Monday, September 29, 2014

High Expectations

High Expectations.

Hell yea.

I have a problem [one of many].  I've always had it embedded in my mind that because I do something nice for whomever, that it's expected that whomever should return the favor someday.


People don't do nice things for others because they expect something in return, they do it because a.) they're family, b.) they're a good friend, or c.) good people still exist...  I always feel that if I went out of my way to help/assist you or surprise you that you'll remember the gesture & do the same or something similar - or maybe even something way better.

What happens when you have expectations and they're never met?  You're left disappointed.  And ladies and gents, that is the cycle of life.

I have this image in my head of what I pictured my life looking like.  Sometimes I catch myself daydreaming of "I wonder if in x amount of years if blank will happen" or "I wonder if the time will come when this happens"...  We're all guilty of it.  I know things happen and plans often change; life throws you curve balls and it's just one big rollercoaster ride [I'm not a fan].  I never thought that everyday meant me second guessing my life decisions.

Being an adult can suck sometimes.

I've just grown tired of the same tired routines, the two-faced people, the same/shady excuses, and so on and so forth.  It's mentally exhausting; everyday shouldn't feel like some uphill battle or Groundhog Day [insert movie reference here].  My 100% is slowly, but surely turning into 100% of "idgaf".  The struggle is real.  I'm kind of torn about it.  You can only be hopeful for so long and that switch in your mind/heart will finally flip and then BOOM - you're done.  I just don't have the time to waste. 

"Some things will never change" -- Guess what!?  YOU can make that change.  I refuse to settle for bullshit [been there, done that].  When you have to sit there and constantly ask yourself why in the hell are you even doing it... Why bother?  If being disappointed a majority of the time leaves you unhappy, isn't it time for a change in pace?


Thursday, September 11, 2014

I'm On One

Hi again!

TWO days in a row!? Say what, say what!?? This is me trying to win you back since I slacked off.

I know I'm not the only one, well at least I know Drake has the same problem...

Trust Issues.

[my bad, I had to]

I'm sure there are quite a handful of us that experience this issue.  I have trust issues from bad experiences all the way to my personal insecurities.

You can go crazy and check up on your lover in all sorts of ways to make sure nothing's going on, but honestly -- if someone wants to cheat, they're going to do it.  It does not matter how many or what kind of precautions you take, truth be told, it's going to happen if that's what they're trying to do.  We are all adults [some may not act like it] but we make our own decisions.

I've been cheated on and vice versa.  I was young and stupid; don't get me wrong, that's no excuse.  And look what happened... My infidelities also caused me to have trust issues.  I figure, if I was capable of doing that who's to say my significant other isn't?  So I put my guard up; if I can't be trusted then I shouldn't trust anyone else.  But cheating isn't only physical; you can emotionally cheat.  So whether it's you sleeping with someone(s) else or exchanging phone numbers or finding someone to text/email/fb msg/snapchat/tweet/kik [holy shit social media!] that could fill that void that you feel you are missing from your significant other -- you're cheating.  If you have to erase those messages/pictures to hide what you're doing -- you're cheating.  If you are doing/saying things you would NOT do in front of your significant other -- you're cheating.


If it's not cheating, it's people being two-faced.  Having that feeling of a knife in your back, never goes away.  I've had boyfriends and even some of my girl friends stab me in the back; hence why my friend circle has always been so small.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  I learned not everything has to be shared.  So I make sure not to use the word "friend" so loosely.

I crave attention.  When I am in a relationship I want your attention; not 24/7, but I would like to have a reasonable amount of it.  I am not a fan of clingy-ness where you can't be apart for more than 5 minutes.  I believe in having some breathing space [or prepared to be stiff-armed].  I like to feel like I am a priority in your life; it may not be #1, but at least the top 5.  When I was younger, if you weren't following those guidelines, I'd find someone who did [stupid idea].  I wasn't going to waste my time on someone who I felt didn't deserve my affection.  If I could do those things for you, then you should return the favor.  I know I sound like one bossy/controlling cunt [whoop there it is], but that was is some of my guidelines.  I want your attention and to be one of your priorities; I don't think that is too much to ask.

I hate to feel vulnerable.  I don't like to let my guard down and let anyone in.  I know people can be hurtful, untrustworthy, evil, scandalous... and the list goes on.  So I would ask myself, "why should I trust anyone enough and let them in?"  To put that invisible wall down meant I was leaving myself open for someone to hurt me.  Who wants to feel that pain?  No one.

I want to feel significant.  Don't we all?  I'm not saying "please talk about me all day to your friends" because that's plain weird and annoying.  But acknowledging my existence is kind of cute.  For example, I was just recently told that my husband brings my name up a lot while he's at work (:  To the guys -- that's lame or annoying [teehee], but to me -- it had me smiling super hard [something I don't do too often].

I am insecure.  I hate that I have really bad low self-esteem & I'm well aware that's up to me to fix.  This is probably like déjà vu for my avid readers, but I like to think that the fact that I'm acknowledging my "problem" gets me one step closer to getting over that shit.  Anyways, the fact that I'm insecure I am constantly comparing my self to other females.  I pick out the ones I find pretty & start the "Who Wore It Best" type of critiquing.  Then I take it a little further with assuming since I find them attractive then so does my lover and then it's like "he probably thinks she's prettier".  Oh, and don't let me find out you have a pretty ex- because then it's like "did he do that with her?" or "he probably liked it when she did/said that"...  Have I told you how annoying my mind is?  [insert me screaming here].

This is EXACTLY what I picture when I think of my mind.
So here I am; one beautiful crazy mess.  I'm also my worst critic.  I'm still working on me, everyday.  I either bottle it up or share with my love/friends or write it all on here for the world to read.

You need trust in every relationship; it builds the foundation to a relationship.

But I'm just curious what other people do to overcome their trust issues.  Feel free to share in the comments [if anyone is out there]!

[HA! You probably thought it was going to be a Drake song (: tee hee]


Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Recipe of the Week: Lemon Pepper Chicken

Helluuuuur gorgeous!

So I noticed I haven't posted a ROTW in a good while.  NO BUENO!  And don't worry, I noticed I didn't post at all last week :(  I'll admit it, I'm slacking major.  No worries -- I am here to save your evening!

Ok... that was lame, but shut up and keep reading!

Please... :)

I discovered this recipe on accident.  Yes, I've heard of "lemon pepper" chicken, but never cared to make it nor try it.  Long story short - I took some chicken out to thaw, forgot to go to the store to gather the rest of my ingredients, and then noticed I had lemon pepper seasoning.

As Gru says.. "Lightbulb!" [I love Despicable Me (: with or without my kids]

So here you go, you can thank me later:

*P.S. the measurements are based on your own judgement*

Super Quick and Easy Lemon Pepper Chicken

3-4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
Extra Virgin Olive Oil [or your preference of oil]
Lemon Pepper Seasoning

13 x 9 baking dish
Mixing bowl

1. Preheat your oven to 350
2. Pour about 2-3 inches of the extra virgin olive oil into a mixing bowl, enough to coat all your chicken
3. Sprinkle the lemon pepper seasoning into the mixing bowl
4. Stir, stir, stir
5. Take each chicken, one by one, and toss it around [but don't get crazy] in the mix until it's coated in the oil/seasoning mixture
6. Coat the bottom of the 13 x 9 baking dish with a LITTLE bit of the oil/seasoning mixture, and then place your coated chicken into your baking dish
7. You can even lightly coat the top of your chicken with the remainder of your mixture.
8. Place the baking dish into the oven for 45 minutes to an hour

I serve mine with some yummy mashed potatoes and green beans.

Bon Appétit!