Thursday, July 24, 2014

Do Over Anyone?

If you had a chance to do something all over again to change some things here & there, would you take it?  Here's the catch, [just like what you see on the big Hollywood movie screens] if you change the smallest thing in the past, it's like a domino effect all the way to the present...

I'm pretty damn sure I'm not the ONLY one who wishes there was a handy time machine [I see you!].

This randomly crosses my mind when it's quiet or I'm alone.  But, alone time can be bad news for me.  It gives my mind time to wander about all the good and bad; the "what ifs" and "could be".

I ask myself "what if" I had actually listened to my parents when I was in high school and behaved myself; would I have gone off to college?  What would I have gone to school for?  Would I have gone to a college here in the same state as where my family resides or would I have gone off to somewhere foreign to me?  Would I have met someone while I was in college?  Would we have gotten married?  How many kids would I have had?

I also go to the disappointing/bad/depressing thoughts [you knew it was coming]...  I ask myself "what if" he wakes up one day and says he can't stand my bitchiness anymore and wants to leave me?  How would I react?  What will happen to the kids and me?  What if he drags me all the way to the other coast just so he can leave me?


I really haven't been myself.  Though I don't share it vocally, I know I'm not.  I don't see the point in sharing with anyone like "Oh hey guys... I'm a little too sad all the time..." etc.  [keep it to yourself attention whoreI like to bottle things up, so I can explode later - said No One Ever.  I make up stories in my mind that are usually depressing or anger me.  I have plenty of times through out the day where I want to break down and cry, it can be over something small or nothing at all.  Then there are my mood swings.  Everyone has there good & bad days, but woOooo I feel like my settings are on some other shit.


I am ridiculously annoying.  Hold up, don't agree! -- I'm referring to my thought process. 

I'm well aware that I've done some stupid/crazy shit in the past.  They say to never have regrets, but helluuurrr -- I do.


If you spend so much time worried about what happened in the past, you can never enjoy the present.  So I've heard.  If I never did some of that stupid/crazy shit, I wouldn't have some of the things I do today.

My precious babies <3.

I know Mama can be a little cray cray at times, but my they mean everything to me.  My little big man can say or do something silly and get me to smile.  His randomness is my favorite.  He's always full of questions whether they pertain to the conversation or not.  Then there's my newbie who has the biggest grin, it can change your whole mood in a heartbeat. Aaand even though it irritates me, their random farting makes me laugh [lmao - no matter how old you are, farting is funny]

I wouldn't have met my husband.

We're actually a couple days away from our * 1 Year Wedding Anniversary * [gasps].  I don't understand how celebrating your anniversary came about.  Are you celebrating because of how many years you've managed to stay in love with each other or is it more on the shocking side...? Like "holy shit! We ACTUALLY made it! Who would of thought!?" Haha!  [haha just some food for thought].

I'm still unsure if I'd ever want a do over.  I'm not totally stoked about how my life is playing out at the current moment, but I don't know if that counts for a do over.  In one of my recent posts I said I was making changes, well what if some of the changes can't come from me...?

Ugh... What's a woman to do?

Until next time!


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