Wednesday, July 9, 2014


Is there such thing as giving your all… too MUCH or too FAST?

I’m on the fence about it and I don’t know if I’m going solo here.

Say you start dating someone and the instant you’re an item or become “official” you do anything and everything for them…

Is that good or bad?

I feel like that’s what I did. Since we’ve been living in hyper-speed it wouldn’t really surprise me.

It starts off all innocent: “sure honey I’ll wash the dishes after I just cooked us dinner”… or “no problem honey I’ll wash that by itself since you forgot to put it with the rest of the laundry before I washed everything”… I was so happy at the fact that I found someone [other than my little big man] I would be willing to do anything for.  So HELL YEA I'll clean up after you & want to take care of you, etc.  I'd always sweep it under the rug.

No big deal, right?

I think doing all of that just ends up spoiling them because now it’s expected. If it's not happening on both sides -- we have a problemOoo.  That one-sided bullshit isn't my fave.  

But life isn’t fair.

When you put in all your time and energy into one thing, it’s like your life pretty much revolves around it; whether it be a person or some kind of obsession or habit. So then what do you have left? What do you do when you don’t have that anymore? You’ve become so dependent on that one thing that without it you feel kind of lost, maybe sometimes empty or lonely. Almost like you "need" them/it to feel happy..? I might be hanging by a thread here, all by my lonesome, but it’s one of those weird things that cross my mind.

If you base your life around a person, don’t ever lose yourselfmake time for yourself. That person will not always be there. 
In a way it’s kind of hard for me. I have a handful of friends. I don’t really hang out with anyone. I’m either at home with my husband and kids or with my family. Lately I’ve been trying to get more involved with my Mary Kay business and participating in the non-mandatory meetings and get togethers so I have time away from home. I’ve been putting myself out there to make “new” friends so my husband doesn’t get sick of me. He hasn’t said it, but who wants to tell their significant other that they don’t enjoy being around them ALL THE TIME? He’s said something along the lines of “why do I need to text you when I see you every day” so it’s only a matter of time before I hit a nerve.
Cue +Patricia Stoltzfus – “you’re your own worst critic Stephanie!” :p
I know I'm my own worst critic, but I also feel like I’m somewhat of a realist. It’s reality. I know people grow to be sick/tired of each other when they’re cooped up with each other too much or for too long. It’s life; that’s why loving someone is so damn hard. You put yourself out there, take the risk of being hurt, and then have to put in work to stay in love. Then you have where it’s one sided or it’s routine or it’s too much. BLAHHH!  Damn, we are some complicated assholes. Sorry… I’m rambling…
Since I’ve been “re-evaluating” my life it’s just something I’ve observed. 
My life revolves around my husband and kids.
I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but it’s my reality. Some days I love it and I’m glowing with satisfaction because of how proud I am of myself, but there are other days where I’m so mad and furious that I did all of this to myself.
I’ve become such a worry wart [that term sounds... just eww].  I don’t want to lose myself.  I like who I am [sometimes] and I don’t want to become dependent on anyone else.  I have finally come to the realization that you can’t depend on anyone else for your own happiness.  I’ve heard that line before, but never cared for it; now I hear it loud and clear.  If you depend on anyone else then that leaves room for disappointment or heartbreak, etc.  
Aint nobody got time for that!

Anywho – 
  • Find your happy median
  • Don't lose yourself
  • Make time for yourself
  • Find what makes you happy


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