Wednesday, May 28, 2014

16 & Pregnant



No, I'm not talking about the TV Show -- which honestly in my opinion, I thought was horrible. 

I'm talking about me.

Yup, before that show ever aired *I* was actually 16 & pregnant.  I'm pretty sure not the FIRST ever, but when it happened that's how I felt. 

So where to start...

How did I feel?  Embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated, lost, terrified, shocked, panicked, a failure, freaked out... I'm sure you could come up with a few emotions on your own.

Some people meet me and are stunned that I have an 8 year old son.  He's been mistaken for my "little brother" or a kid I'm "babysitting".  Then when I would hit them with the BIG reveal that he's actually MY spawn, their reactions differed.  I've had the look of utter shock, jaw dropped, OMG type shit.  I've gotten "the look" of disapproval or "smh" -- not only from my parents, but from complete strangers.  Those looks I didn't seem to mind; they were strangers who knew nothing about me. *Swerve :)

Let me take you back:

I can remember the day like it was yesterday when I came home; I was in Texas visiting my Grandma when I made the discovery.  I was scared shitless to get off the plane.  My Dad was there to pick us up (my sister and I).  We had to pickup pizza at Papa Johns for dinner.  My Dad barely said anything to me.  He just kept staring at my stomach.  When we made it home, the house felt dark to me; almost cold.  I'm pretty sure it had to do with the fact I was scared out of my mind and didn't know what I was supposed to do, how I was supposed to act, or most importantly... What was I supposed to say?  Finally in the middle of dinner, my Mom lashed out at me.  I was used to my Mom getting mad or yelling, but this was different.  It was like an angry kind of hurt.  My Dad, like always, was the bigger person.  He wasn't over it nor did he want to accept it, but he still spoke to me.  My Mom refused to talk to me or even look at me.  Even though my Mom and I didn't always agree, it killed me.  My sister was there for me and my other siblings didn't know how to act.  I mean, who really is prepared for this?  In school the news spread insanely quick.  I was an awesome student and was never in trouble.  So who would expect a girl like me was even capable of ruining her life?  That's what I would hear or see on peoples' faces.  Once again, that shit didn't phase me (in high school my mentality was a WHOLE lot different).  So if you didn't like me, no f*cks were given.  The usual high school gossip was going around about my surprising news.  I finished high school.  I wasn't a drop out.  I didn't become another one of those statistics.

My life wasn't over.

You're first thought or at least MY first thought was "OMG my life is over".  Whooo!  I was so wrong.  I thought no one would ever want me again.  I figured I had failed.  I never imagined something this extreme happening to me! Like I said, I was completely wrong.  My son changed my life.  I was so stupid and na├»ve.  He changed me for the better.  I like to ponder what my life could have been if he didn't come around (I know that sounds horrible so let me finish!).  I'd ask myself would I have turned out worse?  Thankfully, no.  He made me look at the world in a whole new perspective.  He taught me how to be responsible and unselfish.  I learned to not put myself first, but take into consideration that there was 2 of us now.

I don't think of him as a mistake or accident. 

He's my achievement.

Did I miss out on a lot of things?  Kind of.  I didn't go off to college.  I didn't go off to wild parties.  I didn't get my permit when I was 16.  I got it when I turned 17 which made it less of a wait until I turned 18 for my license. 

I owe all of it to my loving & supportive family.  If it wasn't for them, I probably would of dropped out.  They not only babysat him for me, but they taught me what I was supposed to do.  Do I regret him?  Never.  However, I do NOT condone getting pregnant at 16.  If any minors are reading this, please wait.  If you're that impatient, then be smart about it. 

So I survived.  Now I have 2 handsome, precious boys and an uhhmazing husband. 

Life does get better & everything happens for a reason :)

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I've ended up where I needed to be" --Douglas Adams



xo,
sss

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Beauty Review: NYM Way To Grow (Part 1)

LHDC

Hopefully you know what that stands for...

LONG. HAIR. DON'T. CARE.

