Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Emotion Roller Coaster

Hello all of you beautiful people.

My has it been a rollercoaster ride mixed with a pinch of talent of walking on egg shells.


So we have about 2 weeks left here in lovely NC.  If you must know, YES I'm still sad and not excited about it all [you'll be stuck reading this in a lot of my future posts for a while - beware].  I'm beginning to feel more nervous as time continues to slip away.  I feel a little more relieved each time we cross off stuff from our agenda.  We went to our last USMC ball which was short/sweet because the Husband was so uncomfortable in his dress blues and we had children to pickup.  Our final house inspection went well; we ended up not having to pay anything other than prorated rent for two days.  We finally got some exciting news that we actually have a place WAITING for us for when we get there - talk about a weight being lifted OH MY GAWD!  I didn't like the idea that we were stuck on a waiting list and had such a big time frame as to when we "might" get off of it.  There is one thing that flagged my nerve - there's NO A/C in any of the houses over there.  Now I don't know about you, but I happen to like having OPTIONS.  Yea, yea, yea...  So we'll be near the beach - I don't care, you don't know my temperature preferences!  Another exciting event on our Agenda is we decided to celebrate my Little Big Man's birthday one last time here, surrounded by family and friends.  Surprisingly with both of us being procrastinators at times, we've already reserved his birthday location.  Now I just have to make sure I order a cake on time [one year I almost forgot lol]. 

For the time being we're staying with my Parents until it's time to hit the road.  My, oh my, has it been interesting.  It's like all of the timers on everyone's ticking time bombs are about to go off.  It's like that pimple on your face that's on the verge of popping, that nut you're about to catch, or that fart that's been bubbling in your gut getting ready to say hello from your backside...  It's happening.  We're a big ass family with a bunch of different personalities that don't always play well together.  I don't know if they're all supposed to go off before Christmas, on Christmas, or what, but I can sense the tension in the air.  I think it's because we've been cooped up together more than what we're used to and we've quickly reached our quota.  I know we're all trying to adjust to living together and trying to not step on anyone's toes, BUT - have you met my Mom?  She has a lot of different rules/regulations/stipulations/guidelines/laws...  [I think you get it]  So I've TRIED to clean up after my little squad; which that task is a toughie when you have a toddler and two boys [my Husband acts just like my Little Big Man].  However, my Parents have been VERY accommodating!  My Dad has been extremely helpful (like always!) with my Little Big Man; making sure he's up for school, dropping off/picking him up from school, fixing him breakfast - this is like HEAVEN for him both of them right now.  My Dad has a tendency to spoil the shit out of these grandchildren ["it's their job" yeeea shut it].


I'm still this big ball of emotions and it's so annoying.  A lot of times I have to hurry and think of a different topic so I don't randomly start balling my eyes out.  I can tell that all of us are a tad A LOT bit stressed.  The snappiness game is too strong right now.  Everyone handles their emotions differently.  You have the ones who are just straight up sensitive.  Then you have the ones who will say what's on their mind [why heyyyro].  Then you have the ones who seem like they stay mad.  One person, from what I've observed, will not let me catch a break - ever.  I can be on my best behavior and think I'm doing a bomb ass job, but then get served with a pink slip that reads "swerve".  You would think by now I'd be used to it, but yet I still have yet to understand it.  A lot of times I feel like that because I'm so outspoken and tend to be the "rebellious" child that that's somehow cause for resentment or maybe that has given me a life time access VIP Pass to being labeled as the guilty party.  You can place me in a room full of people and somehow my name will be dropped into the mix; I could even be asleep in that room full of people and I'd still be blamed for murder.  I will never understand it.  There are plenty of times where there's been some big family blowout and afterwards I've pondered what the hell did I do that there's always that hostility towards me.  I wouldn't say it's hate for me, but a lot of times I feel like the scale is definitely heavier on that side.  I would say it's because of us moving away, but it's always been this way.


Here's a funny [not really], short story I thought I'd share to lighten up the mood [kinda]:  We have both of our cars *PAID OFF* [say word], but we can only be reimbursed for one.  So our other option is to ship one of our cars.  The other day my Husband mentions he thinks we should look into a bigger car to make our trip easier; that way we wouldn't have to worry about shipping one, we can ride more comfortably, more room for our shit, etc...  It was like music to my ears because when I was still employed I had been begging for a bigger car.  So one day we peeped several car dealerships in the area to see what our options were [I seriously felt like a little kid at a candy store].  He kept reminding me that we were just LOOKING and that we're not going to be impulsive [hi, my name is Stephanie and I am an impulsive shopper].  So can someone please explain to me why NOW we are NOT getting a bigger car!?!?!?  Apparently, I misunderstood him.  He said he meant he was only looking into it incase we wanted a new car a couple years from now...  So maybe I've lost my damn mind or something, but I don't know what that had to do with making our move easier...  Now I know what puppies children [same thing right? jk] feel like when you tease them with treats.  So please remind me to never get excited over anything when he says it; k thanks.

I can't believe Christmas is TWO DAYS AWAY!!!  [being it's now past midnight and I'm still editing]  I'm starting to feel pretty hyped about Christmas though [despite being jipped on a new ride lol].  I bought candy canes because what's Christmas without any!?  I even discovered Mint Chocolate candy canes...  They are so delicious!  I've already heard the best Christmas song "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" by 'N*SYNC -- "I'ma let you finish, but 'N*SYNC had one of the best Christmas songs of all time!" [in my Kanye West voice lol].  In all seriousness, this is my favorite time of year.  I love the music, the decorations, the "togetherness" or the idea of, and shopping [helluuuuur sales!]...  Okay, and presents [duh we all do].  Anyways, I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and hopefully I can post before we drive cross country!


Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!
xo, sss

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

North Carolina

Good afternoon!

If you don't know, now you know - we are moving to California.

I've been telling myself that I was going to type another post, but from packing, cleaning, organizing, soccer, and the ball...  My mind has been in overdrive.

It was inevitable.  Am I happy?  No.  Am I excited?  No.  Am I mad?  No.  I'm sad, stressed, frustrated, scared...  I'll stop there.

If you've been following along with my journey then you've read how much I've whined and bitched about leaving here, home.  I wasn't born here, but this is where I've grown up; for 14 years to be exact.  My whole family is here.  It'll take some getting used to not having them just 20-30 minutes away.  I don't have a lot of friends, but I do have a few that I consider my best.

I am tired of hearing people telling me "you'll be alright" or "you'll be fine"...  You get it.  I'm sure it's just hopeful thinking.  Please don't tell me how I'm going to feel.  I don't know how many times I have to say it, but everyone has DIFFERENT experiences!  Your experience could have been a breeze whereas someone else's could have been fifty shades of f*cked up [and not the fun fifty shades either]. 

