Thursday, June 22, 2017

I'm Not Ready

Good morning world.

I have a little over five weeks before my life changes for a while.  To say that I am 'nervous' would be an understatement.

I am terrified, sad, scared, etc. [you catch my drift]

I know this was bound to happen, but that was never going to change my feelings about it; it still sucks and I still wish he doesn't have to go.

It's all I think about.  I could be spending my time concerned that some of my family are upset with me and have unfriended me, but that isn't a priority [you all know how big I am on priorities].  Apparently, I'm only "allowed" to rant about things non-family related, otherwise I'm not allowed to have an opinion [insert eye roll].  So if you're one of those people who read my blog strictly to run back to my family and bitch about me and/or roll your eyes at my commentary, go ahead and click the 'X' in the top right corner - your count on my Page Views isn't needed.

*For future reference to anyone associated with me and not saying this was the intention recently, but un-following me on any social media platform or not speaking to me is not a jab at me.  Period.

Anyways, as the time is quickly approaching I feel like we're trying to smoosh anything and everything possible into the time we have left together.  This past weekend we went to Medieval Times.  I was on the fence about it, but we actually had such a good time!  So if you've been debating about going - go.  We had the VIP Royal Package, sat in the second row, and the food was delicious!  I fell in love with the baked potato and corn on the cob that they served - whatever seasoning they used, I WANT!  Oh yea, and the show was good too!  I could tell the kids got a kick out of it; they wouldn't stop waving their flags and throwing their fists in the air.  We also went to the SD County Fair for the first time.  As soon as we arrived and were on the verge of passing through the security scanners, the front tire on our jogging stroller went flat.  Surprisingly, the employees were extremely helpful and hooked us up with a tire pump.  I got my cotton candy fix, while we played games and rode plenty of the rides.  Both of my kiddos got lucky and each won a fish [unfortunately, one barely made it through the night and died early the next morning].  I guess we were having such a blast because we were there for hours!  When Sunday rolled around we surprised my Husband with goodies and then treated him to breakfast to celebrate Father's Day.  We finished the day with some fun at the pool and grilling out.  It was a lovely family-filled weekend and I loved every minute of it.

Like I said, I can't help but think about it.  I constantly catch myself thinking of the day he has to leave and my eyes instantly well-up.  I'm not ready.  Who is ever 'ready' to tell their loved one "I'll see ya later, I'll see you sometime next year!"...  No one.  If they tell you any different, they're lying.  We attended a pre-deployment brief and though it was informative, it didn't calm my nerves.  We were told that we need to keep in mind that our spouse's are leaving for a combat deployment.  If anything, it made my nerves skyrocket.  I keep thinking about how am I going to sleep at night and he's not there for me to put my foot or butt against, or bark at me to please turn off the TV because it's distracting, or hear him groan about having to get up early, or make fun of me for not properly opening a box/bag, or come home with my favorite bag of chips/candy bar, or grunt at me for not refilling the ice container - again...

I sound selfish, thinking about how it's all going to affect me, but this is MY time to be selfish.  I have to share him everyday and I rarely get him all to myself.  For awhile I was even debating about if I should or shouldn't throw him a going away party; a lot of my friends (who have experienced this once or too many times) told me I shouldn't feel obligated to and just focus on us.  But me, being the horrible bitch that I am, decided to throw one anyways so everyone else can share their farewells.  I figured he/we will be busy the last few weeks before he goes and there's no reason for us to travel elsewhere to accommodate everyone else - plus he won't be able to travel out of town the closer his departure is.  In a sense, I'm excited because I'm throwing the party while some of my family will be here visiting!  I'll have some familiarity and a piece of home here for a while.  I've missed them/home and it'll be a relief to be around family again.  I realized the downside is I'll have to tell them bye and then about a week later I have to say bye to my Husband too. I'm not ready.

I want to hug him longer, kiss him harder, dance with him more often, and just never let go.

