me - "mommy why does your stomach look like that??"... OUCH thanks bunghole lol I just smiled and told him it was because of him and his brother.  I know kids don't know any better.  They're so innocent and outspoken and will ask you or tell you in a heartbeat whatever crosses their little minds.

I'm to the point now where I dislike seeing myself naked.  So I'm sure you can assume the same applies when I'm around my hubby.  I am 100% guilty of comparing myself to what society thinks is what we all "should" look like.  I want a thin, flat stomach.  I want thighs that don't rub together when I walk.  I want my stretch marks to disappear.  I want my love handles to make themselves scarce.  I want my arms to be toned.  I want my C-section scars to go away.  I want all my scars to fade or disappear.  I want to be a little fuller in the boob department and maybe just a little more in my booty - just a smidge more.  But...

This is me.

I'm short.  I have freckles on my face and arms that only turn darker when I'm out in the sun.  I have scars from my eczema, boils, and C-sections.  I have love handles.  I don't have a flat stomach when I sit down.  I have thunder thighs.  I have small feet.  I think the space between my boobs and hips are disproportionate [thanks +Patricia Stoltzfus lol].  I have an ass that fits my body type.  I think my belly button has gotten deeper thanks to pregnancy.  I have stretch marks on my love handles from carrying a 8 lb, 9 oz baby boy and a 9 lb, 14 oz baby boy.

I've earned my stripes.

Hopefully someday I will grow to appreciate them.  I know some people would trade stretch marks any day just so they can have and hold that sweet bundle of joy that helped you earn those stripes.  I'm aware that I sound really ungrateful and unworthy, I know.  I know how lucky I am, but I resent what my pregnancies have done to my body.  I don't mean to come off superficial.  I just feel like I'll never get my body back.

Well --

Today marks the day where I start doing something about it and stop complaining.  I can't see any changes until I make changes [look at me being all motivated and positive].  I need to learn to love myself.

Wish me good luck!


Wednesday, July 9, 2014


Is there such thing as giving your all… too MUCH or too FAST?

I’m on the fence about it and I don’t know if I’m going solo here.

Say you start dating someone and the instant you’re an item or become “official” you do anything and everything for them…

Is that good or bad?

I feel like that’s what I did. Since we’ve been living in hyper-speed it wouldn’t really surprise me.

It starts off all innocent: “sure honey I’ll wash the dishes after I just cooked us dinner”… or “no problem honey I’ll wash that by itself since you forgot to put it with the rest of the laundry before I washed everything”… I was so happy at the fact that I found someone [other than my little big man] I would be willing to do anything for.  So HELL YEA I'll clean up after you & want to take care of you, etc.  I'd always sweep it under the rug.

No big deal, right?

I think doing all of that just ends up spoiling them because now it’s expected. If it's not happening on both sides -- we have a problemOoo.  That one-sided bullshit isn't my fave.  

But life isn’t fair.

When you put in all your time and energy into one thing, it’s like your life pretty much revolves around it; whether it be a person or some kind of obsession or habit. So then what do you have left? What do you do when you don’t have that anymore? You’ve become so dependent on that one thing that without it you feel kind of lost, maybe sometimes empty or lonely. Almost like you "need" them/it to feel happy..? I might be hanging by a thread here, all by my lonesome, but it’s one of those weird things that cross my mind.

If you base your life around a person, don’t ever lose yourselfmake time for yourself. That person will not always be there. 
In a way it’s kind of hard for me. I have a handful of friends. I don’t really hang out with anyone. I’m either at home with my husband and kids or with my family. Lately I’ve been trying to get more involved with my Mary Kay business and participating in the non-mandatory meetings and get togethers so I have time away from home. I’ve been putting myself out there to make “new” friends so my husband doesn’t get sick of me. He hasn’t said it, but who wants to tell their significant other that they don’t enjoy being around them ALL THE TIME? He’s said something along the lines of “why do I need to text you when I see you every day” so it’s only a matter of time before I hit a nerve.
Cue +Patricia Stoltzfus – “you’re your own worst critic Stephanie!” :p
I know I'm my own worst critic, but I also feel like I’m somewhat of a realist. It’s reality. I know people grow to be sick/tired of each other when they’re cooped up with each other too much or for too long. It’s life; that’s why loving someone is so damn hard. You put yourself out there, take the risk of being hurt, and then have to put in work to stay in love. Then you have where it’s one sided or it’s routine or it’s too much. BLAHHH!  Damn, we are some complicated assholes. Sorry… I’m rambling…
Since I’ve been “re-evaluating” my life it’s just something I’ve observed. 
My life revolves around my husband and kids.
I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but it’s my reality. Some days I love it and I’m glowing with satisfaction because of how proud I am of myself, but there are other days where I’m so mad and furious that I did all of this to myself.
I’ve become such a worry wart [that term sounds... just eww].  I don’t want to lose myself.  I like who I am [sometimes] and I don’t want to become dependent on anyone else.  I have finally come to the realization that you can’t depend on anyone else for your own happiness.  I’ve heard that line before, but never cared for it; now I hear it loud and clear.  If you depend on anyone else then that leaves room for disappointment or heartbreak, etc.  
Aint nobody got time for that!

Anywho – 
  • Find your happy median
  • Don't lose yourself
  • Make time for yourself
  • Find what makes you happy


Thursday, July 3, 2014

Lights. Camera. Action!


So this past Saturday I finally had my debut party for my Mary Kay business.

It was a...  SUCCESS!

A normal party is usually 5-6 people.  I had 14 who R.S.V.P.'d, but had 9 show.  From what I've been told -- that's A LOT (:

I was so nervous!  I woke up early [like usual] so I could start preparing the food I had planned and to give me time in case my newbie woke up.  Which he did and wouldn't let this mama catch a break.  So I woke up his daddy & reminded him he had baby duty ALL day (:  So off to the kitchen I went.

My menu was:
-  Buffalo Chicken Dip
-  Fiesta Ranch Dip
-  Veggie Platter
-  Fruit Bowl

Well some of the ladies I invited didn't really know me; they were invited since their hubbies work with mine.  So we decided we'd also have a mini BBQ so their hubbies could stick around to make them feel more comfortable.  Turns out only 1 came from that group of invites.  Which was no biggy; we still had a good time!

Addition to my menu:
-  Hot Dogs
-  Burgers
-  Beer

My lovely director did awesome as always.  All the girls liked her and all I had to do was sit there and look pretty take notes :) tee hee. 

Pretty much everyone ordered.  I made over $540!

I'm on a mission.  This is my hustle.  This is my grind.  I was terrified at first considering I don't have a lot of girlfriends and I'm definitely not a people person [at least I didn't think I was].  This business isn't making me do a double take.  I actually enjoy it! 

The recognition I get and how successful I've been so far is... empowering.  I feel like I can do anything.  The unit I'm with is amazing too!  It's full of awesome women, full of fun/creative ideas to keep their businesses going strong.

So far I have one member on my team -- that took me by surprise too.  I'm glad she did though.  That didn't take place at my party, that happened at one of our monthly "Girls Night Out".  I would love to expand my team, but that's not a personal goal I set for myself.  If it happens, it happens.