I have lists on lists on lists.  I've gone through all of our belongings and came to the conclusion I'm a borderline hoarder.  So I boxed up all my "what if" clothes and all the shoes that no longer belong in my wardrobe and dropped it off at the Salvation Army.  I called the school to find out how to un-enroll my Little Big Man.  I have yet to take pictures of all our valuable valuables and note all of their serial numbers...  With only 2 days left to do so [helluuur procrastination].   

This is a BIG deal for us.  It's our FIRST BIG move!

I think part of what stresses me out is the fact that we don't even have a house.  We're on a waiting list that supposedly is a 3-5 month wait.  It doesn't help that I keep hearing DIFFERENT experiences, like one family who's been stuck in a hotel/lodge for 6 months STILL waiting on a house.  My family had to do that before when my Dad got orders to Guam.  We were cooped up in a hotel for a looong time.

I find it ironic how different it feels being a spouse versus being a dependent child.  Growing up it sucked having to make friends and move to new schools a lot, but I rolled with the punches.  It was never hard making friends; more nerve wracking.  Now that I'm a spouse I feel like I'm losing my damn mind.  I'm worried about my Little Big Man moving in the middle of the school year and pretty much starting over.  I think he'll be fine in the friend department; although, he can be very shy.  I'm more worried about his school work.  I don't want to be one of those parents who just assume their kid(s) will get over it and just have to deal.  I'm just lucky that I'm not working at the moment so I can be there for him if/when he needs it.

I know our town has little to none of super fun things to do, but it's my comfort zone.  So to distract myself, I figure I can shed some light on some of the things (though few) that I've experienced here that I happen to enjoy.

1.  Southern hospitality.  Everywhere you go there will be assholes.  I actually grew to enjoy the quick greetings from complete strangers.  Which reminds me of when I first moved here.  I wasn't used to random people greeting me or even asking me how I was doing.  My go-to reaction was usually "I don't know you...  Why the hell are you speaking to me..."  I was usually nice enough to only THINK that and not say it out loud. 

2.  Bojangles.  I don't even know what KFC is anymore.  They have this amazing...  I guess breakfast/dessert - Bo Berry Biscuit.  I'm not a big fan of their sweet tea, but my Little Big Man LOVES it.

3.  Cape Lookout Lighthouse.  It was so pretty.  We took a ferry ride to get to the little island (?) and on the way we got to see wild horses.  Once we got to the island we got to tour the house and lighthouse.  Those stairs were no joke!

4.  Beach.  The beaches aren't what I was used to while living on the West Coast, but who doesn't like the beach???  The water here is a lot warmer than the Pacific Ocean.

5.  MacDaddy's.  It's similar to a Dave & Buster's.  There's food, an arcade for the smaller kids and another one for the older kids, a bar, and bowling. 

6.  My family took a trip to ride the train.  It was a fun experience for all of us.  At certain times of the year they have even have Thomas the Train that you can actually ride.

7.  MCAS Cherry Point.  I may be a little bias...  But that's how I met my Love :)

So for the time being we're moving out of base housing and moving in with my parents until it's time to hit the road.  I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.  It's like YAY! We'll be surrounded by family more before we go, but will make it even harder to leave and say our goodbyes.  This will be our last Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, and my Little Big Man's birthday that we celebrate together and I want to make the most of it.


Monday, November 2, 2015

Turn Back Time

Good morning afternoon [paused for mommy duties] my lovely readers!

For some odd reason, something last night triggered me to blog about... my past.  I know that doesn't sound like anything good and I don't owe anyone an explanation for my past, but I figure I can clear the air and enlighten you.  I don't know if it's because my family and I are getting ready to begin a NEW chapter in our life, but here goes nothing.

A long time ago I thought I was with the 'right' guy at the tender age of 17; The One, so to speak.  I had my oldest at the age of 16 and finally scored the guy that I had been chasing for what felt like forever [bad move, you shouldn't chase any man].  Honestly, I can't believe I was so stupid.  I think everyone goes through that phase where they think they've FINALLY found their person; as if that's what we search for our entire lives.  At the time it felt right.  I felt like I finally found someone I could be comfortable with.  However, I got too comfortable.  I was engaged at the age of 18.  Yea, yea...  Some might say that was too young to be taking that step; I still lived at home with my Parents and I was still finishing high school.  He pretty much moved in with my Parents too. 

Do you remember the part where I said I was so stupid...?

There were warning signs from the get-go!  We were so trusting of each other that we shared each other's MySpace passwords [haha the myspace days].  Maybe we weren't that trusting...  We both always checked each other's inbox, sent, and trash folders [crazy, I know] like we were already looking for something wrong to happen.  Shockingly, one day I did find something.  I was doing my regular snooping [okay, more like psycho] and discovered a message in his Trash folder [he forgot to empty the evidence].  It was a message to a "family friend" who had a cousin (female) in one of his classes.  He was running his mouth about how attractive she was and to let her know, etc.  That was a little odd being he had a fiancĂ©...  However, I huffed and I puffed, then he apologized and that was the end of it.  I didn't tell anyone.  I didn't want to put him out there in a negative light; although that never went both ways. 

There was no excuse for what I did.  Fast forward another year and I ended up cheating on him.  Obviously our engagement was off.  At the time we were living in a small duplex together (our first place).  He kicked me out and dragged my name through the mud.  My "friends" at the time shared any of my dirty little secrets and aired my dirty laundry like it was nothing.  One of them was his younger brother's ex-girlfriend {Brittany}.  We were pretty close, but she figured the way back to his heart was to tell on me.  I can't forget about the ones that I worked with at the time who fed him any gossip they could think of; one of them even slept with him {Amber}.  I screwed up, BAD.  I ended up moving back in with my Parents (the first of many moves back and forth).

As time went on, it got worse.  When we'd break up he would drink and stalk me.  One of the times was so bad; he snatched my purse (car keys/cellphone inside) because I thought it wasn't a good idea for us to stay with him that night.  While wrestling for my purse back I got clocked in the jaw during the struggle, so my Little Big Man entered the room from hearing all the ruckus which resulted in him kicking us out of the house and him throwing my belongings out onto the yard.  He was so angry he even punched my car window as I prepared to drive away.  Another incident was so bad that it resulted in him getting arrested.  There used to be a night club everyone would frequent.  Since I worked on base I was always surrounded by men, which a handful were my friends; he never liked it.  One night after binge drinking he hopped into his car and drove to the club because he knew I was there.  Once he got inside he continued to drink and followed us around this small club and at one point even attempted to fight me; which resulted in him being kicked out.  The aftermath concluded with him being arrested. 