I may not be ready, but I can do it.  It'll be hard, but I'll manage.  Not to toot my own horn or imply it was anything close to easy, but I was a single mom for a while.  So for all you naysayers who think I can't hang and think I'm ridiculous for wanting him to stay in the military, you have no idea what I can handle.


Saturday, June 10, 2017

Wedding Day Bliss - Strike Two

Hiii everyone!

Since this year has been full of weddings, I thought it would be fitting to do a little... Review? Like I had for my brother's wedding.

Where do I begin?

For starters if you had missed it, this was the bridal party I was originally asked to be apart of, but had backed out months before due to personal reasons.

Not to sound like Captain Obvious, but we can all assume that wedding planning is stressful. We all want our special day to be damn near perfect, but there's always some kind of chaos behind the scenes. The only problem is sometimes all of that results in zero communication - which I highly dislike.

We drove up on Thursday once our Little Big Man got out of school. Which by the way was his LAST day as a fifth grader! Where has time gone?! It was a short day for him and my Husband was on leave, but we took our time making the drive up being we had other things to do beforehand. Since we left late, plus it was the last day of school for a lot kids, and all the graduations, it took us FIVE hours compared to the usual three to get there! We had assumed that since the rehearsal was at 5pm with the dinner to follow at 6pm, that it would all be done and over with by the time we finally made it there. Wrong. We arrived at my in-law's house to find it vacant. So instead of sitting around and waiting, we were starving so we decided to grab a bite. Did I mention it was graduation day? There was more traffic and a lot of restaurants were super busy. So we had to settle for In-N-Out :/ Only to find out once we returned to the house that even though the rehearsal dinner was strictly "bridal party only" the three of us were also included in the count... Which myself and my Husband didn't know.

Earlier in the week I found out that my Husband had to ditch us for pre-wedding photos/videos prior to the ceremony. We - yes, WE because he didn't like the idea either - were under the impression that the session was only for a couple hours, but instead it was from that morning up until the wedding. Which meant... The boys and I were to be left at the house. Since I didn't want to get dragged into doing anything being I was going as a guest, I figured I'd make plans with my cousin-in-law's fiancé. Thankfully I did. Because while we were all sitting around catching up my IL's shared that when my Husband was to leave, so was my MIL, as well as my FIL... So if I had not made those plans we would have been ditched at the house all by ourselves.

At this point I'm even more irritated - a feeling I've grown all too familiar with when it comes to making plans with everyone. Although my boys and I weren't apart of the wedding, it sure was a big ass deal that at one point in time I wasn't sure if I/the boys would even be in the state to attend. So of course, we were kept out of the loop and ignored for a majority of the time we were there. Which was great [insert eye roll] and only contributed to my initial irritability of us dropping about $500 to attend this shindig in the first place. That's a lot of money to spend on one day for a couple who's already been married for a year or two...

I packed up the car and ran errands with my cousin to occupy ourselves until it was game time. Sometimes I can be a bit of a procrastinator so we were running a little late, but thankfully we made it on time. If it wasn't my procrastination, it was the fact that I had to run to/from the parking meter to pay to park... Since I wasn't sure where we were 'supposed' to sit and the venue happened to be in an open park, the boys and I just stood off to the side. Minus the loud cars driving by and the random people sitting on the benches, it was a cute little spot and the weather was perfect for the day.

Afterwards, it was announced (several) times that we all needed to leave and make our way to the reception down the road. Since there was zero communication, out of pure luck we got to take a family photo with the bride and groom. If I would have left like I was on the verge of doing so, they would of had to skip our family photo like they did to others who left in a hurry as directed.

