Friday, March 7, 2014

Times Up Motha Whaaat!?

Wednesday was my big return to work. It feels like those 6 weeks FLEW by! I was dreading the day, of course, like most normal human beings. I figured I was going to be bombarded with loads of catching up to do, but instead it really wasn’t all that bad. MOSTLY everyone was nice… Maybe that helped me transition back into work. I did get the rare/cruel baby weight jokes, but luckily I was wearing my big girl undies –“panties” is a dirty word for me LOL I also thought after spending every day at home with my newbie that I’d have some separation anxiety. Hopefully I don’t come off wrong, but I didn’t. I thought of him throughout the day just as much as I do about my little big man, but I’m a lot more at ease because I’m lucky enough that my Mom is the one caring for him while I’m away at work. I mean seriously, the woman did raise the 7 of us (yes I said 7, that’s including me) with my lovely Pops with the occasional grandchildren (: and we’re turning out to be a-OK! I think LOL

In other news,

**Please excuse my vagueness**

After years of suspicion I thought I was finally going to have the answer I’ve always suspected. WRONG. I’m going to take it as the Big Man in the sky’s way of telling me I don’t need to know and we’re better off that way. I have everything I want/need right at home and that’s all that matters. The weekend was just a rollercoaster of emotions for me; confused, curious, nervous, excited, and freaked out… And the list goes on. I truly thought I’ve finally come to that point where everything would be cleared up and answered. I guess that’s why yesterday I was so overcome with shock that I didn’t know what else to say.

The subject is very personal and sensitive to me –hence why I’m being so vague. It always has been. It’s a touchy subject that involves someone I cherish and who is so dear to me. If anything I’m more disappointed in myself. So excuse me while I hang my head in shame. I know we probably all say it, but I wish in the past I would have made smarter decisions. Then I wouldn’t be stuck in the predicament I’ve been in for some time now. I guess things are better off this way – Immaculate. This someone deserves so much more, that’s why I beat myself up so much about it. I don’t want to be a part of that cliché: “we’ve all done something stupid in our past” because I shouldn’t have an excuse; I want answers. There’s not a day that goes by that it doesn’t cross my mind. I wish I could change things, but reality tells me that’s impossible. So my best bet is to just keep trucking on. It’s easier said than done. Today I’m doing better about it all, but the thought still lingers like any other day. I’ve noticed I’ve come to love quoting, but “everything happens for a reason” right? Who knows where I would be right now if I didn’t do the things I’ve done.

Positive vibes only.


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