After that there wasn't much to rekindle.  Any time we got back together, it was for a shorter period of time.  He would always tell me that his boys were always looking out for him; as if threatening/warning me to behave/watch myself.  I was called any name you could think of.  He even convinced some of our mutual friends that I had made shit up and always referenced the time I cheated on him.  They would totally ignore the fact that he was the one losing his shit.  Everything was just so out of control - from simple break ups to screaming/yelling at each other to him getting physical with me (which he would deny).  We were just toxic for each other.  I even felt bad for him after everything and would take him out for dinner.  He later told me that his Parents "kind of" blamed me for what had happened to him; way to teach him not to accept responsibility for HIS actions.

We had continued this ridiculousness on/off for about 6 years.  Horrible idea.  There was the constant moving back/forth and the fact that my poor Little Big Man had to endure all of this drama too.  It was my biggest mistake as a Mom.  I kept thinking we could work things out and be a happy little family.  I should have looked at the bigger picture and put a stop to it all a lot sooner. 

Thankfully, I met my now Husband.  It was scary at first; he treated me so differently - like a gentleman should.  My Little Big Man took a liking to him so fast.  I'm pretty sure that's why I fell head over heels for him.  He didn't (and still doesn't) act possessive over me or ever try to manipulate me.  He knows of my past and it never changed his opinion of me.  He was a breath of fresh air and  I felt a different type of happiness with him. 

The best part: We found each other when neither of us was looking.

I guess my point is don't let your past stop you from moving on.  In my past relationship we both did a lot of screwing up.  It should have ended the moment I found that message.  It would have saved a lot of tears/money, etc.  I don't let my past define who I am; I was young and dumb.  I learned from my mistakes and took that relationship as a Lesson Learned.  I know that there's no point in looking back because you can't change anything.  So my words of advice are save yourself the heartache and MOVE FORWARD; you never know what possibilities can come your way.

Happy Monday!


Friday, October 2, 2015


Hi errrbody!

According to my Instagram/Facebook - my hair is PURPLE ish pink (:

As you may have noticed, I get bored rather QUICKLY when it comes to my hair color.  My natural hair color is dark brown.  I've had light brown, ombre, black, Ariel/Mermaid red *my favorite*, and now this odd shade of purple that I concocted. 

I used Manic Panic: Ultra Violet and Manic Panic: Hot Hot Pink.  I mixed it to the color I desired and covered all the blonde in my hair.  It came out to a dark brown/purple/pink ombre.  I liked it a lot; I felt like it resembled a dark enchanted forest [hahahaa].

23-Sep-2015, the day after I dyed it
One problem - it began to fade after ONE week!  [what. in. thee. fuck.]  It's now some ugly squid purple.
So before the questions start rolling in, YES I use cold ass water to wash my hair [it's a pain in the ass] and NO I do not wash it errrrday [ew, helluuur dry shampoo hee hee].  My problem is since I am currently still following a workout plan, I do need to wash my hair more often than I want to; sweaty hair isn't very attractive.

So yesterday I decided to apply another purple/pink concoction on my entire head.  I'm aware the dark parts of my hair will not be as purple as my ends,but I'm ok with that. 
Anyways, now you can take a glance at my lovely adventure of coloring my hair - again. **P.S. I AM NOT A LICENSED COSMEOTOLOGIST, I DO THIS AT MY OWN RISK**

First - Put on gloves or your hands will look like Crayola just gangbanged it
Second - Get out your color(s)
Third - Mix your color(s) to the desired shade

I kinda, sorta forgot to snap a pic of my lovely updo prior to covering it, so obviously that step is missing.  So right now you'll just have to use your imagination and picture a messy/nappy mess with tons of silver clips holding it all in place on top of my head :)

Fifth - Since I didn't have a clear/plastic cap to cover my head, I improvised & used a Walmart bag [a girls gotta do, what a girls gotta do lol]

And drumroll please...



I made the mistake of applying the color TOO close to my scalp, more like ON my scalp - hence the staining.  However, I am so happy with the outcome!  This time it's more on the purple side, but that was the point. 

Funny note, so shortly after my hair had finally air dried we had to go to the grocery store; there's supposed to be a hurricane [Joaquin] and we still needed food regardless.  Anywho - while shopping I kept noticing people stare at me.  My initial reaction is "what the fuck are you looking at!?"  [staring is rude, I can't help it]  I don't actually SAY it out loud [most of the time].  Then I realized my hair is this bright ass purple so no duh people are staring.  My favorite reactions are when little girls see my hair and get all excited.  An older lady shared with me that the two little girls that were shopping with her, her granddaughters I assume, LOVED my hair and I just thought it was so cute. 

I'm getting closer and closer to becoming a mermaid, I have the bright hair and my thighs touch all the time ;p


Wednesday, September 16, 2015

You Can Do It

At least that's what I keep telling myself.  Thank God for coffee - I'm not joking, it's my Pre-Workout.

Good morning everyone!

As I stated in my last blog post I have begun my fitness journey.  Guess what!?  I STILL hate it.

I've already heard "you don't need to workout, you're already skinny"...  No, just staaahp.  Like every other female on this damn planet I am my own worst critic.  I see what I don't like about myself and that's what matters to me.  I don't care if anyone thinks I'm skinny or I'm fat.  I'm worried about what *I* see and what *I* don't like.

I am working out because I want to be skinny.  I know it's recommended to work out to be -fit- & -healthier-, but at the moment I'm thinking SKINNY.  In my opinion I think that's where most people start.  You see yourself in the mirror and dread seeing your reflection; at least that's how it is for me.  I think a lot of fitness journeys begin at the thought of wanting to be skinny, but once you've got that routine down it's all about being more fit and being healthier and nothing is wrong with that.

I, however, am still trying to find the motivation.

In the past, when Monday came back around I was dreading it because I knew what the day entailed - work, cooking, cleaning, soccer practices, softball games, etc.  Now when Monday pops back up I dread it because I know I have to do - my daily workout. 

I'm doing it [and doing it, and doing it well - oh why helluuur LL].

I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and think "DAMN I look fiiiiiiine!"...  I don't want to feel like I need to hide from my Husband when I'm changing or feel the urge to turn off the lights when we're bumping uglies so he doesn't see me [bwahaha] or feeling excited about rockin' a bikini and not feeling like I have to cross my hands across my stomach to hide it.  Yes, I have done all of the above.  I want to feel good about myself when I see me naked [way to sound vain].  Of course I decided to be all hot & skinny when Fall hits...  aka Sweater Weather...

Although, I will admit I am proud of how far I have come.

