Thursday, February 6, 2014

NEW Mommy -- Again!

It’s been 8 years since I’ve had to change diapers and take care of a newborn. Now I get to experience all of that again; dirty diapers and all. My newborn is 2 weeks old and I can confess that I’m still trying to process everything. Whether it’s trying to get in a routine with the baby, still focusing on my little big man, being a wife, being home all day, my hormones, and trying to feel somewhat attractive again… I feel like a complete mess and I’m still somewhat in a daze. Even hearing the word “wife” throws me for a curve sometimes. We’re 7 month old newlyweds :) and it still feels brand new to me.

So again, it’s only been 2 weeks and I feel like its mission impossible. My emotions are in a twist. I thought after delivering my baby my hormones would snap back into place. WRONG. I still find myself down, on the verge of crying, actually crying (shh…!), or zoned the eff out (I’ll try to keep the cussing to a minimum). I find myself overthinking quite a bit. Can you blame me!? I’m at home all day, so my thoughts are bound to wander. I’m second guessing myself more than usual, every comment made I’m trying to “decode”… I feel like I’m going crazy.

I have my on and off days, but doesn’t everyone?

The day before my birthday I was a mess. It carried over onto my birthday because I ended up spending it by myself – cleaning our house and taking care of our newbie - and in a way I thought it was kind of half-assed. I turned 25 – isn’t that some special life mile marker?? I got a “happy birthday babe”, a smooch or two, and some cute gifts. But no strawberry cake... *my FAVE!* I suck at buying gifts or planning, but sometimes I feel like I try too hard or put too much effort when it comes to him. It’s whatever though; the day has already come and gone.

So again, I’m sorry for such the down vibe as my first post. I promise my other posts won’t be so depressing :)


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