My "go-to" line when I come to f*ck sh*t up! :)

So yesterday I purchased Not Your Mother's: Way to Grow Long & Strong shampoo and conditioner from Ulta.  It was listed on Pinterest: http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/beauty-products-that-really-work-according-to-pinterest as 41 Beauty Products that "really work" *according to Pinterest.  So since I'm always pretty gung-ho about experimenting with some beauty ish, I figured I'd give it a try. 



I feel like my hair grows in slow motion.  My bestie: +Patricia Stoltzfus could chop a lot of her hair off and still manage to have longer hair than me the next time I'd see her again (she lives in NY). 

Maybe it's my diet???

Today was my first time using it.  So this is me documenting this epic moment of finally discovering the secret to growing longer hair!!!? 



Haha!  I'm not 100% sure how long I'm supposed to use this until it starts showing some change - Half a bottle? Maybe the whole thing?  So like usual, I'll keep you all updated.



xo,
sss

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Ambitions



When you were younger, what did you want to be when you grew up?

As for me, when I was a child all I ever wanted to be was…

[Wait for it…] 

A model

I loved their glamorous lifestyle. I loved their pretty hair and fancy attire. When I was younger, I didn’t care about the big bucks, I just thought they were gorgeous. I thought that when you were a model, it meant you were gorgeous and that’s all I wanted to be. 

Haha the funny things kids come up with, right? I love how open-minded children can be. When you were a child you thought anything you put your mind to or wanted, you could get so easily. It was all just an arm’s length away. 

False 
Actually, I take that back. 

It depends on how ambitious you are. You can be anything you want to be as long as you have the desire to put in the work/effort to accomplish it. Well ladies and gents, ambition is something I lack. Truthfully, I’m slightly envious of people who have so much ambition and are successful at whatever it is they were going for. 

As of right now at the ripe age of 25, I still don’t know what I want to do with myself. I’m currently a secretary Administrative Professional. I type orders for my fellow co-workers who assist/train the Marines. I make their reservations and keep tabs on where they’re traveling and when they’re not working. I review their input for their daily tasks. I review their travel claims when they return from a trip so they can be reimbursed. It’s decent, but like most jobs there’s drama and stupid people and double standards. The norm… The only issue I have with my job is I have no possibility of being promoted or moving up. Hell I haven’t had a raise in 2-3 years! Why??? According to the big wigs, it’s because the funding for our contract is blah so they can’t afford to give anyone a raise… 

I call BULLSHIT. 

My bad – RANT OVER haha! It’s like I had said – the usual office drama. 

I would love if my blog became something a lot of people were into; maybe even having a column in a paper or magazine. I’d probably have to stop talking like a sailor. As much as I would love to be a *MODEL (: I was “blessed” with being fun size and having a “different” look. 

I want a job where it doesn’t feel like one. How’s the saying go? “Find a job that you love because you’ll never have to work a day in your life” or something like that. 

Maybe I can work for a fashion magazine [tell me why I instantly think of 13 Going on 30 or the Devil Wears Prada…?]. 

I love hearing people speak in another language. I’m currently trying to learn how to speak, what I –SHOULD- already know, *Tagalog – thanks to my handy-dandy Rosetta Stone app on my phone. I could probably consult my Mama, but she works too. I want to learn to speak Spanish and French as well. 

Another outrageous job I’m interested in: being a translator for the po-po! 

*WHOOP WHOOP that’s the sound of the police* 

Don’t judge me lol (: That song had popped into my train of thought. 

So I could rock the FBI jacket [like in the movies!], but only be handy to translate stuff when whomever is speaking some other ishh. 

What was your ambition when you were little? I’d love to read about it. Maybe we can relate so I don’t sound like I’m cray-cray haha 


xo, 
sss

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Stay-at-Home vs Working Full Time



This seems to be an ongoing issue that I constantly see on my Facebook feed. Before I start my lovely blabbering and outrageous OPINIONS ;) let me say – I’m not hating on either or.

For starters, I work full-time. I consider myself a full-time Mommy and full-time Secretary. If the CDC calls me saying my newbie is sick, I will leave work for the day to tend to him. If the school calls and says my little big man is sick, I will do exactly the same thing. My babies come FIRST. The only difference is being a Mommy doesn’t pay my bills.