So we made our way down the street to the reception only to discover that we had to pay for parking AGAIN. We ended up almost make a full circle around the building until we finally figured out where the entrance was. It turns out there was assigned seating and I'm so glad I was seated with my cousin. I don't know why, but for some reason I was under the impression there wouldn't be assigned seating. So we were nicely tucked away in the corner. The centerpieces were pretty, with birdcages and little flowers(?). I was getting a tad restless being I was still sick and of all days, my Toddler decided that this was the day to be whiny/antsy, or it could have been the fact that we had been sitting there, waiting for almost TWO hours for the bridal party to arrive... I'm guessing more pictures were needed or from the snaps I saw more pre-gaming needed to be done.

So at this point we're all bored out of our minds and could only eat so much salsa/chips, plus the kids were getting fussier by the hour. I wasn't feeling it at all anymore and it didn't help that I had to deal with it all on my own - but hey, what's new - so I decided we wouldn't stay very long. After all the extra-ness of their entrance we could finally eat. The food was crap, or at least that's what it made my Husband do; so instead we stuck to the fruit and salad as a precaution.

It was getting later and around the time I needed to re-pay the parking meter, when I noticed that the bride and groom were making their rounds to all the tables. So we waited thinking it was almost our turn, when instead we - my cousin and I - were given the cold shoulder. I don't believe in coincidences so I figured that was my cue to go. So we gathered up our things and the kids, then dipped. We didn't get a 'thank you for coming' and my kids were pretty much ignored for the most part since their grandparents were tending to their cousins.

We had originally planned to stay through Sunday like we normally do, but we opted to leave a day early because I had asked to. In my defense, my Husband had brought it up months ago that he wanted to leave on Saturday instead of on Sunday to spend as much time as possible with us being he's deploying. Well his charming self totally forgot he had said that and changed it back to Sunday. But after being snuffed and wasting our time/money I figured it was best to come home.

It doesn't help that once again this type of stuff has caused another rift between my Husband and I. It was a long/quiet ride home. I thought and still do that family is everything. I myself have a very close family, but I don't let my family delegate how everything plays out in MY life. My little family's happiness takes precedence and is my first priority, which I believe should be how we both look at it. Anyways, I think it's safe to say that any future trips that come up, he'll be making those solo to save the drama. I'll just leave it at that.

I didn't even get a picture of my outfit - the one I bought months ago just for this damn occasion.  I did score some pics with some super cute kids though.



On the plus side, this morning I got to nab one of the left over donuts since I didn't get a chance to last night. It was okay :/

***Edit:  Not that I need to explain myself, but I'm trying to assist you in getting the facts straight.  For the record, I don't want this to get misinterpreted that I thought this day was about ME.  I'm only sharing that in the past someone sure made such a huge fuss about the fact that at one point we weren't sure that the three of us could even be there.  So you would think that if it really meant a lot - like it was said - there would have been more effort to keep the "only" SIL and nephews in the loop rather than do everything in their power to exclude us.  So it makes me question how sincere any of that was.  On top of that all the money, not even including the gas to make the trip, etc. we spent to be a part of it all.  The money complaint was directed at my Husband.  When we go out to eat, give or take once or twice in a week, he sometimes complains about the money we've spent.  Yet when we're around his family and/or friends he'll drop money with no issue.  I didn't and still stand by that I was not putting down the "efforts" my in-laws put into the wedding itself.  If you actually thoroughly read my blog post I did compliment some of the efforts that I found were nice or pretty.  As always my posts are MY views/opinions that not everyone or anyone will agree with.  This is MY commentary and MY outlet.  I'm not going to shut up and ignore the fact that my kids and myself were mistreated.  The cold shoulder was BLATANT whether anyone wants to admit it.  I also found it interesting that after shared (with my Husband and on my post) that we were given the cold shoulder, my cousin got an apology right away...  No sweat because I'm not asking nor expecting one.  Which goes both ways - I'm not apologizing for anything being I didn't do anything but share what happened to us.  But for someone to go out of their way and apologize to only one of the two that were ignored when it was shared it was done to the BOTH of us sure says something, and I feel it feeds into my theory that most of what happened was intentional.