There have been mornings where I felt like puking while working out, but I pushed through it.  There are even times where I feel like it is impossible to accomplish some of the exercises, but I do it.  When I began my fitness journey I couldn't even plank for more than 30 seconds; you're supposed to hold it until you fail.  Today I did it for 1 minute, every single time.  Not only that, but I beat my 2 week quitting stage.  I'm already on Phase 2, week 3

I'm not at that stage where it becomes "addicting" - I don't foresee that ever happening, but I won't say it will "never" happen. 

I have my good and bad days.  I've already contemplated quitting because I don't feel skinnier and I don't see any changes, but I am definitely feeling SORE.  I'm still hoping for quick results [I can dream, right?]  So if you are thinking about getting fit or aren't as motivated - DO it; just get up an do it. 


Monday, September 7, 2015

Hello, Stay At Home Mom

Good morning beautiful people!

So September 1st, 2015 marked the start of a new era for me.

I am officially a Stay At Home Mom.  I don't want to say it's my new "job" because it's not a job - I'm just being a Mom.

So for all you asses who assume that title means:
  • Sleeping all day
  • Binge watching Netflix [what I honestly was hoping]
  • Snackage all day
  • Pampering myself
  • Meeting up with girlfriends doing nothing
  • Blowing through money

You are WRONG.

My schedule may differ from some of you.  My plan is to have my Newbie to have a schedule similar to what he had when he was still enrolled in daycare.  So I still get up early in the morning and make sure my Little Big Man is up and getting ready for school.  Then when it's time the three of us take a nice short walk down the street to walk my Little Big Man to school, BUT not before I make my pre-workout - COFFEE.  Once the two us return home I make him breakfast and turn on one of his shows.  I should add that I've become a big fan of Curious George.  I'm also going to add "expert in singing and reenacting children show's songs/dances" to my resume; Little Einsteins, Special Agent Oso, and Chuggington are how we roll.  Once he's done with breakfast I get him situated and then I do my  NEW daily 30-minute workout.

***Yup, I now workout.  I'm assuming my Husband became tired of hearing me bitch about how gross I feel/look.  So for once he took the initiative and purchased a workout plan for me from HIITMAX.  I'm still debating if I should feel insulted or thankful...  [we'll get back to that I'm sure].  If you know me then you know how much I despise working out!  I don't enjoy the whole feeling sore shit - it's a sign that you're either making progress or doing it incorrectly... yay?  Did I mention how much I hate working out???  I normally quit within 2 weeks.  I'm a fan of QUICK results...  Which with working out it takes patience aaaaand results take more than 2 weeks to make a debut.  Today I've began Week 2 of Phase 1 :)

Anyways - Once I'm done with my workout and get all  nice and squeaky clean [sweat is not my thing either] I make us lunch.  Which I didn't realize it would be such a pain to mix up lunch so there's a variety.  After lunch I lay him down for a nap.  Which has been a lot easier than I expected!  When he was still in daycare he would sleep from 1.5-2 hours without any problems.  Whereas at home on the weekends when we would try to get him to nap he would fight with us and maybe sleep for 30 minutes.  I've made it a habit to do a relaxing/quiet activity prior to putting him down for his nap.  He LOVES reading; the total opposite of his big brother [he can't stand reading].  This is where my "ME" time kicks in.  I can either: a) nap, b) clean up, c) finally watch one of my shows.  I end up trying to accomplish all 3 options.  He sleeps for about 2 hours and then we get ready to pickup my Little Big Man from school.  Once he's home it's homework time!  And we can't forget planning dinner.  I've gotten better at making dinner EARLIER so we're not eating at 7PM.  So if you just repeat that every week and mix in soccer practice twice a week then you'll have an idea of my schedule. 

I don't think it means being a SAHM is harder.  Shit, I used to have to do all of this while I worked full time.  But I do have a better understanding though, it's not any easier.  However, I can actually say that I love my "job".

Welcome to a day in the life of lil 'ole me.


Monday, August 31, 2015

Last Day As A Working Mom

Good morning!

Today is the day - My countdown has reached 0

I'm excited, but it's still bittersweet.

I know what you're probably thinking, "well you were already contemplating about becoming a stay at home mom"...  EXACTLY.  I was only contemplating the decision, but that decision was made for me.  There were good days and there were bad days, just like any other job.  Over the course of 7 years some of my co-workers grew to be people I consider friends; I even found a couple that I consider my best. 

It'll be different waking up and not having to rush through the house to get all pretty for my day ahead.  It'll be different not having lunch plans almost EVERY day with the girls [planning beginning at 0900 lol].  It'll be different not being spoiled with Dunkin Donuts coffee when the time permits.  It'll be different not whispering through our cubicle (hand-made) window about the assholes in the office.

I will not miss dealing with the people who lied and got away with it.  I will not miss the favoritism.  I will not miss the rules that changed due to a change in mood.  I will not miss typing last minute orders that popped up in my email.  I will not miss the millions of lists/rosters I've had to create and upkeep.  I will not miss the fact that I haven't had the tiniest raise in 2-3 years, but other people did - some not close to deserving.


This is a new beginning for me and for my family.

It's a BIG change and a step in a new direction.  I've always done well with adapting (due to constant moving when my Dad was still Active Duty).  Since I had my Little Big Man I've always worked.  So I'm going from always making my own income, to now depending on someone else's; that just doesn't sit well with me.  I almost feel kind of helpless.

But you know what, I got this


Monday, August 24, 2015


Good morning & hopefully everyone had a not-so-horrible time getting all the kids back to school today!

As for me, today is going to be a very busy day:

1. My husband is TAD all week
2. That means I have double kid duty
3. First day of school
4. I have Mary Kay packages to mail out today
5. I must provide my proof of residence to the school
6. My last full week of work [AHHH! 5 MORE DAYS!]
7. First day of soccer practice
8. Oh by the way, I'm Team Mom :)
9. Do we HAVE to eat dinner? [kidding!]

So YES there's a lot on my plate today/all week, but I CAN DO IT! [helluuuur my Waterboy movie reference tee hee]

Can someone please explain to me why you can't miss someone or be bummed that they're gone... Regardless of the time frame?

I had made a comment about "damnit, my husband is going to be TAD all next week"...  It was misinterpreted as I was OH SO DEPRESSED & SAD that he was going to be gone.  That wasn't what I meant, but SO WHAT if I did...?  If I miss him because he's gone for a week - boo f*cking who, I miss him.  If I miss him because he's gone for a night to be on duty - boo f*cking who, I miss him.  He is my husband and he's a part of my everyday routine; so you're damn skippy I'm going to miss him.