I feel like there’s some insignificant battle between who is busier, etc. I don’t get what the fuss is all about.

I wouldn’t mind attempting to try the whole “stay-at-home Mom” thing. It would save me $716/month in child care costs. I’d have more time to attempt to clean up the house while trying to take care of my newbie and/or run errands and have dinner made by the time everyone is home. Hmm… That sounds like a lot of shit to do.  

Well, try doing all of that (minus taking care of the newbie since he goes to the CDC) while working a full 8-hour day at a job. Let me give you a glimpse of how my day goes:

0530: Get up, brush my teeth, straighten my hurrr, put my face on - OK! And maybe take a peek at Instagram and Facebook
0600: Make my way downstairs to heat up a bottle for my newbie before he wakes up screaming his heart out, meanwhile label/pack his bottles for the day, and pack my breakfast/lunch to take to work, turn on the Keurig.
0620: Go BACK upstairs to wake up my newbie with my loud, exaggerated “good morning!” greetings, then change his potent pee diaper, and then get him dressed for the day.

0640: Insert bottle into my newbie’s mouth, and burp him while trying to avoid a waterfall of warm throw up.

0655: I finally put my nice work clothes on.

0700-0710: My rush process starts – run downstairs and put my newbie into his car seat, while making sure my little big man has put his lunch into his backpack and will keep his butt in a chair AT the table to finish his breakfast, and loading the diaper bag and any other damn bag I end up bringing for the day into my car, make my coffee TO GO.

0715-0720: Rush out the door with my newbie in tote so we can hurry onto base.

0730-1630: I am at work.

1630: Time to go pick up my newbie, while my hubby goes to pick up our little big man.

1700: HOME SWEET HOME!

1701-2200: Get my little big man started on homework, rinse out bottles, start dinner, change out of my work clothes, -STOP- my newbie is crying… -OK- GO! Put away clean dishes, start washing the dirty ones that were left in the sink, fold laundry, sweep up the kitchen, yay dinner is ready! Clean up the table, wash more dishes (IF I’m not too tired), clean bottles, convince my little big man to take a shower and brush his teeth, tuck him in…

ET CETERA.
Now doesn’t that sound like A LOT too?  

That’s all on a “good” day. I didn’t mention if I had to go to the grocery store or if it was a game day for my hubby or if my little big man had soccer practice.

So before anyone starts bashing who “does the most”… SHUT THE F*CK UP. Please and thanks.

If you are some lazy ass, who sits at home all day; watching TV, glued to your cell phone/computer, just lounging around – then YES I think you suck. How about MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL? Am I jealous? Maybe to a certain extent; I would love to be able to pick up my little big man after school so he’s not stuck at an after-school program until me or my hubby get off of work, or take care of my newbie at home vice him being at the CDC around a bunch of other spawns exchanging germs.

Some of you are so busy pointing fingers and bashing each other that you miss the bigger picture; we’re all working towards the same thing – taking care of our families. At least those of us who work; whether at an 8-hour job or to keep your home happy. So eff you to the lazy bums, who drop their kids off at school or daycare all day just so you can sit on your finger and rotate!

--HOWEVER,

I’m glad I can help provide for my family. I’m thankful that I even have a nice job that gives me the ability to contribute to taking care of my family. I’m not the type who likes to depend on my hubby to be the main bread winner. I’m highly capable of doing things on my own.

So I’ll leave you with these words of wisdom from Mr. Webbie himself:

**CUE THE MUSIC**

I – N – D – E – P – E – N – D – E – N – T do you know what that mean!?” 



xo,
sss

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Doubtfully Failing


Failing.

Not something anyone enjoys or likes to admit to.

When you’re a parent you feel that when your kids fail, you fail. Why? Because you feel that as a parent it’s your job to teach them. You help mold them into who they will be.

So when you’re someone’s significant other and you feel like you’re failing, who do you blame?