The ironic thing was I made the comment because I came to the realization that I had MORE on my plate; that I couldn't share some of the responsibilities with someone else.

I don't apologize for my feelings nor do I feel the need to have to explain them.  I feel that whatever you're feeling you shouldn't feel bad about; you can't help what you're feeling.  Plus I felt this was something I could blog about [tee hee].

I figure I can mark this down via social media - this is the FIRST time my Husband & I have been apart this long [ERMAHGURD!].  It's not a big deal to some, but it's a big deal to me :)  We are still new to the Military Lifestyle as a family.  The longest we've been separated was because he had duty; we're usually stuck up each other's ass. 

So NO I haven't experienced a deployment and NO I didn't get to experience him being away at boot camp.  I didn't realize that you're only entitled to feel a certain way at specific time frames.  This whole Military Lifestyle shit can be ridiculous.  It's like you're never allowed to complain about shit when it comes to your active military significant other.  You can't complain or be upset that they have to leave.  You can't complain if they have to work late.  You can't complain if they have to take care of their Marines before their very own family.  You can't complain about taking care of the kids because your active military significant other's job comes first.  Who the hell makes up this shit anyways??? 

For all my non-military affiliated readers - doesn't that sound insane?!

#SorryNotSorry - but you bet your ass I complain. 

In my mindset we are equal.  Your job isn't any more important than mine [which I guess that excuse will be expiring very soon].  We share responsibilities because I didn't sign any paper stating I will be anyone's slave/maid/bitch.

I am tired of people making a mockery of military spouses.  "Well you don't understand what it's like to be a Marine.." - it's more like "Well maybe you don't know what it's like to be a civilian".  Not everyone understands the struggle.  I'm lucky so far that mine hasn't been that rough - yet.  I like to keep an open mind that I know this will be one hell of a rollercoaster ride.

I happen to enjoy being around my husband [for the most part lol] so when we don't see each other I DO miss him.

It just goes to show that I do love him.

Monday, August 10, 2015

First Impressions

Good morning!

I'm sure everyone has heard the saying "first impressions are lasting impressions" or something similar.

Doesn't that apply to relationships?

You start out trying to impress each other.  It's almost like a competition & you need to impress the judge [this time there's no plural here lol], but you've made it to the final round - the talent portion.  So this is it - now is the time to  show off all your fancy tricks and woo their socks off [that phrase makes me feel old].   I wouldn't necessarily count doing housework as a "trick" or "talent", but you get my point. 

Then fast forward.

You won!  Then what?  Those fancy tricks have now become EXPECTATIONS; you spoiled him/her in the beginning that now it is expected of you to continue to do how you do.

I hate that shit.

However, in relationships after you've won there is nothing [in my opinion].  You get so comfortable with each other that you don't feel the need to impress each other anymore.  I mean, why bother right?  You've already won.

Lately, I don't feel like much of a winner

There is no effort put in anymore.  There is nothing that feels passionate or intimate anymore.  There isn't any fun anymore.  It's both of us.  I don't feel like trying anymore; I'm always tired, frustrated, mad, & unhappy.

My first impression was this fun, but laid back handsome guy that was sweet, helpful, and organized & he just adored me.  I felt like a priority, happy, and just mesmerized at the feelings I was feeling.

But now - we are strictly Parents.  The kids come first; which I don't believe is a bad thing.  I just feel like that's the only purpose of us now.  I take care of everyone, but myself.  I make sure the kids are up, ready, & fed.  I make sure we have dinner.  I make sure laundry is done.  I make sure to clean up after everyone.  I make sure everything is organized.  I make sure the kids appointments are scheduled or that I get them there.  I put everyone before me.  I'm supposed to though, right?  Because I'm a Mom.  However, I'm also a Wife - which means there's another half to go along with me, which means more helping hands, yet it doesn't feel like it.  If anything I feel like it just added more work.

I honestly feel like we need s p a c e [see what I did there?].  Sorry, emotional shit makes me awkward.  I feel like I've become codependent and I don't want to be.  I've always been independent

I refuse to rely on anyone. 

I want to be selfish.  I want to start doing my own thing; be more about myself & stop worrying about everyone else.  But I know that I can't. 

I didn't realize how draining it could be - physically.  I feel so blah all the time.  I don't even feel like talking as much because it'll just be an argument.  Sometimes if we're lucky, things change for a week or less and then we're back to where we started.  It feels odd when you're in a relationship, but you feel more alone than ever.

They say the first 7 years of marriage are the hardest [the seven year itch].  Holy chet.  I'm already struggling with just 2 years under my belt.  It's understandable though.  You're still learning more about each other & trying to get everything just right.  That sounds easy, but it's stressful; especially if you're total opposites.

I'm hoping eventually that first impression will resurface because I miss it.


Monday, August 3, 2015

Tick Tock

Good morning my lovely readers!

As some of you may know, my time is ticking at work; where I worked for the past 7 years & some change.  When I posted my VLOG I mentioned it being bittersweet. 


It still is. 

I now have 20 work days left here.  Am I counting down?  Yes.  Why?  I'm nervous.  I'm scared.  I know this isn't some rare occurrence in the friggen world, but it's a first for me.  I am quickly approaching new territory.

What else is a big stress-er?  We are still waiting to here back about my husband's re-enlistment [I know I sound like a broken record, get used to it].  I am very curious as to what the USMC has chosen as our new "home".

Any hoot -

You would think that since I'm finally getting what I want [-ish] that I'd be excited.  I'm used to working for a living.  I am used to having my own money & contributing to our household financially.

Lately I feel guilty whenever I spend money.  I keep second guessing every purchase I make; asking myself if I really 'needed' whatever I bought.  To state the obvious, on my last blog post [rewind here] I shared that I went on vacation.  Well that vacation was planned PRIOR to me being told that I'm being "let go" [elsa?].  So you would think that when you're on vacation you should be relaxing and being somewhat carefree.  I couldn't.  I was worried we'd overspend. 

However, I think I'm the only one worrying.  That's typical Stephanie behavior [eww I'm talking in third person...]  I'm the one who handles/organizes/worries about everything

This crap pretty much put a stop to my BIG plans.  I wanted to buy a brand new car.  I was already in the mindset of "bye bye used car!" - NOT.  My lesson is I probably shouldn't have counted my chickens before they hatched.

All this is making me so blah and kind of sad.  My main social interaction is at work.  My husband and I don't converse much once we get home ;) [ooo la la! jkjk]  We're usually too busy playing on our phones, watching TV, making dinner, or interacting with our kids.  Plus, him and I have horrible communication - THAT topic is a totally different blog post that I'll get to one day.  My 2 best friends are at work [Patty you're still my bff so don't panic].  It'll be weird not seeing & annoying them everyday. 

I know there's nothing I can do.  On the plus side of things we'll be saving a shit ton of MU-LA-LA [b*tch betta have my money!] thanks to NO MORE child care expenses!  <-- This is my attempt at being optimistic.  I'm trying to be more positive about what's to come and relax a little more.  I'm trying to believe that all of this is happening for a reason [BOOM with the clichĂ©!].

Forgive me if I sound like I'm trippin over nothing as if I'm in a Friday 13th movie. 

*P.S. thank you to all of you who give me feedback; the comments, Facebook messages/comments, and Instagram comments, etc.  I can't say it enough, but it definitely brightens up my day to know that you enjoy reading my thoughts & it also reassures me that I'm not speaking to myself [ta ha].


Monday, July 27, 2015

Family Vacation

Hello beautiful people!

I just returned from a week off for vacation to Florida with my big ass family [we were rollin DEEP].  We figured that it'll probably be a lot harder to pull this off in the future being we're currently waiting on word back on my hubby's re-enlistment package.

Still waiting... [believe me when I say, the suspense is torture]

The planning put into this trip was straight up - a pain in the ass.  It's hard coordinating plans with such a big group of people. 

So we travelled to Florida super EARLY on Monday morning; which sucks for me because I am NOT a morning person nor do I like to be rushed. We got there all in good time; which was shocking since we had 5 children with us.  Once we checked into the house we were renting [which this house was disappointing compared to the one we rented last time], it got a little chaotic, but we ended up using that night to prepare for the crazy week we had planned.

This was not my first visit; more like my fourth.  It was a first for my husband and my newbie, as well as my sister & her two boys.  However, I figured I'd share my opinions/observations/recommendations from our trip.

First things first [I'm the realest lol], leave your manners at home.


Animal Kingdom - no bueno. 
If you're into walking trails then this is FOR you.  I didn't completely dislike it though.  I absolutely LOVED the Festival of the Lion King show and really enjoyed the Kilimanjaro Safaris ride.  The show was full of dancing and music; like a Broadway show.  The ride was nice to see lions/monkeys/hippos/giraffes/flamingos/zebras - you get the picture.  We stopped to have lunch [or brunch.. or linner?] at Flame Tree Barbecue and that shit was NOT cheap; which we expected, but it was pretty ridiculous.  Our total for just the four of us to eat (2 Turkey sandwiches + 1 PB&J + 1 hot dog + drinks) was $50! We left this park early on Day 1 being there wasn't much there for the kids to do.

Magic Kingdom - ok. 
We ventured this way from Animal Kingdom.  I liked the Mad Tea Party teacup ride since my newbie seemed to like it.  We didn't go crazy with spinning it since my husband can't hang and we didn't want to make our newbie dizzy.  I can't speak for the ride itself since I didn't ride it, but the wait time for Splash Mountain BLOWS; it was over an HOUR; you try waiting for over an hour with a toddler.   As for the Haunted Mansion ride I was very displeased with how unorganized it was & the wait time (50 minutes) as well.  They expected you to wait in this long ass line crowd and slowly maneuver into a room and somehow manage to minimize the crowd into a single file line...  [like are you fu*king kidding me?!]  Mind you, when you're in these kinds of places - manners do NOT exist.  I repeat - manners do NOT exist.  Then there was the Dumbo the Flying Elephant ride; it was all fine and dandy up until you get to the Play Room.  Yes, you read that correctly.  You have a wait time of 30 minutes, once the line gets you inside the building there is a desk (almost like the hostess podium) where they give you a pager as you wait in the play room to be paged.  WHO in their right mind thought that was a good idea???  Once you get those kids in that play room they DON'T want to leave!  I'm sure their intentions were good, but I would of pushed that idea off the table.  Let's discuss the staff; isn't Disney World supposed to be the "Happiest Place on Earth"...?  If you met some of the staff you would disagree.  We were trying to get on a ride [drawing a blank on the name] and the line was long.  So we decided to use 1 of the 3 Fast Passes on our cards.  We ask the staffer at the entrance do we use our pass that we used to get into the park AS our Fast Pass (as she flashes the card) - she says "yes".  My sister goes to scan her card and the same staffer says "no you need a Fast Pass"...  Apparently she wasn't listening to the first question or just couldn't comprehend.  Then we move our asses to the line to get a Fast Pass and the staffer there tells the family that's at the front that there are no more Fast Passes available for that ride...  Then she waits for the next in line to step up and attempt to scan their card, etc.  I happen to overhear so I'm like let's dip.  How about ANNOUCING to the crowd of people standing there in the fu*king heat that there are NO more Fast Passes available for the ride!!??  After a majority of people grunted at her or shared their opinion, she just smirked and rolled her eyes.  I totally get it - you have to stand there for your shift and listen to a bunch of people ask you the same questions, to include people who don't speak English very well.  However, it comes with your job.  I wish I could of explored more of the park, maybe have met a few of the princesses and tried a couple of the rides.  I'm a huge Ariel & Belle fan sooo I was a little bummed.


Island of Adventures - DOPE!
Where do I even begin?  Regardless of the shitty weather, we didn't let it stop us from having a good time.  The wait times were just lovely.  We got to ride on more rides here in less time than when we were at Disney World.  I doubt this is a big deal to anyone else, but there was more options for places to sit; while waiting for people to get off rides.  The place just seemed a lot more organized.  I definitely want to give a shout out to the staff that worked in the First Aid center.  We were lost trying to find the family restroom.  All the changing tables (I'm assuming that's what it was supposed to be) in the restrooms were small tables; my newbie's feet were dangling into the trash area.  While running around trying to find this family restroom, I recommended we ask the First Aid center if they could tell us where to go and in the end they let us use the Nursery.  They were very friendly and very helpful.  The only complaints I had was there was a handful of places that smelled unpleasant (musty/trash).  At this point in our trip, I forgot to make note of all the rides we rode.  For the most part, the whole family enjoyed this park a lot.  They rode: Doctor Doom's Fearfall [I feel like a whimp, my little big man rode this one], The Amazing Adventures of Spiderman, Popeye & Bluto's Bilge-Rat Barges [twice!], Pteranodon Flyers, and Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey [I missed out trying to find the damn family bathroom!].  Since everyone was kind of doing their own thing we decided to check out Seuss Landing to find kiddy rides for our newbie.  There weren't too many options for a toddler at this park, but we did ride: Caro-Seuss-el and One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish [while it rained & the ride already does get you wet].  There were several other rides that the family enjoyed: Storm Force Acceleratron, Dudley Do-Right's Ripsaw Falls, and Flight of the Hippogriff.