There are times where I feel like I’m not enough (here we go again… I sound like a broken record). When we actually do go out, kid(s) in tow or not, and we’re having a good time with all his friends who don’t have kid(s) yet or left them with a sitter, I see his smile, but with his eyes (hopefully I didn’t lose you there). It’s the kind of happy or excitement that shines through – just not in smile form. To me, it’s a more sincere form of “happy” I guess. Well when I see that I can’t help but smile. It’s contagious.

-BUT-

Yes… I’m a Debbie Downer.

But when I see that joy in his eyes, I know in a matter of seconds it’ll disappear. Why? Well because the realization sits in that we can’t always partake in whatever activity it is we’re invited to. We can go out to dinner, but we can’t go to the bar next door because we brought the kid(s). We can’t party all night and crash at our friend’s house because we have the responsibility as Parents to make sure we can safely drive home & be able to wake up if the newbie wakes up. So that contagious joy evaporates ever so quickly.

That’s when it hits me.

Does he regret anything? Did he wish we would have waited? Was he ready for all of this? What if one day he wakes up and decides this isn’t what he wanted?

As for me, I’ve been doing this for 8 years already. I know I couldn’t always go out and party or do whatever the hell it is you’re “supposed” to do when you’re finally old enough to do shit. I had to grow up really fast at a young age. Did it suck? Yes at times it did. I was always stoked for my 18th birthday because that meant I could hit up the clubs like my older siblings did. Well guess what? That excitement perished because when I finally turned 18, I already had my precious 1 year old. But he changed me for the better – I was such a little c*nt.

There are plenty of things that run through my mind (as seen above). A lot of times, I feel like I’m holding him back. When he shares stories about what he used to do back home or what he did when he was with his friends, in a way I feel like it’s what he still wants. It would make sense, we’re both still young – he’s 23 and I’m 25. Yes I can see the excitement in his eyes, but I can always see the longing.

Maybe I’m seeing things.

He had different plans in mind when he joined the USMC and I walked in and f*cked shit up. Am I standing in the way? I don’t want it to get to the point that he starts to resent me for some of the choices he has/had to make.

You can save the reassurances. I’m just clearing some space in my head for future blogging material :p So I think that’s enough sharing for the day, or until the next time I post lol


xo,
sss

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Recipe of the Week: Crockpot/Stovetop Pepperjack Pasta Sauce


WHOOP WHOOP!

It’s that scrumptious time again (:

This says it’s a crockpot recipe, but being I’m very impatient and just so happened to be super hungry that day and forgot to take any meat out to thaw; I cooked all this on the stove.

Crockpot (or Stove top) Pepperjack Pasta Sauce 

Ingredients: 
- Pam spray (for my crockpot users)
- 1 LARGE can of Tomato Soup
- 1 LARGE can of Diced Tomatoes
- 1.5 CUPS of Milk
- 8 OZ. Pepperjack shredded cheese (I couldn’t find any, so I bought a block of the cheese & used a cheese grater to shred it)
- 4 OZ. Cream Cheese [cubed]
- 1 TSP. of Sugar
- 1 TSP. of Paprika
- 1 TSP. Basil
- ¼ TSP. Garlic Powder
- 2 dashes of Tabasco Sauce (I used Tapatio. Note to self: use more than 2 dashes next time because I like more of a kick)

If you’re using your crockpot: 
1. Spray crockpot with Pam
2. Add all the ingredients into the crockpot and stir.
3. Cook on HIGH for 3-3.5 hours, stirring occasionally

If you’re cooking on the stove: 
1. Pour all the ingredients into a pot
2. Cook on medium heat until it boils, stirring occasionally (unfortunately, I forgot how long I cooked it, but it wasn’t for 3 hours lol)

Once I finished all that good stuff, I poured it onto some nice spirally pasta aka rotini.

You can find the original recipe here: http://thefrugalgirls.com/2014/04/crockpot-pepper-jack-tomato-pasta-sauce-recipe.html or via my Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/sssteele/recipes-ive-used/. Like usual, I added my tweaks and comments. I hope you enjoy!


xo,
sss