Universal Studios - N/A
I can't really say much for this park.  My newbie finally was napping, so I sat out for this park in some grassy area by a stage and just chilled - people watched, etc.  While sitting around I watched a short parade come through and saw Gru and his Minions, SpongeBob, and Dora & Diego.  The family rode Revenge of the Mummy [I missed out again], Transformers: The Ride-3D, and Men in Black Alien Attack.  As for the food, the churros were pretty bomb.  I wanted another, but I thought they were a little pricey; which was expected. 

SEA WORLD (Day 3):

Sea World - One of my favorites
I have a weird obsession with going to the Shamu show and sitting in the Soak Zone to be splashed by orcas...  [don't judge me]  It's odd because they're very intimidating due to their huge size.  My newbie didn't like getting splashed so much, but he was amazed at the sight of them.  There was one of them that actually floated in front of us for the most part before the show even began.  I was utterly mesmerized.  I didn't think to check, but I was also looking to see if Tilikum was present.  I had read online that after that horrifying incident (RIP DB) that he continues to perform at Sea World.  We also watched the Dolphin show.  Our first ride we hit up was Journey to Atlantis.  I liked it, but the ride gives you this false pretense that you're going to be completely drenched.  FALSE.  You get wet - BARELY.  The last time I came to Sea World I rode the Manta.  I was ter-rif-fied!  I'm pretty positive I kept eyes shut the entire time & screamed [lol]; roller coasters just aren't my thing.  We ate at Seaport Pizza, the food wasn't bad and we invested in a Sea World cup.  When you purchase one of those you get free refills throughout the park, including Icee's.  I think the kids' favorite part was Shamu's Happy Harbor.  It's a kid section with rides, games, climbing/gym, and a water play area.  Unfortunately the only ride my newbie could get on was the carousel again.  I was disappointed with the fireworks show at the end.  They changed the show from the last time we were visited.  The firework show is combined with the whale show.  I assumed there would be the whole whale show and then once it ended it would be non-stop fireworks.  WRONG.  Towards the end of the whale performances fireworks started going off; it was distracting and confusing.

Typhoon Lagoon - So fun!
This was a first for the whole family.  I'm actually glad we had a plan of attack, so to speak, on how we were going to find a good spot.  They have limited shade (umbrellas/cabanas).  If you were to reserve a cabana it was $350/day [what in thee fu*k].  Not only was the price high, it only fit 6 people and if you exceeded that limit they would make you cough up more money to pay for another cabana...  Talk about money hungry hoes.  Overall the experience was fun!  I couldn't stay away from the Crush 'N' Gusher slides (3 separate slides).  Another exciting slide was the Gangplank Falls; it's more of a family raft ride that fits 4 people.  At this part of our adventure we were all over the place.  A few times we would hit up the Castaway Creek aka Lazy River.  I thought it was nice that they have the inner tubes made for the little ones (the usual donut hole was sealed).  We grabbed food at Leaning Palms and price wise I didn't think it was too crazy.  Another exciting option is you can swim with sharks.  The advertisement is misleading - you don't get to dive into the water and swim with them, you have to swim/stay at the top of the water and swim above them.  We even got to peep Downtown Disney; that place was ridiculously busy, but damnit I wanted my Minnie Mouse ears!
- Bring plenty of water (freeze some, but bring regular cold un-frozen ones).
- Bring snacks (fruit snacks, crackers, PB & J, granola bars, pop-tarts, chips).
- Bring a towel.
- Bring a change of clothes.
- If your thighs rub [guilty] put on some damn chaffing cream [shit hurts].
- Bring deodorant.
- Wipes/Sanitizer.
- Wear *COMFORTABLE* shoes, but bring flip flops.
- Wear a hat.
- Wear sunglasses.
- If you can't stand getting wet, bring a poncho/umbrella.
- Umbrella strollers are easier to carry around.
- Waterproof makeup.
- Bring a portable spray/fan bottle.
- Batteries.
- Empty your phone's pictures/videos prior to going on vacation for more storage space.
- Wear lots of sun screen.
1.) Females strutting around in high heels - you are nuts.
2.) People wearing jeans &/or long sleeves - you are nuts.
3.) Young ladies wearing provocative clothing - you are nuts.
If you have smaller children I'd recommend sticking to Disney World.  I think they would have a better chance with getting on the rides there; they MAY BE able to get on some of the rides at Universal Studios/Island of Adventure, but definitely check the height requirements when planning your trip.  I noticed not too many rides are toddler friendly so you may just want to wait it out until they're a little bigger.  I was surprised that my little big man was actually tall enough to get on a majority of the rides.  If you want legit fireworks - stick to Disney World.  If you don't have kids or are going without them [jerks] - stick to Universal Studios/Island of Adventure, that's where the fun is at.  Be prepared for crazy traffic.  The traffic there was horrific; I don't know if people in Orlando just don't know how to drive or they drive that way because of all the tourists; either way, beware!  When comparing the last time I was there on vacation to recently, I don't remember it being THAT crowded; not only was it overcrowded I feel like it was nothing but foreigners [I'm not hating - to an EXTENT]. 
FYI, if you come to our country [the U.S.A.] please learn our customs and courtesies.  If you expect that when other people come to your countries, then apply that same way of thinking to when you come here.  You wouldn't believe how many times I was bumped into [I felt like I was at the club again] and have people all up in your space while waiting in line [shoulder width apart people!].  There were times where I felt like there was no breathing room. 
When you arrive at the park you smell a lot of sun screen and deodorant.  When you've been at the parks for a good minute - that sadly changes to B/O and sweat.  It's gross so prepare yourself!
I think it was nice to get away.  It was way more difficult having a toddler with us; whether you're referring to the long ass drive or all the walking.  We were lucky we had a lot of helpers with us to help watch our newbie while trying to head in/out the door.  Plus it was nice to have everyone [minus my big bro & his wife] together again.
Hopefully that helps :)

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Vlog on My Blog

"like corn on the cob..." jkjk

Hi everyone!

Today I figured I'd try something new.  Please watch the video below to hear all about my updates. 

Oh yea, and please excuse my awkwardness/lip smacking/excessive use of "umm" [tee hee] it was my first video blog.


Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Baby, You're a Firework

Good morning and happy "Last Day of School" for all the locals.

So a couple weeks ago I read a blog post that kind of made my heart race.  It wasn't anything horrible or upsetting...  It was a realization.

---> Click here to understand why.

My little big man is already 9 years old.  I still cannot believe it.  Like any other parent I always question how well or how bad of a job I am doing. 

Did I encourage him enough to make his own choices? 
Am I too strict? 
Do I hug him enough? 
How often have I let him use his imagination?
Was I too much "Mommy" or too much "Friend"?
When is the last time I actually had a conversation with him?

Just typing that makes my heart pick up the pace. 

This is our future generation that we are in charge of molding into smart/brave/genuine people.  I say that a lot, but I think that's a huge responsibility that a lot of people don't take seriously.

So how do I know if I'm doing a good job?

There are plenty of days where I feel like I have failed.  If I see he's starting to fall behind in certain subjects in school or has a lapse of judgment here and there, the question instantly appears in my lovely thought bubble.

There are times where I see pictures that my friends post that they do/did with their little ones and I realize I never did any of that with him.  I was working or pregnant... Or even forgot.  Those excuses don't make it okay.  For example, I realized I never went on ONE fieldtrip with him this year...  Not even ONE.

I want to prepare him for this chaotic world that's full of some pretty amazing things and unfortunately some really cruel unimaginable things.  I'm sure they have tons of books on "How To" and blah blah blah, but who can share [truthfully] that their child(ren) are 100% prepared for this adventure called Life?  I'm 26 and I still don't feel like I'm "ready" for whatever is to come.  I try to be persistent when teaching him to be respectful and disciplining him when deemed necessary [and YES I believe in spankings].

But sometimes I feel like it's too late - like I didn't make the deadline so what are my consequences?

When he's struggling in school I think of it like I'm also struggling.  When he's down, then I'm down.  You get my point...  I want him to always do well and be successful. 

I want them both to know that I'm always here for them.  I'm their Mom, but I can be a friend when they need it.  I definitely don't want to go overboard with the "friend" vibe.  I think some kids take advantage of that & forget who's actually in charge.

However, there are times where I see how my hard work has paid off.  During soccer season a handful of the kids on his team were giving one of the other kids a hard time (which the kid really didn't need due to other issues), but my little big man stepped up and defended him - with that action he was named Captain.  Then there are numerous times the way he is around his little brother that just warms my heart (as cheesy as that sounds).  For the most part he uses his manners - which if you know me, that's a BIG deal.

I feel like working full time (I always have) makes me miss out on time I could be spending with my kids.  I won't get this time back.  I have this sudden urge to hurry up and squeeze in all the time/knowledge I can share with my kids RIGHT now.  Although, I have never pictured myself as a stay-at-home Mom.  I've said it before, I like making my own money.  I'm independent and I don't like relying on anyone else. *I'm NOT saying working Moms or stay-at-home Moms are a bad thing/it's totally up to your preference*  I just can't picture myself sitting at home all the time, cut off from social interaction with other adults, constantly picking up after other people (more often than usual).  I can see it now - I'll end up laughing at my own jokes (a lot more) while wearing the same yoga pants I've worn for the past 3 days week.

I could be overthinking it (like usual), but I rather be safe than sorry. 

I just hope one day both my boys realize how much they mean to me <3.



Saturday, May 16, 2015

Dear Mom

Good Morning!

Happy 'Belated' Mother's Day to all you Moms out there!

I know it's almost been a week, but I didn't realize until now that I didn't post anything for Mother's Day.


This story has always stuck with me so I thought I would share.  When I was really little (3 or 4?) we used to live in California.  I used to hang out with a girl in our neighborhood who was older than me.  Well she had a habit of ditching me when another girl (who was closer to her age) would come out to play.  One day she asked me to come out and play so my Mom let me go outside.  Well as soon as we step on to the playground, out of nowhere that mean ass other little girl shows up & tells me I can't play with them because they're going to go play; totally ditching me AGAIN.  I considered her my best friend so it hurt my feelings.  So I came back inside the house crying my eyes out because no one wanted to play with me, but my Mom sat me on the counter and told me I could hang out with her because she was still my friend.

Now fast forward to the present -- We had a family dinner one night and as the evening was coming to a close, we all began to give everyone our goodbye hugs, etc. - the usual.  As it was my turn to hug/kiss my Mom goodbye I went to pull away thinking our embrace was reaching the almost awkward timeframe, my Mom pulled me in tighter and whispered "Anak I love you... I know I don't tell you that all the time, but I love you very much..."  I can hear her voice begin to tremble, which in return made my eyes well up and my throat tighten.  My Mom isn't one to express her emotions so it took me aback.  It made me realize how my Mom and I don't even live that far apart, yet I miss her a lot.

Growing up (I still am, just not physically) I constantly argued with my Mom.  I guess you could say that's typically what most girls do growing up because we're going through all those changes, etc.  It was pretty much any time my Mom said something I thought it didn't make sense or it was straight up dumb.  There was plenty of times where I would just roll my eyes because I didn't think she knew what she was talking about (you would of thought that I learned my lesson after the first slap that rolling my eyes wasn't the way to go - wrong).  I have never been super close or best friends with my Mom like some girls are.  We don't talk on the phone often.  I don't share all my juicy secrets with my Mom (more so because I don't have any).

My Mom is Filipino.  I probably had a slightly different upbringing than some of you due to cultural differences.  My Mom never taught me what happens when you get your period, just that I would get mine someday.  My Mom didn't believe in wearing makeup.  I didn't get to shave my legs until I was in middle school (& I mean LATER in middle school - do you know how embarrassing that was?).  My Mom used to always bitch at us to clean - ALL the time - like it's supposed to be an EVERYDAY chore.  My Mom would always tell us we HAD to finish what was on our plate and we got in trouble if we didn't.

I could never understand it.  At the time I felt like she just did it to be mean or just wanted to bitch at us.

My mom didn't believe in us wearing makeup because she didn't think we needed it.  She told me before that I was already beautiful and it didn't matter how much makeup I put on, that if I was ugly on the inside everyone would see through all that makeup anyways.  She taught me that makeup didn't cover up an ugly personality.  My mom made us clean up after ourselves so when we were on our own we would live in a clean house.  My mom made sure we finished what we had to eat because there were plenty of people who weren't as fortunate as us.

It's ironic and funny when on multiple occasions while I'm bitching about things around the house or at my husband/kids and realize that I sound just like my Mom - & I've learned that's not a bad thing.  My Dad always tells me the reason I don't get along with my Mom is because we're just alike.

I don't always tell my Mom how much I appreciate her.  She (along with my Dad) have shaped me into the woman I am today.  I've learned how to take care of myself and my family.  I now have a case of OCD when it comes to the cleanliness of my home.  She has taught me that I need to be beautiful on the inside/outside.  She has taught me to not be wasteful.  She has taught me to stand up for myself (hence why I've very opinionated).  She made raising us 6 kids look so easy and effortless; which I continue to idolize.

So once again, Happy Mother's Day Mom.

I love you Mom,